Bless your beautiful hide!

My wife and I got together this morning and strolled over to the holy place — my lab. She’s been raising a few spiders of her own, and we brought them to the microscope to go “ooh” and “aah” over them and sex them. We ended up identifying 7 females and 7 males, which immediately brought to mind…

None of them were singing, fortunately, but we paired them up and set them up in nice housing with a little spritz of water and and a bunch of flies. We watched them for a bit, but unfortunately for our hopes for a little boom-chicka-wow-wow, the boys were kind of shy. We left them to a quiet night alone, and I’ll check on them in the morning. And remove any corpses, the standard service for any honeymoon suite.

The boys are all thinking about whether these are the brides for them right now.


  1. nomdeplume says

    Hmmmm – probably one of the worst and certainly most misogynistic musicals ever made…

  2. nomdeplume says

    From Wikipedia:
    The following slogan was used to publicize the film in 1954:
    Adam abducted Milly
    Benjamin brought Dorcas
    Caleb caught Ruth
    Daniel detained Martha
    Ephraim eloped with Liza
    Frank fetched Sarah
    Gideon grabbed Alice

  3. nomdeplume says

    From Wikipedia:
    The following slogan was used to publicize the film in 1954:
    Adam abducted Milly
    Benjamin brought Dorcas
    Caleb caught Ruth
    Daniel detained Martha
    Ephraim eloped with Liza
    Frank fetched Sarah
    Gideon grabbed Alice

  4. birgerjohansson says

    A much more whomesome marriage.

    Rosalynn Carter -the wife of president Carter- died today.
    From what I have read about her, she was a nice person, married to a president that was neither corrupt nor power-hungry.

  5. chrislawson says

    ‘…a president that was neither corrupt nor power-hungry’…which seems to be why many Americans today consider him a failure :(

  6. chrislawson says

    Yep. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers has some great songs and dance routines, but ye gods, the story!

  7. hemidactylus says

    Ughh! From what I gather she just recently entered hospice. Jimmy has been in hospice most of the year. What a tragic end of life couple circumstance. I wonder how aware he is right now. They had long lives but still. End of life shit sucks! I especially feel for the family having been there myself. Sadness!

    Jimmy was far more sophisticated than his aww shucks peanut farmer persona lets on. He was the first Trilat POTUS. Tucking Afghanistan under the Soviet ass started with his NSA guy. The malaise speech was just part of his undoing. Iran Hostage birth of Nightline didn’t help.

    I kinda became politically aware in elementary school under Carter.

    He managed to find a peace between Sadat and Begin which didn’t turn out very well for the former.

    RIP Rosalynn. 😢

  8. says

    Years ago I was on a geology field trip in central Queensland. Australians call it the “Deep North” , our version of the Deep South. One property we visited was run by 7 brothers who had inherited the property from their father. Yes they were all married. With one exception they all lived in the main house which had grown haphazardly as the family grew. The exception was one brother who had gone to the “big smoke” to do a business degree. When he returned to manage the family business they built another house with office nearby.

  9. Rob Grigjanis says

    hemidactylus @10:

    The malaise speech

    The speech was actually fairly well received by the public, until the media started referring to it as “the malaise speech”. Carter never used the word in his speech.

  10. Allison says

    Wikipedia describes “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” as a sort of updating of the Rape of the Sabine Women. Only sweetened up.

    I haven’t seen it (and won’t), but the description of the critical response to it reminds me of what I read about the critical reaction to Nabokov’s book Lolita. It was all about how it satirized middle-class life or something, and such. But nobody seemed to mind that it was about an unrepentant child molester. I tried reading it, but it grossed me out in the first few pages and I couldn’t read any further. I suspect I would feel the same way about this movie. IMHO it shows the pervasiveness of rape culture.

  11. wzrd1 says

    birgerjohansson @ 7, Jimmy must be a complete wreck. They were married for 77 years.
    I still am and it’s been over a year and a half, after over 42 years.

    hemidactylus @ 10 and Jimmy fended off a swamp rabbit, despite having little experience with the beasts (it was being chased by hunting dogs and did what that variety does, swam).
    I’d have done pretty much the same, although I’d likely be making Monty Python jokes about it afterward.
    “I bravely turned and rowed away…”, showing an image, first of the swimming rabbit near the boat, then an image of a fast moving racing speedboat.

  12. bcw bcw says

    @13 Lolita is about the way Humbert Humbert deceives himself to justify the horrible behavior that leads to his arrest. The reader see what Humbert refuses to see and that is the point of the book. Seven Brides – yeah it’s a rape musical, the cave man hit the girl on the head and drag her back to a cave concept treated as light fun. Predecessor to Porky’s and Revenge of the Nerds.

