I don’t understand these billboards. What are the people who put these up thinking? Do they think Jesus might come tooling down I94 from Fargo in a tan Ciera and be reassured by its message? Jesus is the big guy. The Holy Ghost is the little guy, kinda funny looking, and he’s driving.
Jesus: Where is Pancakes House?
Holy Ghost: What?
Jesus: We stop at Pancakes House.
Holy Ghost: What are ya nuts? We had pancakes for breakfast. I want to go somewhere I can get a shot and a beer, and a steak, maybe. No more fuckin’ pancakes, c’mon man. C’mon man! Okay here’s an idea. We’ll stop outside of Brainerd. I know a place there we can get laid. What do ya think?
Jesus: I’m fuckin’ hungry now, you know!
Holy Ghost: Yeah, yeah. Jesus. I was just saying we could stop, get pancakes, and get laid.
[As they pass the Sauk Centre exit, they see a billboard]
Holy Ghost: Hey, look at that. You ever been to Sauk Centre?
Holy Ghost: Would it kill you to say something?
Jesus: I did.
Holy Ghost: “No.” That’s the first thing you’ve said in the last four hours. That’s a, that’s a fountain of conversation, man. That’s a geyser. I mean, whoa, daddy, stand back, man. Shit. You know I’m sittin’ here drivin’, doin’ all the drivin’, man, the whole fuckin’ way from Brainerd, drivin’, just tryin’ to chat, you know, keep our spirits up, fight the boredom of the road, and you can’t say one fuckin’ thing just in the way of conversation? Well, fuck it. I don’t have to talk either, man. See how you like it. [Pause] Just total fuckin’ silence. Two can play at that game, smart guy. We’ll just see how you like it. Total silence.
[They pass another sign]
Holy Ghost: What?!
Jesus: I need Unguent!
At least, that’s the conversation I imagine as they’re on the way to the Big City as they pass these colossal non sequiturs.
These really are billboards mounted along the freeway. I don’t get the point, other than making a display of public piety, unless they really do believe Jesus cruises around on I94.