I want to see the mighty sex battles

Lately, I’ve been curious about this one species of spiders I’ve been breeding, Steatoda borealis. What makes them stand out compared to the other two species in the lab is the size of their palps — they’re significantly larger in S. borealis. It’s got me wondering why they have these massive spiky hooked medieval maces on their faces, where other species have prominent, distinctive bulbs but nothing of the magnitude of this one set of males.

Then I see this species of harvestmen that put my spiders to shame. Look at this gigantic apparatus on the animal’s head! It can be up to 50% of their body weight!

The surprised don’t end there. These harvestmen have three distinct kinds of males, alpha, beta, and gamma, all distinguishable by the morphology of their genitals, and then there are females, of course (only one flavor, though). So four sexes?

Intraspecific variation in the New Zealand harvestman Forsteropsalis pureora: (a) alpha male (major), (b) beta male (major) (c) gamma male (minor), and (d) female. The second cheliceral segment representative of alphas, betas, gammas, and females is shown underneath the corresponding in situ photograph. Scale bars indicate 1 mm.

So how did this state of affairs come about? Fighting. The males engage in combat to gain access to females. This is a familiar strategy — you’ve got the big bruisers who go straight into battle with their rivals, and while they’re thus engaged, you’ve got the gracile sneaker males who dart in and have sex. Those big genitals are costly and tactics that don’t require that kind of investment are advantageous. We’ve seen similar phenomena in beetles and squid.

Alpha and beta males can have a body mass up to seven times higher than that of gamma males, demonstrating the drastic intraspecific variation found in this species. Gamma males adopt a scrambling strategy, searching through their environment to find mates and avoiding contests with other males, while alpha and beta males use their exaggerated chelicerae as weapons in contests to access females.

Awesome. Now I’m thinking that maybe S. borealis exhibits a pattern of combat that has driven the evolution of more exaggerated genitals. It’s not the only possibility, though — the females of this species are also fairly large and powerfully built. So who’s fighting whom?

I may have an excuse to set up some cage matches in the lab.

Crypto is disintegrating before our eyes

Just a bit crooked

Good news! Changpeng Zhao, Sam Bankman-Fried’s brother-by-another-mother, just got slapped with a $50 million fine and was forced to resign, while his company, Binance, was fined $4.3 BILLION.

Court papers filed by the government say that Binance chose not to implement anti-money laundering measures, essentially allowing the firm to become a clearinghouse for all manner of illicit financial transactions. Between 2018 and 2022, that led to nearly $900 million in financial transactions that violated sanctions against Iran, the court papers charge.

In June, the Securities and Exchange Commission came after Binance and Coinbase, another crypto exchange, asking Binance to freeze all assets on its U.S. platform and accusing Coinbase of acting as a securities exchange, broker and clearing agency.

The plea deal is the latest victory in the Securities and Exchange Commissions’s effort to rid bad crypto actors from the United States, said Carl Tobias, a law professor at the University of Richmond.

Wait, how do you tell a bad crypto actor from a good one? Is it because the latter doesn’t exist?

The end of Zoom…for me

I adopted Zoom in all of my classes when the pandemic hit — I liked the flexibility it provided for the students. I would offer the full combo: I’d have class in person, and simultaneously broadcast it over Zoom, and also record video that I’d put online. All exams were online, which opened up opportunities, because I wouldn’t have to waste a class hour watching students scribbling on paper. I’m done, though. It just doesn’t work, and this week has highlighted the problem.

It’s a short week because of Thanksgiving break, and instead of losing one lecture hour to proctoring an exam, I’ve lost a whole lot of student hours. Attendance is way, way down. I think some students have decided to start their break on Monday instead of Thursday, because I’ve fostered a classroom culture where everyone thinks they can make up absences on the fly. I’m a bit concerned that I’m going to go to class today in a nearly empty room.

So, next semester…no more Zoom. I’m going to block off days for exams and quizzes. If students don’t attend classes, they will just miss out. I’m going to be so traditional and old-fashioned, and I hope that turns things around.

He was dressed in every red flag

Look at this guy. Phillip Fisher Jr.’s CV is like his destiny was predestined.

• Pastor

• Republican ward leader

• Trump supporter

• Campaigner for Mehmet Oz

• Faith coordinator for Moms for Liberty

Are you surprised by this little revelation?

Fisher was convicted in 2012 for aggravated sexual abuse of a 14-year-old boy, with the charging documents saying that Fisher, then 25, engaged and oral and anal sex with the boy.

It’s as if extremist right-wing groups are magnets for pedophiles.

He repeatedly denied any wrongdoing and called his conviction “one blip” in his background. He blamed it all on a dispute about his trying to break away from the LaRouche organization, and said the 14-year-old boy and his parents were part of that group.

