Heed the word of God

George W. Bush is having private conversations with an invisible friend. Back in 2003 he met with the Palestinians and told them all about it.

Nabil Shaath says: “President Bush said to all of us: ‘I’m driven with a mission from God. God would tell me, “George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan.” And I did, and then God would tell me, “George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq …” And I did. And now, again, I feel God’s words coming to me, “Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East.” And by God I’m gonna do it.'”

Let’s get George to sit down and lead us through every step of these conversations—I’m sure his fundamentalist base would love it. Although I think there is a serious problem here that the literalists will point out to him. Notice that God did not say, “send other men to fight terrorists.” He said, “George, go.”

Those words are so clear and unambiguous, I suggest that we immediately give George a rifle and a uniform and ship him off to the Middle East. The fact that we are failing in Iraq is a sign of God’s displeasure that his servant has failed to heed his commands.

Just to be on the safe side, let’s send Cheney and Rice, too.

Maybe they all rolled three “1”s for Intelligence

Oh, crap. Tristero throws me into despair with this sad quote.

Science is a gift of God to all of us and science has taken us to a place that is biblical in its power to cure,” said Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Democrat of California, arguing for the bill’s passage. “And that is the embryonic stem cell research.”

And here I’ve got a “Pelosi ’07” bumper sticker on my car. How could she say something so idiotic? None of the Democrats are meeting my minimal standards for competence so far.

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It’s another tour of the Creation “Museum”

This one has lots and lots of photos and details—I don’t think I’ll ever need to visit Ken Ham’s folly, to my relief, since I can already see everything that’s in there.

The article makes another good point: this museum is going to be a tool to drive apostasy. It’s so ridiculous, so cartoonish, that some people are going to go into it mildly supportive of creationism and come out wondering what kind of kooky nonsense they’ve affiliated themselves with.

Thirty eight commandments? I can’t even keep the first one!

The Carnival of the Godless is full of new commandments I’m supposed to follow, but that seem to be getting broken at a frenetic pace. We don’t need any more; I have a suggestion for the Christians. Pick one of the good ones in the original 10. Not an easy one, like “Thou shalt loaf about on Sunday,” but one that might actually make a difference in the world. I suggest “Don’t kill.”

You’d think they would have gotten the message by now that they’re doing something wrong.

I get email

Another morning, another creationist whine out of the blue. Here’s another letter, and as usual with these well-thought out rants, I’m an afterthought—it’s addressed to Ken Miller, but then the guy figures he might as well clog a few more mailboxes while he’s sending it out.

As is traditional, the formatting is exactly as I received it. What is it with kooks and Comic Sans, anyway? And could they possibly trade in a few bold/italic font changes for an occasional paragraph break?

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Give Ham the Scalzi treatment

John Scalzi lives right near the Creation “Museum,” and he refuses to go. Good for him, I say — we’re going to have to start starving Ken Ham soon. On the other hand, if anyone could mock Ham’s Folly effectively, it’s Scalzi … it’s also so much fun to torment him. So his readers are teaming up to compel him to go.

Here’s the deal: Scalzi has a price. If people send him at least $250, which he will turn around and donate to Americans United for Separation of Church and State, he’ll suffer through the cheesy dinosaurs and silly lies, and also write an amusingly snarky summary of the visit. If he gets a thousand dollars or more, he’ll reward everyone a bonus prize or two.

This is brilliant. Rather than sending a scientist to that joke of an exhibit, send a comedian. Laughing at these clowns is the best way to expose them. So go ahead, get on over there and chip in a few bucks, and let’s get an appropriate commentator to review the show.