Objectively anti-Christmas

I am horrified. The J Train tries to ruin Christmas Eve with this…abomination. Don’t watch it if you value your eyes, ears, sense of equilibrium, and sanity. It’s Celine Dion doing AC/DC.

And here I’ve been using Cthulhu as a signifier for incomprehensibly monstrous alien horrors. There’s a new standard.


  1. says

    Oh god, I couldn’t watch. I watched ’til I realized she was going to try to cover “You Shook Me All Night Long,” then I had to shut it off. That’s like casting Carrot Top as Rick Blaine in “Casablanca”. It’s like hiring Piers Anthony to rewrite Shakespeare.

    If I’d been in the audience, I really think I’da tried to kill her.

  2. Bob O'H says

    The audience shots are most amusing: these guys clearly have no idea about the original version.

    My comparison would be like asking Elmer Phud to sing Die Walküre. It works, but only in some bizarre twisted universe I don’t care to inhabit.


  3. Ken Mareld says

    That was as Elmer Fudd would say, ‘Vewy, vewy, Scawey’.
    I lasted about 30 seconds. Play this at the door on Halloween and you would get to keep ALL of the candy.

    May the invisible tentacles of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (but with Swedish meatballs) touch your mid-brain.


  4. says

    You are one sick puppy for putting this up. I could have handled it better if she had tried to re-interpret this as a ballad or something slow and syrupy, as perhaps Norah Jones would have had the good sense to do.

    But no, this spoiled brat, who married her Svengali, tried to play it straight up.

    Have you no sense of shame, sir?

  5. says

    Oh great greasy gonads of a non-existent god, you had to find that nugget and then propagate it? Please hold on whilst I get my vomit bucket.

  6. Mnemosyne says

    I tried to make my husband watch it last night, but he threatened to divorce me if I did.

    It was worse for him because that was what he wanted as the first dance song at our wedding.

  7. John says

    I’m gonna be a realist, here. Celine both looks and sounds like Ben Johnson. Any horror you experience from this version is from properties inherent to the song.

  8. says

    No, actually Brian Johnson is far more attractive.

    Thanks for causing me such intense pain on Christmas Eve, right before hordes of family are due to descend upon my parents’ house. The screech was just horrible enough that I’m starting to wonder if the trepanation guy wasn’t right after all. I need to let the pressure out.

  9. says

    No, don’t trephine yourself. When I stumbled onto that horror on the J train, I knew there was only one way to vent: post it on my site and spread the evil.

  10. kmiers says

    Absolute, unequivocal proof that there is no god. Pass the eye-bleach (and some knitting needles for my ears).

  11. Pirate Dan says

    Actually, I thought Ben Jonson was pretty accurate. I’d say she looks a lot like a dead dramatist who has spent nearly 370 years buried under Westminster Abbey.

  12. T. Bruce McNeely says

    Is this proof that Canada has weapons of mass destruction?
    Can we expect an invasion in the near future?

  13. Smart_Cookie says

    Okay, now I’m really ashamed that she’s from Canada.

    On behalf of all Canadians, I apologize. I’m truly, truly, sorry for the horror that we unleashed upon the rest of the world.

    BTW – Happy Holidays PZ!!! Best wishes to you and yours.

  14. False Prophet says

    Um no, she’s from the “distinct nation” of Quebec. When they finally leave, we should put it in the separation agreement that she is never permitted on Canadian soil again.

  15. Trev_UK says

    Thank you Celine, for destroying my belief in freedom of expression. I thought it couldn’t get any worse than Rolf Harris’ “Stairway To Heaven”, but…..

  16. seaducer says

    UGH! I used to like that song! I thought it was terrible when Britany Spears covered Satifaction by the Stones, but at least I was never a Stones fan.

    Way to ruin Christmas dude, now I gotta go listen to the Muppets sing 12 Days of Christmas to get me back into the groove…

  17. Azkyroth says

    Go listen to Tori Amos’ cover of “Raining Blood.” It’s actually really delightful. ^.^

  18. says

    Thanks a lot, P.Z. Now I’m going to have to disappoint my family right at Christmastime by telling them that I’ve seen the light and now know no earthly reason to continue living.

    By the way, is it just me or is there some kind of funky modulation going on with Anastasia’s voice? She sounds like the vocal line from that Daft Punk song ‘One More Time.’

  19. says

    And here I’ve been using Cthulhu as a signifier for incomprehensibly monstrous alien horrors. There’s a new standard.

    Don’t you know? Celine Dion is Cthulhu.

    It’s not even a very good disguise.

  20. Tom says

    I actually think it was very well done. It was fast and less heavy than the original, but hey they sing in tune and have fun with it and I’d like to hear any of the “critics” sing half as well as either of these women.

    I find that people don’t like covers very often. I very high percentage of people always prefer the original. “Killing me softly” by Roberta Flack or the Fugees?? I like both versions except for that annoying rapper dude who keeps saying “one time…. two time”….

