I thought the cacophony was bad…

My cell biology class is held from 1-2:05pm. Today was the monthly test of the tornado warning system, so we got sirens for the start of the hour, and then 20 minutes later everyone’s cell phones started ringing for the big national emergency alarm test. Fun. But we recovered quickly.

Except now I apparently have to worry about the long-term effects.

I thought it was just my lectures that turned students into zombies! If they start snarling and moaning about “braaaains,” I’ll let you all know.


  1. drickard says

    You might end up with some vegan zombies, who’ll all be moaning “Graaaains..”

  2. hemidactylus says

    Hemi got XBB shot. Hemi got FEMA message. Hemi eat people now yum yum. Genetic mutant mRNA supersoldier zombie apocalypse. Wait is that Rick Grimes. Why is he pointing aaaaaaa

  3. hemidactylus says

    One could hope the MAGAts stow all their networked tech away where they can’t access it for a super long time. Might be the cure for the Trump brainworm we were hoping for. Suddenly the GOP collapses from sudden disinterest in batshit “theories”.

  4. drsteve says

    Has anyone made a monster movie about zombies vs mutant spiders? It’s long past time!

  5. wzrd1 says

    The lag on my 5G phone is horrible, got the alert, but the lag seems to have still delayed the activation signal.
    Or maybe the virus antennae are defective, given the difficulty for something 795 to 828 nm to receive a millimeter wave signal…
    Or maybe my transtator is being overloaded by my chambers coil, altering the polarity of the neutron beam.

  6. says

    This isn’t even the first time they’ve tested this exact system. Remember that time a few years ago when Donald Trump wanted to send a message to every cellphone in the country? Same system, None of this 5G bullshit, I just didn’t want a special message from TFG. Still popped up after I turned my phone back on again. Asshole.

  7. says

    The idea that zombies run around yelling “BRAAAAAIIIIINNNNNS!” and trying to bite into skulls merely shows everyone’s ignorance.
    Had you all done your research, you would know that fast-moving, brain-eating zombies are a figment of the movie makers’ imaginations. Real zombies move slowly and will eat any flesh, and any sort of bite will result in the zombification of the victim. That’s just science.
    As for the alert, my phone never made a peep. I don’t know if it’s 4G or if it’s because I don’t have it connected to WiFi, but I delayed my nap yesterday expecting a disruption that never came. So, as far as I’m concerned, the test was a complete and utter failure.
    Heckuva job, Brownie.

  8. wzrd1 says

    There was another nationwide test, back in 2018 or 2019. The Presidential Alert dates back to 2018 and could be opted out of, that was removed for this test (the opt out of the test).

    There was an interesting objection to this year’s test, those with secret phones, such as victims of abuse, weren’t able to keep the alert silenced and FEMA ever so considerately advised simply turning off their secret phone for the test.

    Well, the world didn’t end with this test, so at least my weekend plans didn’t get fucked up, unlike all of the other times that the world ended. Or something.

    As for zombies, well, obviously those exist, how else can one explain Trump’s continuing in politics?
    Well, that or further evidence against intelligent life being found on earth.

  9. Ridana says

    I survived. I don’t have a cell phone. I guess if it weren’t a test though, I’d die in whatever apocalypse was bearing down on us. Oh well.

  10. says

    There was a legit concern about this: any DV victims who were hiding a phone could have it discovered by their abuser during this test. I switched my phone off before the test because I was at work and there was an outside chance I needed to keep quiet for whatever reason. (I work retail. There is always a chance of a mass shooting and I wouldn’t want to be found if hiding.)

  11. robro says

    I thought the reason I was mumbling, slurring my words, chewing my tongue and unable eat was because the dentist numbed both sides of my mouth not because I heard the test…it was more a siren or long beep than a ring…and now I’m a zombie with no human brains or other flesh in the freezer. I’m glad I didn’t go for a walk in the old Catholic cemetery near us. Even as a zombie it would have been creepy seeing “Rachael — Died 1894 — Age: 7 Weeks” crawling around the grounds looking for a refreshing snack.

  12. Jazzlet says

    robro @17
    i hope that whatever dental work you had done doesn’t hurt too much when the novacain wears off.

    Being in the UK we were zombified months age, just as well or I’d be frothing at the mouth over the Tories cancelling HS2 , and not allocating all of the saved money to do all of the rail projects in the north that were promised and then cancelled, instead of which they’re spending a lot of it on fixing potholes. Most of which are only there in the first place because of their persistent underfunding of LTAs. As it is I’m just frothing at the mouth because I haven’t found any brains to eat recently.

  13. wzrd1 says

    Oh, found the previous dates that the government destroyed the world, erm, tested the EAS.
    Previous nationwide EAS tests were conducted in 2011, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019.
    I guess the government needs better saucers, as at least the Shadows death cloud worked.
    Or something.

  14. Robert Webster says

    I doubt it. However, my favorite a cappella group DOES have a song about Zombies vs. Hill Billies.

  15. outis says

    Urrrm, here in Germany we had this kind of test twice already.
    It provided some entertainment, as no one could believe our oh-so-smart phones could screech like that. Plus, all the devices left all alone in offices with their master away were able to set up a fine collective wailing all over the building.
    But apart from that, no zombises, unless we are already mutated and don’t know it of course.
    I’ll report about any brain cravings…

  16. yaque says

    We had something like that lately.
    We were vacationing in Florence (Italy) a couple of weeks ago. Up comes this generic warning thing on everybody’s phone a week or so after a small earthquake in … Florence.
    brrrr ….