My wife will be so surprised

Hank Fox, who assures me that he is ALL MAN (just look at that beard), told me to take this test…and I seem to have a woman’s brain.

i-b2e0e056559b584dff4649b8d1df20c3-sex_score.jpg

It’s my result from my BBC sex test. I think I confused them, though: I did well on all the spatial reasoning tests and kind of bombed on the empathy stuff (male!), but I also kicked ass on the “spot the difference” test and the ability to recognize emotions from just eyes (female and off the scale!). Being able to spit out 16 and 17 synonyms for a word also makes me more ladylike, I guess.

(When you look at the actual raw scores and the averages, though, my main impression is that men and women aren’t that much different from one another, given the likely amount of variation.)

Bad Santas

If you had a crummy Christmas morning (I didn’t, so I’m just linking these as a public service), here are a few outlets.
Silly Humans finds an Evil Santa Generator — create your own nasty, scabrous, ugly Santa Claus, suitable for framing.

If you really want to know why Santa gave you such a crappy Christmas, read about the legend of El Caganer, and you will understand.

My Santa was a sweet, jolly fellow who got me a stack of books, a pound of smoked salmon, and the first season of Deadwood on DVD, so I’m going to enjoy a profane, cynical, bloody Western after I get the Christmas feast cooking slowly in the oven.

But what if I like dandelions?

Maybe we should sic Edward Tufte on ’em—Feministing found some amazing posters that purport to explain everything with the power of overwrought metaphor and cluttered, confusing cartoons. It just draws your eye in with the awesomeness of its arbitrariness.

i-ba8344d12ea4c53b6b2fdc0fb939f110-dandy_sex.jpg

So contraception is the source of single-parent families and infanticide? The stalk of divorce leads to the flower of abortion? The leaves of adultery and pre-marital sex use sunlight and carbon dioxide to make the sugar of sexual chaos that is stored in the root of coitus interruptus? Watch out, kids, if you blow on the puffball of euthansia, you’ll spread the seeds of a thousand new sex weeds! Now go in the house and wash the lust and hedonism off your hands.

It just doesn’t make sense.

I realized, though, that anybody can slap random labels on a random diagram to send meaningless messages out. Even me. So here you go, a fun and informative diagram that will help you understand all kinds of curious relationships in the world around you.

i-3094b3933ff97b0e198b0602529ea4f9-my_explanation.jpg

Please, use this information wisely and be sure to let it guide your life…to a brighter, healthier future, rich with the well-earned fruits of ying tong iddle I po.

Does this actually work?

This spam mail came into my mailbox, and I made the mistake of opening it. I know the spammers throw in random blocks of text and mangle the porn keywords to throw off our filters, but this juxtaposition was just plain weird.

Fundamentalists believe Jesus was God becoming man. I believe that Jesus was man becoming God.

URL deleted
Rvedhead Gxirl Sfucking Her Fhirst GIGTANTCOCK

The Holy Spirit can’t save saints or seats. If we don’t know any non-Christians, how can we introduce them to the Savior?Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.

Idleness is the stupidity of the body, and stupidity is the idleness of the mind.Jump into the middle of things, get your hands dirty, fall flat on your face, and then reach for the stars.

I suspect this would have been more effective at getting people to look at their site if they left out the garbled English line after the url. Although, I don’t know since I didn’t follow the link—maybe there’s an evangelical Christian site there.

(I sincerely hate and despise spammers. Currently, I’m getting about 2:1 junk:real mail ratios delivered to my laptop, and that’s after spam assassin torches much of it at one of the intermediary sites I run mail through.)