Guilty, but it won’t matter

Trump was found guilty of sexual assault on E. Jean Carroll, but keep in mind that this was a civil trial, not a criminal case, so he can’t be punished with jail time, only a fine. A $5 million fine. It will do nothing.

  • Trump won’t pay it. If we know anything of the man, it’s that he doesn’t pay his debts.

  • His audience of gullible authoritarian morons won’t care.

  • He’s going to continue his run for the presidency.

  • The media will continue to treat him as a serious politician, and court his approval.

It’s a moral victory, but Republicans don’t care about morality.

In honor of the new Interim President of the University of Minnesota

Welcome!

(WARNING! Ghastly scenes of carnivores butchering animals ahead!)

Thanks to Akira MacKenzie for dropping this horror into a vegetarian’s comment section (it’s OK, I’m a biologist, I’ve done and seen worse.)

I should show this video to all the new students next year and let them know where the college president’s expertise lies.

Cobweb art

I have realized that the way I raise spiders, in a plastic container with a 2-dimensional wooden frame assembled from coffee stirrers and hot glue, means that the spiders build cobwebs constrained to only 2 dimensions. Now I’m thinking it would be easier to study the rules they use to make these networks. Hmm…another student project?

This photo was shot with my iPhone. I think I could get something better with my Canon R and a lens opened wide, to f/1.4 or thereabouts, and a dark background set way back and out of focus. I may have to do some photography experiments.

Every accusation a confession

See that guy draped with ammo for his gun? That’s Bryan Slaton, a Republican slimeball from Texas, who committed an act that finally got him ousted from the legislature.

A Republican Texas state lawmaker who once proposed to ban children from attending drag shows to supposedly shield them from being groomed for abuse has resigned after he was found to have engaged in inappopriate sexual conduct with a 19-year-old intern.

Bryan Slaton, 45, resigned Monday while facing mounting calls from the state’s Republican party and conservative groups to step down. A state House investigation last week determined that he supplied alcohol to the intern and another young staffer, had sex with the intern after she had become intoxicated, and later showed her a threatening email while saying everything would be fine if she kept quiet about the encounter.

He is not a nice man.

Slaton, who has called for abortion to be a capital offense, had unprotected sex with the young woman and procured Plan B pregnancy-prevention medication the next morning, according to a friend of hers.

By capital offense, of course, he means the woman ought to be executed, not the man who gave her Plan B to protect himself. In fact, he would probably find it useful to have his victims terminated the morning after.

Wait until you get a load of Slaton’s defense…

Proud East Texan Slaton, whose website credits him as having “values and principles that resemble(represent) the great people of East Texas,” (a designation with which the people of East Texas may choose to decline), has not expressed contrition for his acts. His lawyer instead said that “the complaints should be dismissed because the behavior occurred in Slaton’s Austin residence, not the workplace.”

Right. Rape is perfectly fine if you do it in the home you share with your wife and young child. And would you believe he is a devout Christian who has been fulsomely praised for his faith?

Born in Mineola, Texas, Bryan Slaton is a proud East Texan with values and principles that resemble(represent) the great people of East Texas. These values were formed as he grew up regularly participating in church and family gatherings. Bryan attended Ouachita Baptist University, where he earned a double major in Youth Ministry / Speech Communication. He then attended Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and earned a Masters of Divinity with Biblical Languages. He served in the ministry as a Youth and Family Minister for 13 years.

Man, I look at that guy’s history, his record in office, his consistent sanctimony, and I think…that man’s a monster, I wouldn’t let my children anywhere near him. I bet the Texas lege is packed full of creatures exactly like him.

Whatever happened to Dr Oz?

That’s a question nobody bothered to ask, until now. Oz lost hard to Fetterman in his senate campaign, and turned himself into a standing joke with his bizarrely out-of-touch efforts to find common ground with Pennsylvanians, despite being from New Jersey. So what is he up to now? He seems to have abandoned Pennsylvania and any political aspirations, and is trying to resume his medical grift.

