Al Vernacchio is a high school sex ed teacher. He takes the interesting approach of frankly discussing pornography in the classroom…not in a prudish, condemning way, either, but honestly discussing how it’s unrealistic and that real sex is not the predictable mechanical process that you’ll find in internet videos.
…studies have shown that kids are often first exposed to porn — some of it depicting violent or criminal behavior — in their early teens. And analysis has correlated pornography usage with sexual aggression, increased casual sex, and stronger gender-stereotypical sexual beliefs. When I ask Vernacchio what he thinks kids are taking away from porn, he doesn’t miss a beat.
“They learn that men are supposed to be sexually aggressive,” says Vernacchio, who’s known for his TED Talks on sex education and has become a go-to source for the New York Times. “They learn that women are objects. They learn that in the absence of consent, you don’t need a clear ‘yes.’ They learn that sex doesn’t require communication. They learn that you’re supposed to know what to do — like this knowledge gets preloaded into you, and if you don’t know, there’s something wrong with you.”
But that’s not what’s strange and exotic about this guy — he’s just speaking common sense (or what ought to be common sense). This is the bit that convinced me he’s living on an alien planet:
In 20 years at Friends’ Central, Vernacchio has become well known and highly regarded at the progressive, creative-minded private school. Laurie Novo, who’s worked at Friends’ Central (including as co-principal) for 25 years, says she’s never heard a single parent complain about Vernacchio’s classes. In fact, they’re so wildly popular — especially the 11th- and 12th-grade “Sexuality and Society” curriculum — that the school once had to hold a lottery for seats. Casey Cipriani, a 2001 graduate who took the course’s first iteration, says she recalls other students — and even her own mother — asking to read her homework.
Not a single complaint…unbelievable.
Meanwhile, here in Stevens County, Minnesota, United States of America, Planet Earth, our students once elected a gay man to be prom queen, and the community rose up in indignant outrage. Our theater department put on a children’s play that was all about tolerance and diversity, and most of the local schools boycotted it. I’m pretty sure if one of our high school teachers had a talk about the conventions of porn videos and mentioned a few porn sites (that the students already know about, but the parents like to pretend they’re ignorant), I’d be able to witness a lynching.
Well, it’s a Quaker school. It’s in what’s called the Main Line area of the Philadelphia suburbs, near Haverford and Bryn Mawr colleges. He’d probably have problems if he tried this in a public school, even there.
Hi, smug European here: Sex Education in the Netherlands.
makes sense to use the commonality of porn to highlight that it depicts sexual congress (euphemism) unrealistically and abusively. Similar to showing how NOT to interact people initially,
My suggestion and experience:
– Approach one platonicly at first, then let the physical intimacy develop at its own pace without urgency.
– many will drift away, the ones who remain are worth it.
–
back to OP:
I’m *shocked* such a teacher exists and is allowed to continue unopposed, given the puritanical nature that seems to be growing.
That is, until he starts getting such good press. The fundies will not be able to resist complaining that he is ruining the kids and come up with some bullshit excuse for why that is the case. Evidence means nothing to them.
I’d been aware of his TED talks but didn’t know he taught at Friends Central! We need more people like this. Of course, it’s a Friends school so this doesn’t surprise me as much as it would otherwise do (they tend to be significantly more progressive than the mainstream; I actually went to one not far from there, our sports teams played against theirs). Quaker schools are technically religious although (at least on the East Coast, I’ve been told it’s different elsewhere) it tends to be approached in a surprisingly secular fashion, more values and ethics than religion. I think any parent sending their child to a Quaker school would know what they’re getting, so a lack of complaints doesn’t necessarily surprise me.
Somewhat related, there was a (pretty good) article in the NYT a few months ago about the effects of teenagers getting their sex education from porn, and some other efforts to counteract it:
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/07/magazine/teenagers-learning-online-porn-literacy-sex-education.html
I’ve taught sex ed in Germany. What I found worked pretty well when discussing porn was to use car chases in Bond movies as a metaphor. They’re fun to watch but don#t have anything in common with driving a car. Same is true for porn.
They were 6th graders and we didn’t need to discuss specifics (even though it was pretty clear that some of the boys had already watched porn), but we talked about the difference between fiction and real life.
Most of the news I’ve heard from Philadelphia Yearly Meeting recently has been… less progressive than this. It’s nice to have this to balance that out :)
@Giliell:
This is excellent. I’m going to remember this one.
Why is he able to do this?
From their web site:
Tuition 2018-2019
Grades 9-12: $37,000
Grades 6-8: $33,000
Grades 4-5: $28,800
Grades 2-3: $27,900
Grade 1: $24,850
Kindergarten: $24,850
Pre-Kindergarten: $19,650
Nursery: $19,650
Amazingly, since we’re always told that Throwing money at education never works, high end $$$ private schools seem to be so much better.
This is a school by and for privileged scions of the 0.01%.