  13. antaresrichard says

    ‘Seven Brides for Seven Brothers’?

    If you don’t mind, I think I’ll watch me something more romantic like ‘Carousel’ (1956) where Shirley Jones and Susan Luckey in a mother/daughter moment, stare dreamy-eye and face-on into the camera to ponder the following:

    Luckey as Louise:

    “But is it possible mother, for someone to hit you hard like that – real loud and hard, and not hurt you at all?”

    Jones as Julie:

    “It is possible Dear, for someone to hit you – hit you hard, and it not hurt at all.”

    You see, Billy Bigelow,* Julie’s long deceased husband, come back to Earth to help his daughter Louise, use to beat Julie among other things. Indeed, Bigelow’s first contact as a spirit with his own child ends with him slapping her hand – just as if he “kissed” it, she momentarily remarks; sparking renewed hope and recognition in her mom.

    Ain’t love grand?


    *Played by Gordon MacRae

  14. vucodlak says

    Huh, I never knew that’s what Seven Brides for Seven Brothers was about. Ick.

    I think I’ll stick with Helluva Boss for my wholesome family musical entertainment. Blitzo and crew might commit the occasional mass murder, but they never get up to anything that nasty.

  15. John Morales says


    Fourth wall break time.

    Weeaboo lad, regardless of Morales’ impaired capacities, [blah]

    For those external to the drama of it all, this poster who misnymes me carries the awkwardly forced conceit that chigau is a boy in a basement.

    Yeah. Simple as that. Supposedly derogatory. Weak as fuck.

    Hsve you learned how to use the Google machine?

    FFS. I am younger than chigau, I reckon.

    It is very, very, very stupid of you to keep trying to carry on with that conceit, SkunkyBreath.
    And, as the years go by, it will become ever more stupid.

    (Though, of course, it could be hardly become more evidently stupid)

    BTW. the Google machine is well and truly fucked, too. Used to be good, used to work fine.

    Now, alas.

    Still. One manages. Somehow.

  16. Silentbob says

    @ 違う

    Excerpts from some contemporary reviews:

    M-G-M, a movie manufactory that has not been represented by any outstanding musicals in recent months, has delivered a wholly engaging, bouncy, tuneful and panchromatic package labeled “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” and deposited it at the Music Hall yesterday. A distant relation of “Oklahoma!” with such unrelated godfathers as Stephen Vincent Benet and Plutarch, this lively fable skillfully blends a warm and comic yarn about the rustic romances of a family of Oregonian pioneers with strikingly imaginative choreography and a melodic score several notches above standard. And, an amiable and talented cast go to it with a will to make these cheerful ingredients infectious.Perhaps it is not especially important to divine precisely what the author, or the scenarists who adapted his story, “The Sobbin’ Women,” had in mind. Suffice it to say that the results add up to a gay tale about seven strapping young farmers whose unkempt persons and filthy cabin have never benefited by the tender distaff touch until, that is, the oldest brings home a comely bride.

    The New York Times – July 23, 1954

    This is a happy, hand-clapping, foot-stomping country type of musical with all the slickness of a Broadway show. Johnny Mercer and Gene de Paul provide the slick, showy production with eight songs, all of which jibe perfectly with the folksy, hillbilly air maintained in the picture. Howard Keel’s robust baritone and Jane Powell’s lilting soprano make their songs extremely listenable.

    A real standout is the acrobatic hoedown staged around a barn-raising shindig, during which six of the title’s seven brothers vie in love rivalry with the town boys for the favor of the mountain belles.

    Variety – Dec 31, 1953

    You can read the full reviews at the links. Certainly nothing to suggest it wasn’t seen as “wholesome family entertainment”.

  17. wzrd1 says

    Well, at least the culture improved since the 1950’s kidnap as courtship ideas to the 1970’s and 1980’s quality of Death Wish, where most of the films centered on graphic rape scenes before settling down to armed combat.
    BTW, was Planet of the Apes more an allegory than a pure fiction, with the apes becoming as “civilized” as humans by running around with guns? No wait, a bit more civilized, none of the apes raped anyone. They only lobotomized humans to maintain compliance.

  18. says

    Well, it may have been a fun musical, So, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying it for the superficial fun. But, seven brothers? We don’t need people breeding like rabbits. And, mail order brides – not exactly enlightened.
    Tangential to topic:
    I remember reading that President Carter was the first to put solar panels on the White House. And, of course, that evil barbarian ronny the raygun immediately took them off when he was elected. WTF.

Leave a Reply