In running a polarizing political campaign, Oz risked all of that. Now, it appears he’s trying to get it back.

Indeed, after the election, reports emerged that Oz attempted to restart his daytime show, which ended in January 2022, before he kicked off his Senate bid. But his jaunt into politics soiled his marketability with a mainstream audience.

Perhaps more importantly, his Senate run entailed months of scrutiny from the press, and Oz’s opponents, dissecting his more dubious medical claims and business practices, tarnishing his reputation further.

All 13 seasons of his show were also produced by Winfrey’s Harpo Productions. Winfrey endorsed Fetterman in November.

He’s still a big joke, and his social media presence is permanently stained.

But even as Oz attempts to pivot back into the medical personality that built his fortune, onlookers aren’t always so receptive. While he still boasts fans in the comment sections who’ve lauded his semi-return to public life, many are still trolling the once-candidate with the same jokes that hung over his Senate run.

None of that will hurt his money-making con, though. He’s spending a lot of time in Florida nowadays, where he can fleece the MAGA sheep. One of the goals of the pseudoscience scam is to identify a ripe crop of gullible rubes, and his campaign did successfully accomplish that.

I predicted this

The president of the University of Minnesota, Joan Gabel, has decided to leave her $700,000/year position to get paid even more somewhere else. And no one wept.

However, now we begin the dance to hire a new overpaid administrator, and the first step is to hire an interim president for a year or so while we spend a lot of money wooing someone new. The Board of Regents presented us with a list of candidates, and I looked over that list with a cynical eye for the worst possible candidate, and predicted which one the regents would pick. Of course I was dead on.

The University of Minnesota Board of Regents on Monday picked former Hormel Foods CEO Jeff Ettinger to serve as interim president.

Ettinger is expected lead the U on a temporary basis while the Board of Regents searches for a new permanent president. The board looked for candidates for an interim who would not seek the position permanently.

Ten of the 12 board members voted for Ettinger, including Regent Mary Davenport.

“Ettinger is somebody from the outside, from a different point of view, a different walk in life who comes into higher education with some base knowledge, but brings something bigger,” Davenport said.

How could I know this was coming? Because I know our regents, and I just scanned the list for the businessman with no personal knowledge of academia.

Ettinger, who has a law degree, had the least amount of academic experience of the four finalists.

He told the board that his experience leading Hormel will translate well to the university.

Right. Hormel. The company that churns out processed meat, like Spam. Just like the university churns out meat for capitalism?

We’ll be rid of him soon enough, but we’re going to continue to be saddled with this inappropriate Board of Regents forever, and they’re going to pick the next president.

Maybe I’m being unfair. We just got a letter from the president of the board of regents, further explaining his background and experience.

Previously, he was the chief executive officer of the Hormel Foods Corporation in Austin, MN from 2005 to 2016. He ascended to CEO after 16 years with the company in roles including corporate attorney, treasurer and president of Jennie-O Turkey Store, Inc. in Willmar, MN.

Oh. President of the Jennie-O Turkey Store, you say? Eminently qualified to run an academic institution then.

A walk in the wetlands

Last night, Mary and I went for a bit of a hike at the Wetlands Management Office — they have a trail through a big chunk of very soggy land, full of ducks.

(Yes, that’s what the untilled prairie grasslands look like this time of year.)

It does look a bit brown, but spring just started. Give it time. We did find some prairie pasqueflowers, the first flowers of the season.

We also found spiders, of course, but maybe I’ll throw a few of those photos in a separate article on Patreon, so this one can be spider-free.

Let’s pretend humans are single-celled organisms

I’ve noticed a strange new dogma: sex is defined by the size of your gametes. You’re either making big ones or little ones (or none at all, but let’s ignore that, because we’re trying to invent a binary distinction), and some people plop down some simplistic claim, like that “women produce large gametes,” as if it is definitive and absolute. Other people are noticing this phenomenon.

