An afternoon of irrelevant objections and silly answers

Answers in Genesis is posting a video tomorrow which they claim will answer all the objections us horrible people have to the Noah’s Ark story. They’ve even provided a playlist ahead of time!

0:00 – Intro
0:07 – How did Noah fit all the animals on the ark?
0:42 – How big was the ark?
1:36 – How many animals were on the ark?
6:19 – How many people built the ark?
7:16 – Was it just a local flood?
9:18 – Wasn’t the ark box-shaped?
10:32 – What is gopher wood?
11:20 – How long did it take to build?
12:26 – How did Noah find the animals?
12:57 – Wasn’t the ark pretty small?
13:42 – Wouldn’t a wooden ship this huge break and sink?
14:28 – Wasn’t the ark copied from ancient myths?
15:34 – Was there no rain before the flood?
16:04 – Were there no rainbows before the flood?
16:37 – Was Noah an amateur?
16:58 – Did the flood last 40 days and 40 nights?
17:10 – Was Noah mocked while preaching?
17:42 – Who was Noah’s wife?
18:36 – Who was Noah?
19:58 – Why does the ark matter?

Those really aren’t the top 20 objections. None of those are the big objections I have — like, how is it there’s no evidence of your global flood? How do you account for the current genetic diversity if we’re all descended from 8 people 4000 years ago? How did the kiwis get to New Zealand from the Middle East? Etc., etc., etc. — and giving me imagined details from the imaginary life of an imaginary character doesn’t address any of that.

But OK, I’ll watch it to laugh at it, and then on Saturday afternoon Dan Phelps and I will get together in a live stream to dismantle their pathetic and irrelevant answers. It should be fun! And easy!

Be there to laugh at the stupidity, and cry at the fact those bozos are raking in the cash.


  1. indianajones says

    ‘Dan Phelps and I will get together in a live stream to dismantle their pathetic and irrelevant answers.’

    Why? I mean there is a certain amount of value to addressing someone utterly naive but open minded sure. But does that person even exist to any meaningful degree? Is it worth the risk and known downsides to giving these people oxygen? What do you hope to add to the conversation here?

    I am willing to be convinced otherwise but I don’t see how this can go well.

  2. consciousness razor says

    How did Noah fit all the animals on the ark?

    Very carefully…. One inside the other, inside the next, etc., like those Russian nesting dolls.

    How big was the ark?


    How many people built the ark?

    Also, before Palpatine ordered them to launch all those Star Destroyers from beneath the surface of Exegol, why were they just sitting there for a few decades? That’s about 1,000 capital ships with incredible planet-killing first-strike capabilities and somewhere around 300,000 crew and 70,000 TIE fighters, which they just left under the ground somewhere in the Unknown Regions … to do what exactly? Did they at least spend some of that time on target practice?

    How many animals were on the ark?

    Also, just out of curiosity, how many fungi were on the ark? And did they need to pick up a couple of giant sequoias as well?

    Wasn’t the ark pretty small?

    Good thing they already (expertly) fielded the questions about how big it is and how all the animals fit on it. This last attempt should be a piece of cake.

    Was Noah an amateur?

    He was clearly in the pocket of Big Boat. (By the way, did we mention that it was big and not small?)

    Did the flood last 40 days and 40 nights?

    Also, if the gods made the whole world in less than a week, I wonder why it took them so long to flood it and do that whole genocide thing, which for sure is not morally problematic at all. Is that because of cosmic expansion, I guess?

  3. consciousness razor says

    somewhere around 300,000 crew

    Sorry, that should say 30,000,000. My mistake.

  4. heffe7 says

    Noahs Ark… Abrahamic Religions…
    Fabrications created by bronze age men, thousands of years ago, to assert control over the population. Even my teenage kids don’t believe this crap. (And I gave them the freedom to believe what they want)
    Ken Ham and his crew are a joke!

  5. divineconspiracy667 says

    (And I gave them the freedom to believe what they want)

    Well there’s your problem right there. How are they supposed to believe the right thing if you don’t forcibly indoctrinate them? You’re just asking for them to go straight to hell!

