Amazon.com has new recommendations for me based on items I purchased or told them I own. That last bit is odd though, because I don’t remember telling Amazon about any of my stuff. But let’s see what they’re recommending just for me, shall we?
Yes, that’s right: squirrel-themed tin signs. Jeezus Christ.
The “Welcome to the Nut House” sign with the squirrel image is terrible enough of course, but “Keep Calm and Hug a Squirrel”? HUG A SQUIRREL?! Are you fucking kidding me?
Now I will admit that I may have searched on Amazon once or twice for squirrel traps. Possibly squirrel poison. And I vaguely remember maaaaaaybe looking into squirrel guns that one time. But I am 100% certain that I have never, EVER looked up squirrel-themed tin signs, much less signs that support hugging the fuckers. (?!)
Yes, the only logical explanation for this perfidy that I can think of is that Amazon’s been hacked…by the squirrels.