Paging Alan G Humphrey

Sorry to call you out on the floor like that, haha.  I only knew for sure of one person reading Centennial Hills, and the time has come for the last few installments.  Enjoy!

Content Warnings:  Misogyny, Violence, PTSD, Slavery, Bullying, Injury, Surgery, Dehumanization, Violations of Personal Space, Inequitable Class Systems, Sci-fi Racism, Mortal Danger.

CENTENNIAL HILLS 22

by Bébé Mélange

“Slippery freak was a real dirty fighter, messed up the guys.  Look.”

High Jdibitong watched his computer as the man on the other end moved his camera over the hall, where the defeated were pulling themselves together, getting ready for another round.  “And where are they now?,” he asked, eyestalk rotating in exasperation.

“I don’t know.  A couple of guys were chasing them upstairs.”

Jdibitong hung up, cast his rear eye at Googhi to express his incredulity at the situation, and glared at Snar with the front eye.  “Doctor, why is there an Ainavian tearing up my building?  What do they want?”

Snar twitched in fear and glanced from their boss to his children and back.  “I imagine that’s Captain Tmai, wanting the humans back.  I did not know they were so violent, or I would have let you know of the risk, surely.”

“Jdinghris, Chtonoming, shoo.”  The children complied and he switched the largest screen to the building surveillance system.  “If you want something done right…”

The bgrudjh switched to a multi-camera view surveilling an entire floor, and seeing no movement there, switched to another floor.  The highest, the place where the Earthlings had been left, where few Vinudians would be privileged to reside.  Immediately, problems jumped out at them.

“The Earthlings damaged my cage.  Where do they think they’re going?”  He could see the empty cage, but also see the escapees, trying to sneak through the labyrinth of drapery – to find an unguarded escape route.  He could also see the Ainavian losing their pursuit in the maze, his incompetent men stumbling around.  Not unusual for them to be intoxicated at that late hour, but annoying nonetheless.

He noticed Snar looking at the screen, making some inscrutable, nonverbal hand gestures.  He asked, “And what do you think you’re going to do, Doctor?”

Snar startled to attention.  “Nothing.  No one.  I’m just… I should probably…”

“I’ll need you to translate so we don’t have to play with our computers.  Come.”  He stood and Googhi began to rise, but he gestured for her to remain.  “You know the children may try to sneak out.  Keep this from happening.  We don’t know what the Earthlings are capable of.  They’re uncontacted, and might be savage enough to kill.”

Googhi flexed her thorax pensively and said, “Yes, my bgrudjh.”

Jdibitong dipped his rear eye respectfully at her.  He was glad she responded with appropriate seriousness; she could be quite impertinent at times.  Then he took the doctor by the princess sleeve and stormed out of the room.

In the hall, Snar sorted theirself out.  “I can walk for myself, sir!”

Jdibitong let them go.  “Then keep up.”  He didn’t have to turn around to scowl at them as he kept walking.  It would be a short trip.

Thanks to the cameras, he knew exactly where the Earthlings were, and soon was upon them.  Without a moment’s thought, he grabbed the cords of the drapery, and brought it down on the three.  They hadn’t even seen the big-eyed aliens in the dark, using one of their personal computers to light their steps.  Snar yelped.

Jdibitong kept a deft, powerful grip on the cords, moving them just so, to keep the Earthlings tangled.  They called out in confusion, fear, anger – all muffled by the thick cloth.  “To your bgrudjh!,” he yelled, and more men hustled into the opening.  “Catch them when they get out.”

Scuzz and the others didn’t take long to escape; the drapery hadn’t been designed to serve as a net.  Burly Vinudian men were waiting, and physically restrained them until they could be bullied into standing still.  Jdibitong barked at them, words they’d never know.  “Be still!”

“Shtob!,” Snar tried to translate.

Before the humans had been rather easy to intimidate, but they seemed to be feeling more confident, each standing ready to fight.  Scuzz had a practiced battle stance of some kind, which amused the bgrudjh.

Tmai slipped in under a drape, rising to their full height like a snake, and held a palm up to each side – hopefully communicating to the Vinudians they both did not want to fight, and did not want to be touched.

A Vinudian lunged, but pulled up short as Jdibitong bellowed, “Not now!  You had your chance, Gdeemosh.”  He tugged Snar more fully into the fore.

Lights began to turn on, dimly illuminating the scene from beyond layers of cloth, but at least the humans could finally understand who was present, and – roughly – what was going on.  Eliza flexed her arthritic fists and stared daggers at Jdibitong’s big wet eye.

“Can we go now?,” Shammy asked.

The bgrudjh silenced him with a furious gesture, then began to address Tmai, with Snar frantically translating into Ainavian sign language.  “This is trespass and destruction of property.  You will be arrested, fool.  Was it worthwhile to you?”

“I left these creatures with Dr. Snar, with the understanding I could retrieve them later.  You chose to withhold them from me.”

“Wild animals do not belong to anyone.  Surely you’re familiar with the Codex.”

“Then they don’t belong to you.  What do you gain by keeping them?”

“It’s what I lose by letting you get away with this.  This insult is unforgivable.”

“They are intelligent creatures and it’s my fault they’ve been taken from their home world.  I cannot allow them to become pets to a petty tyrant.”

“This isn’t an impasse, little Ainavian,” Jdibitong said, flexing his fists, “Because I can pass through you anytime I please.”  Snar’s fingers fumbled; their head sagged in dread.  Jdibitong gripped their arm again and said, “Every word!”

Snar signed to Tmai, “You can’t.”

