Happy Creation Day!

Daniel Phelps just reminded me that today is 23 October, the date that James Ussher, Church of Ireland Archbishop of Armagh and Primate of All Ireland, determined to be the very first day of creation in 4004 BCE. That makes the world 6013 years old today, in his chronology (if you’re adding it up at home, remember that there is no year 0).

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Keep in mind that you now have excuses to party almost all week. Tomorrow, you should celebrate the creation of heaven and Space Water. You knew the earth was a floaty in a watery universe, right? I think the appropriate celebration is to drink.

Monday, you can celebrate Oceans and Plants day. Garden or go to the shore. And drink.

Tuesday is Moon Day. It’s also Sun Day. It took god a few days, but he finally got around to creating the celestial bodies. This should be a day sacred to werewolves and anathema to vampires. Celebrate by voting for Team Jacob. And drinking.

Wednesday is birds and fish day. This is a day of sorrow, because all the cephalopods will be weeping at their neglect — they don’t even get a mention in the book, except for a later declaration that they are generically unclean. Either that or the clueless idjits who wrote the book considered squid to be fish, which is highly offensive. Celebrate by contemplating cephalopods and raising many toasts to them.

Thursday is “Aw, screw it, I’m done” day, in which you just give up on your work, throw it all together in a big pile, announce that it’s good enough, and ship it. Celebrate by going out for ribs and putting your drink on, ’cause you aren’t doing a thing tomorrow.

That’s the plan, get out and implement it. Alternatively, you could look at the document above and recognize that it’s all an awesome load of absurd blatherskite and just toss it all in the rubbish.

I’m kind of leaning towards the latter plan.

I get email

Sometimes they sucker me. I thought James was writing a nice letter, at first.

I found your site to be entertaining. I must say after reading the comments from your site I can see where the problem really is in this country. The fools follow the leaders of silly nonsense.

See? It sort of sounds like he’s agreeing with me. Little did I know how he was using the word “entertaining”, which isn’t always complimentary. James is probably more familiar with the word in its less than flattering sense. Like when he turns to his date after sex to murmur, “Was it good for you, baby?” and she replies, “It was…entertaining.”

In the same way, James dashes my ego on the jagged rocks of his disapproval with the very next sentence.

You are either very immature or a godless liberal fool. Both would suffice based on your gibberish about evolution.

Nooooo! I am crushed…but wait. What’s that? The last sentence above — it simply ruins the effect. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy — you need to work on your delivery. The insult is fine, but don’t follow through with a statement that reveals your clownish nature. For instance, don’t do this:

“You are a fool. I wear my underpants on my head.”

Do you get my point? Take the underpants off your head before you try to pretend you’re a serious critic. Otherwise, the target will find themselves unable to take you at all seriously.

Scared your degree will be worthless? One day it will be when folks realize the dummying down of science to adjust to your religion..Scientism. That’s all it is.

Well, gosh, I’m not too scared. After all, my degree is almost worthless, economically. When you figure that I could have become a refrigerator repairman straight out of high school, I’ve given up a tremendous amount of money to get this degree, so it’s actually less than worthless.

I bet refrigerator repairmen don’t get dunned with dopey email about how they had to be dumbed down to believe that refrigerators actually work, or how they must worship coolants, and how Jesus uses his freeze ray to make things cold. I missed such an opportunity.

I was made to believe evolution while at University to be fact and never be doubted as not to be the only explanation of life.

Aaaiieeaaa! That sentence cries out in torment. My degree is at least good enough for alleviating the suffering of the English language a little bit. How about, “While I was at University, I was made to believe that evolution was a fact, never to be doubted as the only explanation for life.” Maybe you can use that when you recycle your complaint to Jerry Coyne or something.

That is when I knew the wolves were among us.

Thank you. That’s better than calling me a teddy bear, but not quite as nice as squid. I’m sure sheep find themselves intimidated by wolves all the time.