There’s a huge diversity of porn out there, so I find it odd that people blithely talk about what “porn” is like. Sure there’s lots of awful porn, but why watch that stuff? Hey, if you’re watching unrealistic porn, or harmful porn, or stupid porn – then you’re doing it wrong. How about a class showing kids how to find beautiful porn and loving porn?
(that the students already know about, but the parents like to pretend they’re ignorant)
Reminds me of when my son was in high school ROTC. Since I subbed at the school, I knew that the ROTC was famous for their keg parties. I told my son that he could go, but to never drive or ride with anyone who was drinking. I told him to spend the night, but to give me a call. We got a few 2 am drunk calls, but he always stayed safe. (Other than some teasing by his sisters!)
I could barely contain my laughter when the mother of the boy who was the commanding officer swore to me that her son had never touched alcohol. I had seen her boy a bit drunk when he hosted a keg party when the parents were out of town!
Too many parents are in denial about their precious little snowflakes.
Also, I supervised when my grandson took the Texas health class online one summer when he was in high school.
When he got to the chapter on sex ed, I read it and started shouting “They are lying to you!”. He was a bit startled, to say the least. I found some great sex ed pages from the UK aimed at teens and had him to read those after reading the garbage that Texas published. His response – “Grandma, they are lying to us!”.
I had to coach him to answer the test as Texas wanted, but to always remember what he had learned from the UK.
Kudos for educating youth on the unrealistic images in a lot of contemporary porn. But is Vernacchio anti-porn? I’ll wager that 50% on this thread masturbate to some form of erotic imagery and the other 50% are lying about it. And let’s get real. We’ve all done it since our youth. No where in the article does Vernacchio discuss the big elephant in the room. Kids are forever going to view some form of erotic images (even conjure them up in their imagination) and get off. I have very little doubt that Vernacchio jerks off to some form of porn. If Vernacchio said, “Hey gang, that behavior is OK but be mindful that sexual images like contact sports, violent films, video games, the current White House can depict toxic masculinity and misogyny. By all means, enjoy yourself. Enjoy your fantasies. But don’t let misogynist images dictate your real sex lives. Now let’s talk about healthy sexual relationships….” I wish the article reflected all that as Vernacchio’s MO.
Actually, it’s 90% to 10%.
What the fuck did I just read?
1. It’s always fun to watch people who are in general sympathetic to media criticism when it’s about, say, video games and sci fi movies completely lose it when you dare to criticise porn.
2. When 95% of something is harmful then it’s reasonable to criticise a medium.
3. “But why watch that stuff” is a bullshit position. It’s an individualistic approach to a social problem. It’s cool if you found beautiful porn and it’s cool if you share it with friends, but that will not change porn as a product of mass conumption.
4. A class on finding “beautiful porn”??? Seriously???
5. No, not everybody watches porn. I know, many more people watch porn than admit it, but it#s neither universal nor compulsory. As I said, make kids aware of how most porn is unrealistic and enable them to be critical consumers, but making them look for porn you deem “beautiful” is sexual abuse. End of story.
I used to live near King of Prussia, PA. Among things available on the early Internet was a site labeled “KOP” . Eager to discover anything in the King of Prussia situ I clicked on KOP . King of Porn, oops!
jack16
#13 and #14, not everyone watches porn. Not everyone masturbates. There’s plenty of people not performing any sexual activities at all, for a number of reasons. So let’s maybe not erase them, mkay?
And thanks to Gilliel for pointing out the first one already.
There are some good resources for sex education online. But they suffer from relative obscurity since they are often censored, behind age restriction walls, have trouble making money on platforms such as YouTube, etc.
Here’s one talking about the subject:
Giliell #15:
I don’t think JohnMoore’s suggestion deserves to be shot down so abruptly. There’s a good idea in there.
I could imagine a class for young people who are already porn consumers where they are tasked to find examples of porn that they themselves find beautiful (or otherwise interesting), and then discussing their choices with them. This as part of a broader sex education curriculum.
It would be difficult (or at least awkward) to do in most cultures (including European and American) because of all the shame, taboo and negativity that surrounds the subject. But I do not think it would constitute sexual abuse.
neptisSorry, you’re right.
Neptis,
Bravo to those who don’t view porn, masturbate or engage in any sexual activity. But you’re missing the point regarding the large population of individuals (including teens) who engage in those behaviors. And Vernacchio climbing on his moral high horse and stating “porn is harming our culture” will not change behavior. I’m not saying I have solutions for this issue among teens but repeating the “porn bad” mantra doesn’t work.
Here’s a thought for those who turn 18. Consider literature that allows youth to explore beyond the contemporary boundaries of sexual imagery. What about erotica? Feminist porn? Here’s an interesting book:
https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Girls-Guide-Porn/dp/157344247X
Sex positive feminists like Violet Blue, Tristan Taormino (also a porn producer), Dodson and Ross, etc.. have more nuanced views of porn and sex work and IMO would have more constructive solutions to teens viewing porn rather than “porn bad”.
The fundamentalists are just a good argument for why some people’s parents shouldn’t have had sex.
