Try the God Simulator. Hint: if you always pick the least logical, most insane action, you’ll get a pretty good simulacrum of Christianity.
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
Try the God Simulator. Hint: if you always pick the least logical, most insane action, you’ll get a pretty good simulacrum of Christianity.
Every once in a while, a reader sends me a link to something I’ve already dealt with (and that’s OK, I don’t expect everyone to have committed the entirety of the Pharyngula database to memory), but it’s a link to something so dang weird it’s worth reposting. In this case, I was sent a link to a page that purports to describe the beliefs of some Jehovah’s Witnesses about cats, where among many other jaw-dropping arguments, it gives us this jewel:
Indeed, modern studies of classification of cats, while not necessarily being reliable as they may be based on the discredited ‘theory’ of evolution, strongly associate felines with serpents (despite some external differences in physiology and morphology, which confuse those who do not study these matters deeply).
The consensus of the previous discussion was that the site is probably a satire, although it hews so close to the insanity of the actual religion that it’s hard to tell. It’s still funny either way, though. It’s also a good excuse to quote one of my favorite fantasy authors, Tanith Lee.
Clearly, the Hemelshots have a much more sophisticated relationship than we have. We’re flying the pirate flag outside of our house, but every time we try to move on to the full pirate phase, we run aground on the fact that she thinks she should be the Cap’n, and then there are the swordfights on the stairs and walking the plank and black spots and mutinous crew, and then Skatje stabs us both in the back and declares herself captain. The pirate lifestyle is not a mellow, casual one that encourages cooperation.
Australian comedy may be a risky business — didn’t they give us both Yahoo Serious and Barry Humphries?1 — but in case you want to chance it, I’ve been informed by Ben McKenzie, The Man in the Lab Coat, that he’ll be doing a comedy lecture show about science this April.
Here’s a cool thing: he has offered me comp tickets for the opening week. Since nobody is standing up to offer me comp flight tickets to Australia, or comp teaching stand-in to cover my classes while I’m away, he has said I can pass them on to any interested readers who might be willing to travel to Melbourne (surely there can’t be any readers who actually live anywhere near Melbourne, can there?). I’ll give them away2 to anyone willing to take them who will also send me a summary of the event — just sing out in the comments.
If you want to know more first, here’s the description and listing for the show.
1I know, an American has no right to mock, since we gave the world both Carrot-Top and Pauly Shore.
2The first Pharyngula Give-Away with Prizes! I should have invented a better contest.
So, in the last election, we Minnesotans briefly enjoyed the company of a vampire running for governor. Unfortunately, Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey was arrested before the election and we missed out on the potentially amusing spectacle.
Somehow, though, he is now free (damn those cunning vampires!), and is planning to run for president. As a most interesting and admittedly tempting part of his campaign platform, he is promising to impale GW Bush if elected.
He’s crazy, I wouldn’t have given him a chance, but dang if he didn’t come up with a vote-getting idea. They’re cunning, those vampires, they’ve had centuries to think up these plans. If he tossed Cheney in as a bonus, he might just sweep the election.
Ken Ham and Kent Hovind and their ilk have been trying to appropriate dinosaurs for creationism, so help them out and go along with it. Help yourself to these examples of biblical paleontology.
Remember, you don’t need to actually know anything to do biblical paleontology—just make it up as you go along. Your only tools are your imagination and photoshop.
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