Indiana Jones open thread

You all know how the Indiana Jones movies are written, don’t you? Let me recreate for you the day Steven Spielberg sat down with his head writer to put together the outline of what would be the fourth installment in the franchise.

Spielberg: Guys, here it is: the secret formula for a successful Indiana Jones movie. [Spielberg waves a tattered 3×5 index card around] Take this, and let’s get to work.

Writer: Steve…this is just a scribbled sentence with some blanks.

Spielberg: Right. Haven’t you ever played Mad Libs?

Writer: OK, but don’t you kind of have this memorized? Why go through the motions?

Spielberg: I’ve forgotten everything on that card, so don’t worry, it’ll be new and fresh. Hollywood does this to you after a while—first it sucks the creativity out of you, then the memory goes, and you become a creature of short-term instinct. Go ahead, ask me questions to fill in the blanks, and we’ll get this picture started!

Writer: Umm, name a “villainous group”.

Spielberg: Easy. Naz…no, wait. I think we did that one. Let’s see, uh, Communists. Yeah, we’re already thinking out of the box!

Writer: Good one, sir. It reminds me of the second Indy movie, when you made the bad guys a mostly forgotten and entirely neglected Indian religious cult. That one surprised everyone with its freshness.

Spielberg: Right! We’re on a roll! Next!

Writer: Name a “famous historical artifact”.

Spielberg: This is always the hard part for a shark-like mind with no long term memory. Hmmmm. OK, Crystal skull.

Writer: “Crystal skull”? What’s that? I’ve never heard of it.

Spielberg: I think I saw something about it on late night cable. It sounds cool, anyway, and it’ll look eerie on film.

Writer: But it does say “famous historical artifact” here…

Spielberg: I‘ve heard of it, so it must be famous. Besides, I bet you never heard of sankara stones before, either, and we made them famous. Now everyone talks about them.

Writer: Oh, right. That second movie again. We really are treading in the footsteps of greatness, this movie is going to be fabulous. OK, last one: name a “dangerous power”.

Spielberg: Yeah, let me think. This is getting hard, I’m just about burnt out here. Are you getting hungry? No? I think I need a little nosh, let me call out for something.

Spielberg [to his office intercom]: Carol, get me a quick bite. An arugala salad, I think. Yeah, that’s what I said. Write it down. You heard me, write it down, an arugala [writer starts scribbling]. Thanks.

Spielberg: Now where were we?

Writer: We’re done! It’s going to be a blockbuster!

Spielberg: Read it back to me.

Writer: “Indiana Jones must race evil COMMUNISTS to acquire the fabulous CRYSTAL SKULL before they can use its power of ARUGALA to rule the world!”

Spielberg: Wow. We have outdone ourselves. I want to see this movie already.

Writer: We’ll be packing ’em in. I’ll just plug in some of the usual plot devices and flesh it out in the script a little bit.

Spielberg: Yeah. But you know, that last bit might be a little…weak…

Writer: Now that you mention it…

[Spielberg and Writer stare at 3×5 card for several seconds, brows knit in thought.]

Spielberg: Aww, screw it. Don’t worry about what the crystal skull does, or why anyone would want it. We’ll just go with the flow.

Writer: Second movie?

Spielberg: You got it. We made that whole damn thing, concocted an all powerful religious cult using thousands of child slaves, all in order to acquire magic rocks that had the power to set leather handbags on fire. And nobody cared! Any MacGuffin will do if you’ve got Harrison Ford.

Writer: Right. I’ll get you 200 pages by, say, tomorrow noon?

Spielberg: Great. Oh, and remember to stick in a couple of scenes with insects crawling all over people. And show Indy with some human weakness with a snake scene. And, oh yeah, that face-melty thing in the first movie was really popular — could we have someone’s eyeballs burst into flame?

Writer: Love it, boss.

I think you can guess…I was a little disappointed. Ford was great, I think he’s become a real icon of the swashbuckling hero genre, and I enjoyed his performance. The movie kept things moving with lots of action, but ultimately, it was the writing or the lack thereof that crippled the movie. There was no point to all the frenzied scurrying, and the ending was a mess, a great big gooey splort of special effects with no relationship to anything else that preceded it.

All right, everyone else who saw it can have at it in the comments. Be warned, everyone: spoilers may emerge herein. Click through only if you are prepared to be disillusioned, if you aren’t already.

It’s going to be 22 May in a few hours

And you all know what that means…the premiere of the new Indiana Jones movie. It’s opening here in Morris at 12:01 am, and Skatje and I will be there…and since it is Morris, the line will be negligible, and we’ll get the best seats in the house, and we’ll have a grand time.

I’ve been looking forward to this one for a while. It’s so reassuring to know that even an old geezer can be an action hero.

Who else is mobbing the theater tonight?

An Iron Man open thread

By now, many of you have probably seen the latest super-hero summer blockbuster, so the time is right for opening up a discussion.

I thought it was excellent and loads of fun, although the irony did not escape me that it was about a conscienceless weapons merchant who has an epiphany about the tragic consequences of his industry, and decides to end his contribution to the bloodshed…so he goes home to build a new, super-powerful personal weapons system that allows him to beat up bad guys. Whatever you do, don’t think deeply about this movie! It’s just some good acting, excellent special effects, and a fast-paced series of events wrapped around an unbelievable fantasy premise.

Anyway, beware: I’m not saying anything that isn’t well-known here, but our amoral godless commenters might reveal a few spoilers.

