Another opportunity lost

It hit me today just how terrible the last three years have been for me. I came into work earlier and my company was offering a voluntary separation deal, full pay, full benefits, job placement help, for three to six months. It would be perfect for me. But I haven’t been here quite long enough to qualify.

It’s not just that the economy has been terrible for the last three years, it’s that it happened at the worst possible time it could have happened in my life, when a couple of loved ones were diagnosed with deadly diseases, when the layoffs began in earnest and my friends and family and me all lost our benefits when we needed them to literally survive, when I begin to hit age fifty and could count on obvious age bias in trying to find any job that paid a basic living wage, even one far below what I’m used to making, etc. On top of which every goddamn job, relationship, or source of money or happiness of any kind that might have worked out in my favor over the last three years instead fell through completely, or worked out against me in some way, the separation deal above being only the latest such opportunity lost. And when I did have a heads-I-lose tails-you-win decision to make, inevitably it turned out I chose the worst of the two. It seems improbabale my luck could continue being so lousy, but I’ve said that time and time again for several years now and it just gets worse.

It’s just been awful. The worst, most horrible, joyless, agonizing, hopeless, loneliest three years of my life. Nothing that ever came before even remotely prepared me for it.


  1. Randomfactor says

    Take whatever comfort there is that your readers understand, many of them through first-hand experience.

  2. CaitieCat says

    Current first-hand experience, in my case. I offer hugs, if wanted, Stephen, and the knowledge that this is being simultaneously grokked by at least one other.

  3. StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return! says

    Internet hugs offered from me if you want them as well. You deserve much better treatment and I hope things soon look astronomically better for you.

  4. lorn says

    On the up side hard times make for classic novels and really good country songs …

  5. catlover says

    That is awful. What a truly awful shitstorm. I, too, offer virtual hugs — if you want them. I hope with all my heart that things get MUCH better for you VERY soon. I truly wish I could help with more than mere words, but these poor words will have to do for now. We, your readers, do care a lot about you. I hope that is of some help and comfort.

    Hey — if you need money — please don’t hesitate to put that “Donate” button back up. I’d locve to help a bit that way, and others probably would, too.

  6. BCat70 says

    With the caveat that I’m just crossing over 40 instead of 50, wetting you said is a dead ringer for my fuckkeed up life lately. Hugs and sympathies on this end.

  7. Karen Locke says

    I don’t recall any Jesus in the comment threads, but the rest of us are quite fond of you Stephen. I agree with another poster; put your Donate button back up if you need it.

    You remind me of the expert poker player who Just. Can’t. Get. A. Decent. Hand. It isn’t skills or expertise killing you, it’s the luck (or unluck) of the draw. All I can say is, I hope the cards turn in your favor soon.

    ((((HUG)))) If you’re not into hugs, just ignore it.

  8. says

    Cookies. That’s it, cookies. Cookies are even better than hugs. I’ve had stretches like that, where everything I touch turns to shit (reverse Midas touch). I have nothing to offer but cookies.

  9. Friendly says

    Been there, done that, really really sorry that you and yours are struggling with it now.

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