  6. birgerjohansson says

    The muslim derivatives of Jewish and Christian myths are even worse. And since Mr. Muhammed expicitly banned any allegorical interpretations they are stuck with the sun setting in a warm spring/muddy spring.
    And Noah’s ark. And with Pharaoh (!) building the tower of Babel.
    One of the post-muhammed islamic scribes even made a story of Noah’s ark making a detour to the place over the
    Kaaba (Noah must have used GPS since the place was underwater) and circled it.
    You know, if the muslims in muslim-majority countries did not frequently lynch and otherwise murder apostates we atheists would be recruiting ex-muslims by the millions.
    NB it is not the individual muslims I mind, it is their imams who keep lying to them what their ancient arab-language books say.

  7. says

    Why does the ark matter?

    This is the one question that really needs to be answered. And given what it says about their God’s temperament and methods, the answer is not likely to be pleasant.

  8. rorschach says

    Oh, get over it, the Ark story is from the Old Testament, and everyone knows god wasn’t serious in the OT, you know, his inerrant message to the believers, just kidding, read the new version, it’s all in there, we were just being a bit silly in the old one.

  9. says

    rorschach: That’s pretty much what apologists like Dave Armstrong have said, in all seriousness, whenever anyone asks them a question about the whole flood story that they can’t answer. I remember Dave going VERY quickly from “HAHAHAHA you stupid meanie atheists, see how easily I brush off your pathetic attempts to disprove the Flood story!” to “Oh well, you’re not required to believe the Flood story!”

  10. tedw says

    “ And did they need to pick up a couple of giant sequoias as well?”
    You know, that’s something I never thought of (I haven’t felt the need to think about this myth too deeply). What did happen to all the plants? 150 or more days underwater can’t be good for them. I should know, I’ve killed plenty of plants myself.

  11. whheydt says

    He also needs to explain how come there are bristlecone pines that are older than the time to the proposed flood if “all the Earth was covered”.

  12. birgerjohansson says

    The first British megaliths predate his creation.
    The Göbleki Tepe site in Anatolia was built 5500 years before creation.
    As for the bristlecone pine trees, they handled being submerged in Noah’s flood a minimum of 40 days really well. I have not heard of any other pines that can do that.
    Maybe the kangaroos built boats from the surviving trees and sailed from the mountains of Ararat to Australia.
    The 2 million species of beetles must have stayed airborne for more than a month to survive.

  13. birgerjohansson says

    I recommend the book “The Flood before Noah” for a summary of the Mesopotamian flood myths and how they made the transition to Jewish mythology during the captivity in Babylon.

  14. Ed Peters says

    I imagine the bible crowd would say something absurd but impossible to disprove, like, kiwis were carried to NZ by the Mauri. They don’t have high standards. So I would ask how iguana got to the Galápagos. Never mind. They’d probably say they had a ride-share arrangement with the Mauri.

  15. says

    I love the real way kiwis, moas, and ostriches got around – a flighted tinamou-like ancestor spread over the world and convergently evolved flightlessness in multiple places. It helps one imagine the world they lived in, the way all these weird creatures are connected. Or god did it and everything is absurd bullshit, whatever.

  16. birgerjohansson says

    In Family Guy, they demonstrated creationism with Jeannie (The genie in I dream of Jeannie) going “boiing” and creating stuff out of thin air.
    The teachers should just show that clip over and over again.

  17. Russell says


    The raiders of the lost ark never found it because Spielberg’s production accounted nixed buying Howard Hughes spook submarine raising ship to haul the 400 cubit hulk off the bottom of the Black Sea, where it’s been sitting for 400 begats since the Med cut through the Bosphorus, and the unseaworthy tub went glug glug as Mesopotamia parted company from Ukraine

    Maybe Putin will give it a try

  18. rorschach says

    I recommend the book “The Flood before Noah”

    KG reminded me the other day of the book “Noah’s flood” by Ryan and Pitman, I find it as plausible as any other attempt to explain the flood myth that is circulating around the Mediterranean countries. Ark encounter parks in the US don’t count.