Me:
Ragdish:
Though I guess most people doing this don’t fall into the category of people who get chocked into unconsciousness without consent or safety measures or who suddenly have a dick rammed up their assholes and then back up their vaginas again without prior communication or change of condoms in between.
Olav
I could imagine a class for young people who are already porn consumers where they are tasked to find examples of porn that they themselves find beautiful (or otherwise interesting), and then discussing their choices with them. This as part of a broader sex education curriculum.
Oh yeah cool, I can totally imagine this. At what age specifically should this be part of the curriculum?
What was the last time you talked with young people in Europe?
I once had a sixth grader ask me, his teacher, if I had ever used condoms with different tastes. Last week a 9th grade girl answered the question “what is important to you in a partner” with “a big dick”.
But yes, there are kids who, for various reasons, be they personal, cultural, religious, their sexual orientation, are uncomfortable with discussing specifics. This is OK. You’re acting like there’s something that needs to be fixed about kids who are uncomfortable with this and this is a huge red flag when it comes to consent.
1. Porn is, in its very nature, adult rated, therefore watching it with kids or tasking kids under 18 to go looking for it is sexual abuse of children.
2. School is a restricted setting.
There is constant supervision. The peer pressure is high. There are grades, even if you specifically exclude that class. This means that kids will perform, especially the “good kids”. There is an absolute imbalance of power between the teacher and the students. The whole institution is based on that imbalance of power. This is absolutely not a setting in which there can be informed consent. First of all, kids under 18 cannot consent to this anyway*. And even kids over 18 cannot consent in this specific situation because of situation.
*This doesn’t mean that teens cannot have consensual sex. It means they cannot engage in a consensual sexual activity when the power balance is solidly tipped against them.
Giliell #23:
Not “should”, but “could”: about 15-16. But I wouldn’t want to be too normative about it.
Yesterday. Happens a few times every week.
I specifically said: “young people who are already porn consumers“. That already excludes the group you seem to be worried about. It includes the group that I am worried about. And yes, I bet they would be a bit uncomfortable. Not necessarily a bad thing. If they do watch porn, I think they should be able to form and express a thought or two about it.
That’s an illogical statement. Porn’s nature is what it is, but any sort of rating system is the result of the legal environment.
Doesn’t follow. And 18 is just an arbitrary number. Besides, remember, they are already watching that stuff at a earlier age even. I think we should “catch” them when they are still discovering, not when they have already seen hundreds of videos on PornHub et al and have their own erotic imaginations shaped by the examples that those sites have on offer.
Discussing their porn habits (even when using examples) is not the same as engaging in sexual activity.
I really wish we could do away with prudery in (sex) education. Young people are curious and have questions. It’s a shame that too often they can’t rely on the adults in their lives, their educators, to give them uncensored and sensible answers.
I agree with what you wrote in #15:
But as Ragdish explained in #21:
So if you just repeat to them “it’s unrealistic” or “it’s bad for you” they are going to wonder: “but then why is it so exciting?” They aren’t going to dare ask you that of course, since you have already shut the discussion down with your disapproval. Another question they probably won’t ask you is “now if most porn is so unrealistic and bad, then where can I go see what real, ethical, fun sex should be like?”
I wrote:
That should read: “can be like”.
Because of course there’s a lot of ways in which sex can be real, ethical and fun. Provided all parties involved are equally enthusiastic about it.
Olav
And of course you’re going to tell me your educationally sound method to separate those two groups…
Age of consent, shamge of consent.
It is arbitrary in the sense that it could be 17 years and 11 Months or 18 years and 124 days, but it’s not arbitrary in the sense that it could as well be 12.
I’m not sure you’re aware of that, but you’re sounding like the people who justify their sexual attraction to children. (I’m not saying that you are doing that, I’m saying you’re sounding like them.)
Holy shit, you didn’t understand a word of what I wrote about a school environment preventing a consensual setting. The others are a captive audience. They will hear whatever that person is talking about, whether they want to or not. This constitutes sexual harassment.
ME:
Also me:
Olav:
Those are, of course, complete strawmen. I never said “Just tell them porn is bad”, but I want to talk a bit more about this “prudery” argument. It’s this false sex positivity that gets thrown around whenever somebody expresses boundaries or discomfort.
I can assure you, there was nothing prude about my sex ed class. The kids got factual information, they could submit anonymous questions. But they were also in my care, so I had to make sure they were also safe. Having to listen to somebody who describes how they like watching a woman being tied up is not safe. It is not information.
Yet drawing that line is called “prudery” and it is actually a form of abusive gaslighting and it is a form that is pervasive in arguably progressive circles, where somehow you are the more liberated the more extreme your sex is.
“Prudery” is a weapon used against girls all the time. You don#t want piv? Don’t be prude! What about anal? Stop being a prude! No porn? We need to be less prude! Hahahaha, vanilla sex!
Giliell:
Wow.
I conclude you are not interested in discussing the subject further. That’s alright. Best of luck to you, unsarcastically.