“One blip.” He has a spotless record, except for that one time he put his penis in a 14 year old boy. Got it.

Besides, he was framed.

“It was a political situation that happened between me and Lyndon LaRouche,” Fisher said. “It was a member of his camp, his party, that made the accusation. They pushed it through. It was really a railroad job.”

Ew, ick. He was a LaRouchie? Unforgivable.

Moms for Liberty really needs to vet their volunteers more thoroughly.

Okay boomer

Winning a Nobel prize does not mean you are a smart guy. It means you have a lot of in-depth knowledge about a very specific, narrow scientific domain, and it’s bad news when people treat you as a universal oracle.

I remind people that Jim Watson and William Shockley were horrible racist bigots — they just knew a bit about the structure of DNA or how transistors work. Kary Mullis was a super flaky space cadet who had an insight into DNA replication. Don’t bother asking them how any other aspect of the universe works.

Now I’ve got another example of bad Nobelists: John Clauser. He won a Nobel in 2022 for his work on quantum mechanics, and I’ll trust that he knew his stuff. Unfortunately, now he’s decided that he’s an expert in climate change. Great news! There is no climate crisis! he says.

During a fiery news conference at the Four Seasons hotel here Tuesday, speakers denounced climate change as a hoax perpetrated by a “global cabal” including the United Nations, the World Economic Forum and many leaders of the Catholic Church.

It might have seemed like a fringe event, except for one speaker’s credentials. John F. Clauser had shared the Nobel Prize in physics last year before declaring Tuesday that “there is no climate crisis” — a claim that contradicts the overwhelming scientific consensus.

The event showcased the remarkable shift that Clauser, 80, has undergone since winning one of the world’s most prestigious awards for his groundbreaking experiments with light particles in the 1970s. His recent denial of global warming has alarmed top climate scientists, who warn that he is using his stature to mislead the public about a planetary emergency.

Clauser, who has a booming voice and white hair he often leaves uncombed, has brushed off these concerns. He contends that skepticism is a key part of the scientific process.

I like my skepticism informed and based on evidence, thank you very much. You don’t just run around denying things — you have to actually do the work of showing that those things are wrong. This is a case where someone is making “skeptical” claims on the basis of a false authority and ego. So what is Clauser’s argument?

Clauser, who has never published a peer-reviewed paper on climate change, has homed in on one message in particular: The Earth’s temperature is primarily determined by cloud cover, not carbon dioxide emissions from burning fossil fuels. He has concluded that clouds have a net cooling effect on the planet, so there is no climate crisis.

I had to go looking for the scientific basis for this claim, and I found it. It’s NASA. On a site called Climate Kids, it’s for children who want to know more about climate science, so it’s a good match for Clauser’s level of understanding.

Clouds within a mile or so of Earth’s surface tend to cool more than they warm. These low, thicker clouds mostly reflect the Sun’s heat. This cools Earth’s surface.

Clouds high up in the atmosphere have the opposite effect: They tend to warm Earth more than they cool. High, thin clouds trap some of the Sun’s heat. This warms Earth’s surface.

What about when you look at the effect of all clouds together? Cooling wins. Right now, Earth’s surface is cooler with clouds than it would be without the clouds.

Uh-oh…he’s right? Not really. The site goes on to say,

Climate scientists predict that as Earth’s climate warms, there will also be fewer clouds to cool it down. So, unfortunately, we can’t count on clouds alone to slow down the warming.

I’d also point out that clouds are only one factor in climate, and I’d need a quantitative understanding of the relative contributions of clouds vs., for instance, greenhouse gasses. I’d want to get the opinion of a genuine expert in the field, a real climatologist. Like Michael Mann.

Michael Mann, a professor of earth science at the University of Pennsylvania, said this argument is “pure garbage” and “pseudoscience.”

The “best available evidence” shows that clouds actually have a net warming effect, Mann said in an email. “In physics, we call that a ‘sign error’ — it’s the sort of error a freshman is embarrassed to be caught having made,” he said.

Of course, does Michael Mann have a Nobel prize in quantum mechanics? He does not. All he has is relevant expertise in the actual field in question, but no shiny gold medal.

In other embarrassing revelations, we also learn something else about Clauser.

Tuesday’s event was organized by the Deposit of Faith Coalition, a group of more than a dozen Catholic organizations that argues “those pushing the anti-God and anti-family climate agenda need to be called out and exposed,” according to its website. Clauser, who is an atheist, needed some convincing to be the keynote speaker, a coalition spokesman acknowledged.

Have I ever mentioned that it’s not just Nobelists, but also sometimes atheists can be big fucking idiots?

Oh come on now

I very much like Scott Manley’s videos: technical, detailed, interesting analyses of space flights, delivered with a pretty accent. He applied his critical eye to the recent SpaceX kaboom, and it was informative. He explains how it improves on the last disaster, which is valid — this time, it didn’t demolish the launch platform, and all the first stage engines fired up this time. Progress!

