WTF is accurate intercourse?

Welcome to my world, Texas, it’s a whole ‘nother country! Politically we’re highly diverse with growing enclaves of progressives and swelling ranks of disenfranchised former conservatives and independents. The two faster growing groups in that latter category are Latinos and women. For obvious reasons, powerful elements in the GOP would like to essentially enslave both one way or another. Therein lays the rub, we’re over represented in the bygone misogynist neoconfederate, good-ole-boy era. Here’s another dry log tossed on that fire of burning stupidity:

Wonkette — The brilliance this time comes from state Sen. Bob Deuell (R-So SMRT), whose legislative website says he is “a board-certified family physician.” According to the Facebook post by his colleague Rep. Dukes, Sen. Deuell (who is now one of the R’s in the Texas Senate trying to interrupt Sen. Davis’s filibuster) had this insight during the debate: Sen. Duel [sic] said pregnancy only occurs after “accurate intercourse”.

The GOP in general and Texas specifically seems enamored of medical docs who have some very bizarre ideas about human physiology. They could be knowingly lying, or it could be another case of right-wing bubble mythology overpowering all other rational processes in a presumably highly-educated adult.

It’s hard to know in Dueull’s case because that is a, err, fresh new term? One I’m not familiar with? I’m almost afraid to speculate here on what he means – intercourse resulting in ejaculation in the vagina? If so, that’s quite a blunder; millions of sperms can be released sometimes prior to male climax. That’s why couples who practice the withdrawal method of birth control are often called parents.

I’m told and it’s a fair assumption anyway, that Davis is considering a run for the Governor’s Mansion. Her main concerns are if it’s even a realistic long shot. To wit, there would have to be a sustained groundswell beyond this week and beyond this year. Texas Republicans would be well advised to keep their yaps shut on rape and sex in general given their track record, assuming they don’t want to fuel that groundswell. Which may prove impossible for them to do.


  1. tyros says

    Oh, not again. Why haven’t they heard of evidence yet? Entire populations born of rape in war and slavery? And really, how badly can one miss? Does this guy go for the armpits? I wish there were some list of doctors like this to avoid.

    I may be in Austin soon! Such a nice city despite the politics.

  2. unbound says

    I’ve noticed that a number of Republican politicians are medical doctors. It is a fact that, of the doctors that earn their PhD each year, there is the one that just didn’t quite make it, and then there is the one that is one place above that failed doctor. My working theory is that the doctors that barely got their PhD become Republican politicians.

  3. says

    Austin and now San Antonio are fairly progressive. Outlaying regions and smaller towns ringing both cities are getting there. Even chunks of Houston and the coast are increasingly blue. South Texas is purple and turning blue. It’s far east Texa along the Louisiana border, much of west Texas minus El Paso, and big hunks in DFW region that remain solid red.

  4. CompulsoryAccount7746, Sky Captain says

    @tyros #1:

    Does this guy go for the armpits?

    Rule 34: “Axillary intercourse”

  5. says

    It’s basically the Chewbacca offence: They launch completely incoherent attacks, and progressives can’t argue against them because we’re looking at each other saying “What the fuck did he just say?” “I don’t know, it made no damn sense at all.” And then the conservatives declare victory.

  6. Loqi says

    Dammit, I hit the toaster again. This intercourse thing is difficult. Maybe I should get a scope or something.

  7. stever says

    Not terribly relevant, but does anyone know who assigned red, the “enemy” color on NATO wargame maps, to the Republicans? It was a propaganda masterstroke, but party labels don’t mean much these days. Both parties seem equally determined to shred the Bill of Rights, and both seem equally determined to rig the economy so that no one who isn’t seriously rich can survive without some kind of government subsidy.

  8. says

    One of the big news agencies alternated red for the incumbent president’s party and blue for the challenger and vice versa. They happened to be on red for incumbent in 2000, which was a very polarizing election, and people latched onto the identifiers.

  9. Ysanne says

    “accurate intercourse”

    Reminds me of the joke about the Catholic wife who’s been married for a few years, and swaps sex stories with her best friend. Friend: “So, have you tried what it’s like sticking it in the … um … other hole?” “No way! We’re not ready to have kids! yet”

  10. sathyalacey says

    “That’s why couples who practice the withdrawal method of birth control are often called parents.”

    Funniest thing I’ve seen all week.

    …and I’m someone who, long ago, ‘practiced’ that method (and got incredibly lucky).

  11. says

    @ unbound #2

    A medical doctor (MD) degree is not a PhD, and not the equivalent of a PhD. Of course, a few MDs do go on to get a PhD, but damn few.

  12. brucemartin says

    I think Ysanne (#8) may be on the right track here.
    One can’t be sure, and my hypothesis should perhaps have a trigger warning, if the post title isn’t enough.
    But my guess on “accurate intercourse” is that some Republican men are eager to persuade their wives (and themselves?) that while they never intend to make love in the “other” hole, they would like people to believe that it easily happens by accident. Thus, the opposite of “accurate intercourse” is an excuse to rape one’s wife in the “other” hole without admitting that it was intentional. Some times it takes a lot of double-talk to permit them to remain sanctimonious bigots while being nasty to the one they “love”. And it also helps them to intimidate their victim into remaining married to them and tolerating it, until they can find a new trophy wife to practice their “inaccuracy” upon. Cognitive dissonance is a tool that can permit the amoral and/or psychopaths to extract many “benefits” from those around them. But that’s just my guess. I’m not a medical or psychological professional of any kind.

  13. lpetrich says

    The more usual color scheme is
    Left = red
    Right = blue

    As Dalillama, Schmott Guy pointed out, the reversed color scheme is a historical accident here.

  14. Nepenthe says

    @ sathyalacey

    You’re not just lucky. There’s very little evidence to support the idea that pre-ejaculate contains motile sperm. It seems to be one of those untrue things that everyone knows is true.

  15. Pierce R. Butler says

    Nepenthe @ # 14: There’s very little evidence to support the idea that pre-ejaculate contains motile sperm.

    Funny, a lot of medically trained birth control specialists think it does, and regularly so counsel their patients.

    Got a link on that?

  16. Trebuchet says

    WTF is “accurate intercourse”? Easy — it’s the opposite of “legitimate rape”!

  17. bushrat says

    I don’t know what everyone’s on about here, he’s absolutely right, if I pull out and miss, my girlfriend won’t get pregnant. Accuracy sure is important when getting someone pregnant.

  18. F [is for fluvial] says

    Accurate intercourse occurs only under laboratory conditions, and really isn’t intercourse. The only exceptions are a few animals which have evolved a targeting eye on the end of the penis, and vaginas that line up as as a perfect tube at will.

    What, I just made that up? IKR. Just like any other description of “accurate intercourse”.

    If these douchenozzles can somehow avoid facts and reality in our culture, I suggest dropping them into the middle of some other place where rape is institutionalized as a weapon. Maybe they’d feel the impact of the clue-bat then.

  19. anubisprime says

    Well if they truly believe the incredulously banal if not to mention biologically physiologically flat ‘wrong’ in the utter bollix they come up with, there is a silver lining to the cloud…they will become extinct in a generation!

    This is to be encouraged I think!

  20. says

    The Russians have modified their Kurs automated radar docking system originally developed for the space program to fit within genitalia.
    This should eliminate problems with inaccurate intercourse from here on out.

    The Kurs system involved one radar unit which performs as the active part, searching for and completing docking. The other half of the Kurs system is left in passive mode, merely beaconing as a signal for the active segment to home in one.

    No word yet as to which part of the human intercourse system will receive the active, “search and target” aspect of the Kurs Genital Program and which will serve as the passive target.

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