There are those, politicians, pundits and even a few scientists, who maintain that whether our bodies make ova or sperm are all we need to know about sex. They assert that men and women are defined by their production of these gamete cells, making them a distinct biological binary pair, and that our legal rights and social possibilities should flow from this divide. Men are men. Women are women. Simple.

It’s stupid. It’s the new arbitrary definition to replace the Y chromosome excuse, and it’s got all the failings of any attempt to reduce a complex biological process to a single phrase.

For humans, sex is dynamic, biological, cultural and enmeshed in feedback cycles with our environments, ecologies and multiple physiological and social processes.

So when someone states that “An organism’s sex is defined by the type of gamete (sperm or ova) it has the function of producing” and argues that legal and social policy should be “rooted in properties of bodies,” they are not really talking about gametes and sex biology. They are arguing for a specific political, and discriminatory, definition of what is “natural” and “right” for humans based on a false representation of biology. Over the past few centuries this process of misrepresentation of biology was, and still is, used to deny women rights and to justify legal and societal misogyny and inequity, to justify slavery, racialization, racism and to enforce multiple forms of discrimination and bias. Today dishonest ascriptions of what biology is are being deployed to restrict women’s bodily autonomy, target LGBTQIA+ individuals broadly and, most recently, attack the rights of transexual and transgender people.

It’s embarrassing that there are actual scientists, biologists even, who dismiss all the complexity of post-zygotic development to shrink people down to nothing more than their gametes. It’s the new fad, though. We’re just going to have to wait this out as the bigots adopt yet another arbitrary definition to rationalize their weird-ass idiotic biases.

Let’s see the logical conclusion of this nonsense.

You may say that’s incredibly stupid, but mark my words: the people who want to control women’s reproduction and legislate sexuality are nodding along and thinking that’s a really useful point.

Minnesota is feeling increasingly special

I don’t know how people can stand to live in some of those other states — you know, the Republican states. Some people can’t, and they’re starting to leave places like Texas to move to colder but more welcoming states like ours.

The family moved 1,200 miles to St. Paul last summer after Texas took steps to limit pediatric access to gender-affirming care and investigate parents who sought it for transgender children.

“It got very bad, very quickly,” she said.

Advocates expect more families to move to Minnesota, which has positioned itself as a refuge while other states have restricted access by transgender people to bathrooms, sports teams and medical care. Minnesota, under its new “shield law,” won’t support any state’s prosecution of parents or doctors providing gender-affirming care for children.

They’re coming to us from the usual suspects…Texas, Florida.

A Florida dad limited his search to six states with shield laws and job prospects after deciding that his home state had become hostile to his 8-year-old transgender boy.

“The rhetoric started to ramp up and we could envision a time that we needed to move and decided to be proactive,” said the father, Daniel, who moved to St. Paul. He spoke on condition that only his first name be published, because his wife and children are finishing the school year in Miami.

If you’re interested in escaping your local hell hole, Transforming Families Minnesota seems to be one place you can contact. They also have a useful list of resources.

It’s going to get crowded if everyone moves here, though. A better solution would be for everyone’s state to kick the haters out of power and make your own local Minnesota. Until that miracle occurs, though, please do move North. You make this place even better.

Haw haw haw

Ken Ham was asked if Muslims are going to hell. His answer:

Well, it doesn’t matter if one is a Baptist, Presbyterian, Lutheran, Catholic, Mennonite, Muslim, Methodist, Hindu, Sikh, Orthodox Jew, or any other denomination or religious group—if a person has not repented of sin and received the free gift of salvation offered through the Lord Jesus Christ (being “born again”), they will be separated from God for eternity in a place the Bible calls hell. And sadly, the majority of people will go there as Jesus warned, ‘Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many’ (Matthew 7:13).

Shorter Ken Ham: yes.