    So I’m actually a Celine Fan. I like singers who actually have a great instrument like Celine Dion, Christina Aguilera, Whitney Houston, Sheryl Crow… and the list continues… Please remove Britney and Paris from the media world before slagging off performances like this one…

    nuff said…

  21. allerron says

    Yes, Celine Dion IS a Canadian Weapon of Mass Destruction.

    She is sooo dangerous that we do not even store her on Canadian soil. Instead we have convinced the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce to use her to brain-wash people into spending more money on gambling.

    May the gods forgive us for tampering with destiny and creating such a monster….

  22. Millimeter Wave says

    Actually I quite liked it.

    -Arthur Dent


    It took me a few seconds to get what you meant, but I think it’s very apposite ;-)

  23. J. J. Ramsey says

    Did anyone notice that Celine Dion was doing a bit of air guitar at the beginning? It just added a touch of class to the whole thing.

    Also, did anyone notice that there was something in the end credits about “Save the Music”? Yes, save the music, please, from *them*!

    BTW, if you want a way to get that awfulness out of your head without doing physical damage to yourself, try watching this bit of blasphunny:


    Just don’t imagine Celine Dion trying to imitate it.

  24. goddogtired says

    What an ugly AND untalented broad! Couldn’t she afford, like, talent lessons now? I know she’s make a lot of money.

  25. says

    I didn’t actually hate it, and that kinda scares me. At least she went for it all the way. It would make a good companion to a punk-rock cover of My Heart Will Go On, or Leslie Gore’s version of Dirty Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap). Usually I despise Celine utterly.

    This, however, is pure, cocaine-fueled evil.
    (found via WFMU’s Beware Of The Blog)

  26. Brian X says

    Not the worst thing I’ve ever heard… spectacularly misguided, but not that badly done at all.

    But then I have a far higher Celine tolerance than most. She’s not my style of music, but I actually… uh… (really small letters) like… some of her stuff…

  27. brtkrbzhnv says

    I thought it all right; the original was OK too. I hadn’t heard it before, for I am neither old nor into rock and/or roll.

  28. Azkyroth says

    Anyway, I find the singular fixation on the singer’s looks mildly irritating, but mainly I’m surprised that someone actually managed to make an AC/DC song *less* enjoyable.

  29. Reciprocating Bill says

    Wow. Antievolutionists can no longer argue that no one has ever seen a cat turn into a dog.

    I WAS impressed by that little hopping thing on one foot she did near the beginning – given those spiky heels. But shouldn’t she be in goofy short pants?

  30. David Bruggeman says

    The ‘dude’ in the halter top is Anastacia. Not that anyone would necessarily know that. Was this taken from one of those misguided VH-1 Divas specials?

    Oh, and William Shatner wants an apology from everyone who thought he was the worst Canadian cover artist.

  31. Edmund says

    What’s with the knee-jerk reaction from almost everyone? PZ says it’s bad, so everyone must parrot? And why the “she’s ugly” comments? Shameful personal attacks, and closed-minded “musical purist” attitudes.

    The singing is actually quite good. It’s a song being covered by pop artists. So the vocals and the instrumental backing both sound poppy. What did you expect? Is it not okay for different interpretations of a song to exist? Did anyone follow that link to the minor-key Christmas Carols in PZ’s post above?

    I think it was pulled off well. These are entertainers. As long as the fans like it, and the performers are satisfied with the quality of the performance, then all is well.

  32. brightmoon says


    good description ….that said, im not a celine hater …so i watched ..[shrugs]

    well they arent ac/dc or james brown (sigh)…. we’ll miss you james

  33. Azkyroth says

    Edmund: some of the comments make me suspect there’s a bit of sycophancy to some of the responses here, but my own was motivated by the fact that this is an artist I’ve no particular fondness for who sings in a genre for which I have very literal tolerance, covering a song by an artist I’ve no particular fondness for who sings in a genre of which (loosely interpreted) I am extremely fond (my personal perception is that AC/DC, whatever role they may have played in pioneering what later became Hard Rock/Metal, are basically the lowest common denominator of metal…lyrically vapid and musically simplistic).

  34. J. J. Ramsey says

    Brian X: “Not the worst thing I’ve ever heard… spectacularly misguided, but not that badly done at all.”

    I don’t think the singing or the music was a real problem. It’s just that Celine Dion is coming off as a bad imitator of AC/DC, right down to the air guitar thing. The presentation is off, and it just feels a bit plastic, a bit insincere.

  35. Caledonian says

    J.J. Ramsey’s criticism of anyone else’s performance as “a bit plastic, a bit insincere” strikes me as utterly hilarious.

  36. J. J. Ramsey says

    Caledonian: “J.J. Ramsey’s criticism of anyone else’s performance as ‘a bit plastic, a bit insincere’ strikes me as utterly hilarious.”

    If you want to gloat about a recent gross stupidity of mine, there’s another thread where you can do it. Bear in mind that it was noticed because I had been less careless elsewhere.

    Now if you want to have a little fun at Celine Dion’s expense, well … :)

  37. MpM says

    Edmund… I am not following anyone… just like I don’t get the “Rapture”, you don’t see the evil that has been done here.
    Oh FSM… don’t let her do Hendrix…