And you thought Jesse Ventura was wild

An exploding aardvark whispered in my ear that we have a new candidate for governor here in Minnesota: Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey.

Honesty is very seldom heard nowadays, especially from a politician. So, I am not going to break from political tradition. My name is Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, Ph.D., L.D.D.D. I am a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch. My Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares.

The first two sentences taken together are a little amusing, but I’m sill not planning to vote for the guy. He’s a former Republican (surprise!), but has now founded his own party, VWP. The Vampires, Witches, and Pagans Party.

Are you wondering how he got his nickname?

As previously stated by me, any Terrorist who commits
an act of Terrorism in Minnesota while I am governor,
will be Impaled by me in front of the State Capital.

He’s also planning to run for president in 2008. I could see him stepping into GW Bush’s shoes easily. The Religious Right might not care much for him, but otherwise, he’s the perfect representative of Republican sentiments.

Hit him where it hurts

Pat Robertson’s remarks about Sharon—once again blaming human suffering on divine retribution—have put a crimp in his pocketbook. He’s been leading a consortium to open a Christian theme park in Israel, and finally the Israelis have noticed that Robertson is a tasteless bigot and dishonest con-man. A spokesman for the tourism minister says he’s out now.

Mr Hartuv left the door open to continuing the project but only with evangelists who disown Mr Robertson’s statements.

“The contract is still open – just not with Mr Robertson. If there are other Christian leaders, they are most welcome to sign a contract to bring Christian tourists to the State of Israel.

“We want to see who in the group supports his (Robertson’s) statements. Those who support the statements cannot do business with us. Those that publicly support Ariel Sharon’s recovery are welcome to do business with us. We have to check this very, very carefully.”

That’s a mistake. These people are professional hucksters—they shouldn’t trust any of them. And seriously—putting up a food court at the site of the purported miracle of the loaves and fishes? Isn’t that just a little bit tacky?

(via Julia)