Except then, he goes on to insist this was a success.

That’s the most generous definition of “success” ever. All the engines fired on the first stage, and it successfully uncoupled from the second stage…then it exploded spectacularly. The second stage went on to also explode. Victory! This is not to say that they didn’t learn things from the failed mission, but it’s still a dramatic failure. Unless the intent was to loft the most expensive firework ever, it’s still not a success.

Holidays coming! Let’s get depressed!

American Thanksgiving is coming this week! Many of the students are planning on escaping the university this weekend, traveling to visit family and getting away from homework (I’m assigning some anyway.) And then I read this complaint.

Dear Boomers,

I wanted to let you know why you’re all sitting around feeling sorry for yourselves because your children and grandchildren didn’t come to Thanksgiving.

Because after the last few times you guilted us into driving an hour to visit Because you “never get to see” your grandchild, you sat and stared at the TV (Fox News) obviously, watching people check ballots for bamboo. We were there 3 hours and you didn’t engage or play with your Grandchild. We all sat around, watching you watch TV.

Because we are tired of the passive aggressive jabs you make to our spouses. We are tired of the temper tantrums you throw if anything less than a parade is thrown in thanks to the dinner you made. A dinner that, all the ingredients were purchased by us, as we have always gone to the grocery store multiple times as thanks for letting us stay. A dinner that we volunteered to help make, and clean up.

We’re tired of your racism, the racism you only really show around family, and despite the fact it is 2023 and we’ve made our feelings known on the subject, you can’t help yourself. Maybe you do it out of spite in front of us because you know it bothers us. Regardless, we refuse to allow our children to be around racists that throw around the N word with such ease. To speak about anyone non white non “American” . You see, we can’t wait for the lot of you to go extinct and take your racism and homophobia with you.

Because we are tired of listening to you talk shit about everyone. Your “friends” and family cannot do anything right, according to you. Everyone is out to get you. The world is so unfair to YOU.

Because when we had kids of our own we found how easy it is to make it through the day without screaming, yelling and hitting our children.

Because after years of the above mentioned,. we feel physically ill around you. Because despite the fact that we are grown, professional, adult people, our bodies immediately tense up and ready us for the attack that will come.

Because you are toxic and angry and I don’t have to subject myself to a toxic environment, and I will not subject my partner and my child to that toxic environment either.

Uh, yeah, as a boomer myself I am simultaneously feeling insulted and thinking there’s a lot of truth to what they say. Some of you might have similar stories and similar concerns. I suggest you all invite Leslie Jones to your Thanksgiving.

I have to admit, though, that I have not had this unpleasant experience. I come from a family of blue-collar liberal Democrats. I was always happy to hang out with my brothers and sisters and parents and grandparents and cousins and uncles and aunts. A few individuals might have been closet conservatives, but they weren’t going to cause trouble at the dinner table, unless they wanted to be shouted down.

It’s true that my father had to have the TV on, but it was all football and never Fox News. He would also get upset at bad football and retreat to the bosom of the family, and was generally the primary cook and spent a lot of time in the kitchen. In fact, the last words I heard from him were when I called on Christmas, and he couldn’t come to the phone, and all I heard was “Goddamn it, cat! Get off the table!”

My kids all turned out well and I’m always happy to see them, but they’ve all dispersed, and we live in a place where the weather tends to screw up travel plans.

So I have the opposite problem. My wife and I will have a quiet time alone pining for our families. We do have some freedom, though, so if Leslie Jones would like to stop by for a respite, the door will be open. I’m planning to fix a vegetarian shepherd’s pie, if she’s interested.

Bless your beautiful hide!

My wife and I got together this morning and strolled over to the holy place — my lab. She’s been raising a few spiders of her own, and we brought them to the microscope to go “ooh” and “aah” over them and sex them. We ended up identifying 7 females and 7 males, which immediately brought to mind…

None of them were singing, fortunately, but we paired them up and set them up in nice housing with a little spritz of water and and a bunch of flies. We watched them for a bit, but unfortunately for our hopes for a little boom-chicka-wow-wow, the boys were kind of shy. We left them to a quiet night alone, and I’ll check on them in the morning. And remove any corpses, the standard service for any honeymoon suite.

The boys are all thinking about whether these are the brides for them right now.

Everyone is talking about Homo naledi now

Since I mentioned the fun time I had in class getting students to wrestle with the claims of Homo naledi‘s superpowers, it was a nice coincidence that Gutsick Gibbon made a video about the very same conversation, right down to the same papers I gave my students to read.

I did have a moment of concern — am I pushing graduate level content on first year undergrads? Nah, they handled it fine and even came up with some of the same points mentioned in the video.