A bad Xian movie that I missed?


Mike Huckabee has been sued for illegally robocalling to plug his movie. It doesn’t surprise me that he’s a venal little spammer, but I guess he was also an ineffective spammer, because this was the first I even heard of his movie. I had to look it up. It was called Last Ounce of Courage, and you’ll never guess what it’s about.

Well, maybe you can. Imagine the most hackneyed plot of every Christian movie ever (you got it: Christians are persecuted!), and then imagine the most trivial, non-existent slight to Christianity ever (I bet you already guessed the War on Christmas), and then put them together. You got it! It takes the last ounce of courage for these feeble Christians to say the words “Merry Christmas” in the face of all these ferocious atheists who deny them that right.

Apparently, it tanked hard. I guess I’ll have to watch it in order to make fun of it once it comes to Netflix (I ain’t paying for it, that’s for sure.)

Comments

  1. kestrel says

    Oh, goody – this is job security for the God Awful Movies podcast. I just listen to their review then I don’t have to waste precious moments of my life watching these turkeys.

    I sincerely hope that all 4 million people take Huckabee to court. It could not happen to a more deserving person.

  2. Owlmirror says

    LA Times review:

    Teague’s eyes fairly burn with despair at the thought of Christmas decorations outlawed (a), a student with a Bible chastised by the principal (b) and “Happy Holidays” replacing “Merry Christmas.”(c)

    (a) cannot happen; First Amendment
    (b) should not happen; First Amendment
    (c) seriously?

  3. KG says

    Owlmirror@2,

    I think a really creative legislator could find constitutional ways to effectively ban Christmas decorations, or at least get rid of the iniquitous and degrading trade in them! Onerous health-and-safety checks on selling trees for indoor use, strings of lights, glass baubles… I certainly think it would be worth a try :-p

    Come to think of it, that would force people back to making their own decorations. All the Christmas-is-about-Jesus crowd should be right behind it – back to Christmas as it used to be before Mammon elbowed Jesus out!

  4. Dunc says

    The only people who’ve ever successfully banned Christmas were Christians, on the grounds that it’s Papist idolatry and superstition. Here in Scotland, thanks to our hard-core Presbyterian history, Christmas wasn’t a public holiday until 1953.

  5. says

    There are plenty of people giving this movie very low scores on IMDB and Rotten tomatoes, but plenty of positive reviews too. IMDB shows most people voted the extremes. 37.4% voted 10/10, 34.3% voted 1/10. That’s 71.7%.

    From the “user reviews” at Rotten Tomatoes, here’s the positive reviews, I’m just taking the first bunch listed in the order they appear:

    5 stars

    Excellent movie. You must see this movie if you believe in the constitution, freedom and your rights as an American! To those who post ignorant anti american rhetoric and gibberish. Listen to the movie. It may talk about Christmas but it is about ALL freedoms, ALL religions, not just Christianity. Ive read some reviews posted here and it clearly shows the ignorance of some who take for granted the Constitution and those who fought for it, died for it and continue to support it. I am an American VET and damn proud of it. To those who hate and try and destroy our freedoms because of their political sattire and disbelief — MOVE to France or wherever you think you have freedom that have been fought for and died for.

    3.5 stars:

    This gets three and a half starts for content. Amateurish? Yeah. Academy award-winning performances? Nah. Subtle? Nah. But, hey, so what, it was a movie with a message, and the message was worth passing along, even if done with the subtlty of a pallbean hammer to the noggin.
    I think the fact that viewers give this 70% while “critics” give it 0% is yet more proof-positive of the types of people the “critics” are. If a movie stands for anything patriotic, represents traditional values, or anything remotely Christian at all, the lower its score. So, nuts to the “critics”, who couldn’t critique their way out of a paper bag.

    5 stars:

    It was an exceptional movie and one I would watch again and again!

    doesn’t display any score, positive or negative:

    One of the best movies I’ve ever seen!!

    4 stars:

    Not many movies move me like this one did. A Really powerful film! I find it funny that critics treat this movie just like the story. They want us all to be politically correct. It seems anything that is close to faith gets shot down.

    I wander if people that hated this movie that gave no stars, why bother writing?

    Sure the acting wasn’t amazing, nor was it an amazing script. I believe people like this because they can side with the story.

    5 stars:

    The vitriol spewed by professional critics upon a film given such high ratings by the general public (e.g., 70% on Rotten Tomatoes as of 07-04-15) is not only emblematic of the undeniably bitter and unfortunate sociopolitical chasm in the US but also symbolic of the silence into which those who embrace minority opinions so easily shame the majority. Some of those who so piously espouse the virtues of divergent opinion and political “correctness” are quick to defend another’s rights until those rights are used in a way that ostensibly engenders doubts about their own beliefs.