It’s nice to be educated, but not to be indoctrinated by pompous asses that believe they hold the key to all truths.

The letter is improving. I quite agree. It’s why I don’t go to church.

Good day..godless liberal fool…James

Too late, you’re still wearing underpants on your head, James!

Now that’s how to split the vote on a poll

The cunning way to make a poll unpharyngulable is to throw in an irrelevant extra option to draw off our attention, and the NY Daily News has done it well. They’re basically asking the question, “Is evolution true?” and giving us the option of no, yes, and Glenn Beck is a freakin’ moron, and look! Mobs of people rush in to give the irrelevant (but true) answer:

Is evolution a dubious theory being “forced down our throats”?

Yes, I’m sick of scientists telling me what to believe. 29%

No, it is clearly how things came to be. 24%
It’s harder to believe Glenn Beck is so popular. 47%

They should have also included “Ooooh, shiny…” and “Hey! Squirrel!”

The first answer is also misleading. It should have been worded, “Yes, I’m sick of smart, educated people telling me that my brain farts are wrong.”

Kentuckians! Have you got money in the L&N Federal Credit Union?

Do us all a favor and yank it out and invest it elsewhere. L&N is partnering with the Creation “Museum” in a 5K run. I have no objection to Ken Ham endorsing healthy exercise — presumably being a creationist dolt doesn’t interfere with the functioning of your limbs — but jebus, respectable businesses should be embarrassed to be associated with those kooks.

Make a smart decision, Illinois

In the governor’s race in Illinois, just the fact that he’s Republican is sufficient that I would discourage you from voting for Bill Brady. There’s also this video in which he claims to believe in both creation and evolution, but I have to say I found the interviewer more annoying than the wanna-be governor.

There’s a point where he’s hectoring Brady, telling him there are only two sides, he’s either got to be in favor of some garbled version of young earth creationism/intelligent design creationism, or he’s in favor of evolution. The interviewer insists on this despite Brady stating that he’s a theistic evolutionist, that his god created the world and evolution was the tool that he used to create humans.

It’s a very silly notion, but it’s still a real and commonly held position that is not synonymous with fundamentalist Biblical literalism. It’s wrong, but you aren’t going to show that it’s wrong by falsely pigeonholing a proponent into another, wronger position. It was very annoying to listen to someone who didn’t understand creationism trying to use his ignorance to bludgeon the dope.

So please do vote against Bill Brady. But do so for the right reasons, OK?

MC-AAI-ADM Coloquio Mexicano de Ateísmo 2010

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“La fe NO mueve montañas, la ciencia sí”

¡qui está! El evento ateo más esperado del año.

Con un importante
grupo de especialistas y expositores que no querrás perderte.

Asiste al Primer Coloquio de Ateísmo en México. Conoce
nuestra visión de este movimiento internacional que rebasa fronteras
culturales y políticas, uniendo a ateos, humanistas y otros
librepensadores en una comunidad definida por nuestro compromiso con la
libertad de expresión, libertad de conciencia, derechos humanos,
pensamiento crítico, razonamiento lógico y ciencia.

El acontecimiento tendrá lugar en la ciudad de México y es organizado de manera conjunta por Atheist Alliance International, El podcast de Masa Crítica y Ateísmo desde México.

En un solo día se abordarán varios temas de interés para los no
creyentes; Como la relación Iglesia-Estado, el papel de la religión en
la educación, La teoría de la evolución y su relación con la biología
moderna, la lucha contra el fundamentalismo, entre otros.

El grupo de ponentes incluye a íconos del librepensamiento, así como
académicos y activistas de México y el extranjero.

¡No te lo puedes perder!

Todos los precios incluyen:

  • Acceso total a las conferencias
  • Refrigerios
  • Acceso al espacio de exposición
  • Kit de bienvenida

Sitio Oficial:

http://www.ateosmexicanos.org/coloquio