This satirical piece in IHE totally misses my university. Totally! Look at all the differences.
We are a predominantly white, elitist and ableist liberal arts institution located on stolen Native American land in a small but beautiful rural area in Wokeland, N.Y. [We’re in Trump Country, MN! Everything up to that point was accurate.] The campus is surrounded by hazelnut trees, peach orchards, [Nope! Corn and soybeans.] German bakeries, French cuisine [We wish.] and statues of tall white cisgender wealthy men (several of whom were slaveholders) [Wrong again. No fancy statues anywhere.] whose ill-gotten monies have helped uphold our elitism [No monies, ill-gotten or otherwise. We’re a state college. We get by on scraps from a penny-pinching legislature] . We will be hiring a dynamic faculty for a tenure-track position in Liberal Studies.
We are legally required to say we are open to diversity, so we encourage people of color to apply [We do! We always do] so we can ultimately hire a white cisgender male candidate [It’s funny how often that happens] who (coincidentally!) had the same Ph.D. adviser as our department chair [That doesn’t happen here, but oddly, we do tend to favor candidates with a history of living in Minnesota, because they’ll “fit in”, which means our demographics don’t shift much] . We are especially interested in candidates willing to participate in various activities related to our collegewide symposium on “What is all this fuss about race, gender and white privilege?” generously funded by benevolent right-wing billionaires with no interest in politics. [We’re exempt again, but only because the right-wing billionaires haven’t noticed us]
Also, I should have noted that we’re hiring a tenure track ecologist, not a Liberal Studies professor. But don’t worry! We mean well!