    [CUT…blablabla…]

    5 stars:

    It’s a inspired story. No it isn’t happening right now but this is definitely the direction that our country is heading. If we don’t stand up for what this country was built on this Will be what we leave for our children.
    It’s really time to make a stand for what this Country was built on.
    ONE NATION UNDER GOD

    4 stars:

    I enjoyed this movie, but only because I generally agree with its message. If you are a committed liberal, you probably want to skip this one.

    5 stars:

    I don’t rate Christmas movies but this is one of my rare 5 star movies. It teaches you to stand up for what you believe in. It’s about a grieving father who lost his son in war and he stopped celebrating Christmas along with the town. His grandson and his mom come to live with him and his wife and reminds him what Christmas is all about. A must watch film.

    The contrast between the next two reviews is amusing:

    5 stars

    If you don’t like this movie you are not an American.

    5 stars

    Great film. If you watch this movie with an open mind, you will find that it pays more homage to veterans and freedom, than anything else..Sure it is Christian orientated.. Guess what.. We are still a free country due to our soldiers and that makes religious freedom fine… So disregard the naysayers and watch a GREAT family pix.

  6. birgerjohansson says

    In my version, a hard-core presbyterian serial killer goes after every Santa with a chain saw.
    He is finally stopped by an atheist black transexual cop. After agent Mulder has wasted time chasing a red herring (a one-armed midget from Albania).
    The final shootout features explosions, car chases and Lutefisk dinners.

  7. birgerjohansson says

    Maybe I can substitute it with Cristmas Ham.
    Consumed the Swedish way, with Absolut vodka, wich incidentally catches fire during the shootout engulfing the crazed presbyterian killer.
    At this point Arnold Schwarzenegger quips “well, he was a hellfire preacher”!

  8. A. Noyd says

    If only we could ban the playing of excessive Christmas music in businesses, though. I do not need to hear 18 renditions of Frosty the Snowman in a single fucking day. And if I get sick of it as a customer, it’s got to be a dozen times worse for the workers.

  9. says

    Watch it on Netflix? For some reason the site has already somehow recommended Is Genesis History? to me, so I’d hate to think what its algorithms would do if I actually watched one of these movies.

  10. says

    Tabby Lavalamp:

    I’d hate to think what its algorithms would do if I actually watched one of these movies.

    Hence, the library idea. Librarians typically destroy your lending record as soon as you return the borrowed items…that way it can’t be subpoenaed.

  11. mhenrici says

    I think the Cinema Snob put it best…

    https://youtu.be/G-h0Jm-i184

    “This is a movie about people so well-off and so privileged that they just have to feel victimized and persecuted about something. Anything. They wanna feel that they are victims too, even though they’re not and they live pretty fucking solid lives. Here’s where I would normally get into who made the movie. Well, OK. Idiots. Idiots made this movie. The movie is written and directed by fucking idiots… for idiots. Idiots made this film because they know just how idiotic a person would have to be in order to buy this blatant piece of idiot porn. So Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, take care of yourselves and each other, and don’t be a fucking idiot.”

  12. What a Maroon, living up to the 'nym says

    And if I get sick of it as a customer, it’s got to be a dozen times worse for the workers.

    I’d imagine that most of them manage to block it out most of the time. Until some idiot customer comes along and comments on how annoying it is.

  13. feministhomemaker says

    We got the card notification a few days ago. Maybe they have a record of the numbers called and ours was on it. I don’t remember it but have a vague memory of huckabee recorded voice and hanging up in disgust. I saved the card for fun!

  14. archangelospumoni says

    #18
    We also got the notification of class a few days ago, and all of a sudden I remember getting 137X calls. It will take ages for such a class action suit to make it through the system, but in this case I will keep track.

  15. marinerachel says

    The things lutefisk does to people’s guts are enough to avoid this film.

  16. blf says

    The things lutefisk does to people’s guts are enough to avoid this film.

    By the time the lutefish has gotten to yer guts, it’s already eaten most of the rest of you. You won’t have had plenty of time to enjoy the film after being enjoyed for the feast.

  17. birgerjohansson says

    Lutefisk has acid for blood?
    — — —
    ” idiot porn”
    isn’t that a Lars von Trier film? (to his credit, he has also made the film “Antichrist”)

  18. birgerjohansson says

    The atheists are, of course, led by Mads Mikkelsen in his role as Dr. Lecter.
    Which makes their plans for the christians even more sinister.

  19. says

    To play off Dunc’s point @4, why would these people prefer to be reminded that the main event of the season was an RC mass rather than that the days are supposed to be ‘Holy’????

  20. secondtofirstworld says

    @14 mhenrici:

    He went a bit further this year by asking and receiving a review from the Dove Foundation for Jesus Bro, and he got the Bible Reloaded to be in his Lloyd animated show’s 5th episode.

  21. DanDare says

    Meanwhile in Oz our census shows 26.9pct have no religion. That’s our largest religious grouping now.

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