Indulgences

I’ve been neglecting my prayers today — I’ve got all this writing to get done, and I chose to actually sit before my keyboard and move my hands and think with my brain, rather than calling upon the Lord to do my work for me. I’ve actually gotten a fair amount done.

Now comes the part where one might expect some heavenly reward for one’s pious industry, but I don’t believe in that, either. I’m going to have to do something myself … so here I come, Iron Man! We have a late night premiere showing of a first run movie in Morris, so of course I have to go.

It looks like a darned good action movie, too. Popcorn and some good clean late night fun sound like a better event than some po-faced piety at a local church, don’t you think?

Who made the “Beware the Believers” video?

We have a confession! It was made by Michael Edmondson, and it was produced by the people behind Expelled. He wrote to me, and says, “The intent of the video has been questioned a lot…I suppose the answer is that I tried to make something that was funny to me and It’s not really meant to convince anyone of anything.” That’s how I felt about it: it’s amusing, and that’s all that matters — it’s vague enough that it can be read any way you want.

Edmondson has also made a brief sequel.

Note that Stein is wearing a t-shirt that says “Poe’s Law”.

Local reminder!

I mentioned some of the good stuff in Morris this weekend, and some are imminent: at 3:00, it’s Vincent Price in Theatre of Blood at the Morris Theatre; then at 8:00, it’s the Auditorium of Creationist Blather, as Angus Menuge argues with me about whether neuroscience leaves room for god (answer: no. Hey, that was quick!). You Twin Cities residents can still make the movie if you leave right now — we’re about 3 hours away.

Or you could rent the video and watch it at home, and apparently the debate will be recorded, so you’ll be able to watch it on the interwebs later on.

Things to do with your weekend

Plan ahead! It’s going to be a fun weekend!

This Thursday, 17 April, get a head start on the weekend with Virtually Speaking on Second Life. I’m being interviewed at 6pm Pacific Time, and this could be spectacularly entertaining: I’m a total newbie at SL, so I’m going to be getting lessons in how to sit down this afternoon, which tells you that there will be opportunities for major klutzy gaffes at this event. I’m afraid I might turn into a giant flying penis sometime mid-interview.

Friday evening at 7:30 pm, we have the UMM Dance Ensemble performance in Edson Auditorium here on campus. Some of my students are performing, so come on by and support interdisciplinary, liberal arts education by cheering on dancing biologists!

There is a major movie premiere this weekend: Zombie Strippers, starring the renowned thespian, Jenna Jameson. Unfortunately, it’s not playing in Morris, and it does look like the very best movie opening this weekend, so I’m afraid this is probably the weekend to skip going to the theaters.

With one special exception! The Morris Theatre, in a special showing, has engaged a one-time 3:00 Saturday matinee showing of the horror classic, Theatre of Blood, starring Vincent Price and Diana Rigg. Come on, people! Classic 70s horror with a master of the genre shown in an actual old-time single screen movie theater? How can you miss this? There’s also going to be a post-movie discussion of Shakespearian themes in the film afterwards, at the Common Cup Coffeehouse. I’m going to be there — it’ll warm me up for the next event of the evening.

At 8:00 Saturday, in the Science Auditorium on campus, I’m debating Angus Menuge on “Does neuroscience leave room for God”. It may be a bit of a let down after Theatre of Blood — there will probably be no beheadings, sword fights, or eviscerations — but we could have a feisty argument.

I know, Morris is a long ways from everything, but it’s going to be the happening place on the whole planet for a few days. If anyone feels like making the long trip out, send me email, and I can give you directions.

Optical Allusions

Jay Hosler has a new book out, Optical Allusions(amzn/b&n/abe/pwll). If you’re familiar with his other books, Clan Apis(amzn/b&n/abe/pwll) and The Sandwalk Adventures(amzn/b&n/abe/pwll), you know what to expect: a comic book that takes its science seriously. Hosler has a fabulous knack for building serious content into a light and humorous medium, just the kind of approach we need to get wider distribution of science into the culture.

This one has a strange premise. Wrinkles the Wonder Brain is an animated, naked brain working for the Graeae Sisters, and he loses the one eye they share between them — so he has to go on a quest to recover it. I know, it sounds like a stretch, but it works in a weird sort of way, and once you start rolling with it, you’ll find it works. Using that scenario to frame a series of encounters, Wrinkles meets Charles Darwin and learns how evolution could produce something as complex as an eye; talks about the sub-optimal design of retinal circuitry with a cow superhero; discovers sexual dimorphism with a crew of stalk-eyed pirates; learns about development of the eye from cavefish and a cyclops; chats with Mr Sun about the physics of radiation; there are even zombie G proteins and were-opsins in a lesson about shape changing. This stuff is seriously weird, and kids ought to eat it up.

It isn’t all comic art, either. Each chapter is interleaved with a text section discussing the details — you can read the whole thing through, skipping the text (like I did…), and then go back and get more depth and directions for future reading in the science. This is a truly seditious strategy. Suck ’em in with the entertainment value, and then hand ’em enough substance that they might just start thinking like scientists.

It’s all good stuff, too. A colleague and I have been considering offering an interdisciplinary honors course in physics and biology with the theme of the eye, specifically for non-science majors, and this book has me thinking it might make for a good text. It’ll grab the English and art majors, and provide a gateway for some serious discussions that will satisfy us science geeks. I recommend it for you, too — if you have kids, you should grab all of Hosler’s books. Even if you don’t have kids, you’ll learn a lot.

Jay Hosler also explains the intent of the project, and you can read an excerpt.