Everyone hung in the dim light, tense but exhausted, angry, fraught with heavy feelings that hadn’t been a problem for them when they woke up that very morning.

Tmai said, “I know a little about your kind.  Would you let them go if I beat you in a physical contest?”

The Vinudian scoffed.  “Going to propose a wiggling competition, little worm?”

“Hand-to-hand combat, of course.  I’ll need a weapon to make up for my lack of bones.”

The bgrudjh’s men looked at each other in amazement at the words Snar translated, and more gathered, parting the drapes, making the room seem larger and larger.

Scuzz asked, “What is even going on?,” quiet enough to not draw the big man’s ire.

Eliza said, “They’re arguing over us.”

Jdibitong said, “Very well.  Gdeemosh!  Message everyone to come for the fight.  We will go to the ring.”

Vinudians bellowed and clicked in excitement, shaking their fists in the air.  They roughly escorted the humans and Ainavians to the sparring mat beneath the milky skylight, more opaque now with no daylight above.  Bright lights were turned on and angled toward the show, again reminding Snar of a terrible time on Earth.  Regarding Tmai, was this what Snar had looked like from the sidelines, to those wretched Earthlings?

Jdibitong conferred with his highest ranked men, staying for the moment in his corner.  Snar and the Earthlings were kept at ringside, one strong man on each, pinning them with only an implied threat.  Tmai looked at them with tired eyes, availing theirself of large water bottles in preparation.  They were recovering their structural integrity well, but would have less energy for this fight than they had in the halls below.  The snakeskin pants were aggravating, but they did not know how severe the Vinudian reaction would be if they removed them.

At last, Jdibitong’s family were allowed to crowd in at ringside, and it was time.  He spoke with a booming voice punctuated by snapping noises.  “This little vandal has come to claim the Earthlings as their property.  We like our little songbird, do we not?”  There were shouts of agreement.  “But, you know, they did have the Earthlings first.  Who can say what’s right or wrong?”

“Fists!  Fists!  Fists!”

“Give the Ainavian some bones.”

Someone at ringside gave Tmai a pair of metal objects.  Fingerholes fit for a Vinudian, joined in a bar – to increase the weight of a punch.  Tmai could fit their own fingers in the wrong holes and make it work.  They tested the weight with air punches.  Difficult.

Scuzz muttered, “it should be me,” then louder, “It should be me!  I know martial arts!  Leave Captain Tmai alone!”  More quietly again, to herself, “Pep…  Where are you?”

Eliza tried to console her, but a brute slapped her hand down.

Shammy watched Snar intently.  He sensed something in the doctor’s pathetic state, something larger than the present circumstance, that was making things worse.  But they had a close connection to the boss, seemed to work for the bgrudjh.  He wished the boneless creature wasn’t so lost, so weak in the face of this stress.

Jdibitong took no weapon for himself, stepping into the ring with bare hands.  “Ainavian.  I would not even take this fight as a joke, if you hadn’t beaten so many of my men.  Nice trick.  Do you think it will work on me?”

Tmai flicked their eyes at Snar, who was no longer bothering to translate.  They just looked up at the boss and shrugged.  Who could guess how the alien would interpret the gesture?  It was time to fight.

Jdunazh leaned in from the side, holding up three digits.  She folded one in and slapped it on the mat, then another for a second slap, and at the third,

Jdibitong shot a straight fast punch directly into Tmai’s center, fist sinking into them, compressing their torso at the site of impact to a few fingers depth.  Tmai’s elastic tissues violently decompressed, shoving their body off of the unmoving fist, down to the mat.

The bgrudjh stood there, arm soaked in ejected fluids, wondering if he’d just invited his whole enclave to witness him committing murder.  Scuzz shrieked, “You killed him!  Nooo!”

The crowd shrank back, buzzing and chattering, not knowing what to do.  Jdibitong collared Snar and dragged them onto the mat.  “Fix them, now!  Fix the Ainavian.”

Snar looked up, head swimming, not remembering a word of Vinudian.

“What is wrong with you?  Don’t you care about your fellows?  Fix them!”  He shoved Snar toward Tmai, and they just collapsed to the mat, bouncing once, laying nearly as immobile as the vanquished pilot.  Their body curled uselessly.

Shammy said, “Snar’s messed up, man!  That’s PTSD.  Got to give them some space!”

Eliza added, “Please!  Let them go!  Let us go!”  By then she was holding Scuzz close, with no rude interruptions.

Jdibitong’s lieutenants tried to keep the rabble in line, but some were already leaving, or taking video with their computers.  The big man knelt over the Ainavians, in an uncharacteristically gentle pose.  “Dr. Snar, please!  Are you on some kind of drugs?  Is there a quick cure?  This one could die!  Wake up, please!”  He offered gentle prods with his brutal hands.

Shammy knelt on the mat close by and whistled for the boss’s attention.  The Vinudian looked up in rage, but saw that the Earthling was offering advice, gesturing for him to step back from the Ainavians – particularly the doctor.

As much as it was maddening to lose even a second that could save the foolish creature’s life, he was at the mercy of circumstances beyond his control, and took the suggestion.  He stepped away, pacing in his corner of the mat, straining to control his rage and fear.

All of the movement, all of the chaos, it was still affecting Snar.  They lolled, mind reeling.

Shammy gently took the Ainavian’s head into his hands, cradling it, looking straight into their eyes.  “Listen to me, doc.  Just nothin’ but me.  Forget about all this hooey, OK?  Nothin’ but me.”  He couldn’t help but have his eyes dart to the captain, as still as dead, but reeled them in, to try and focus the ailing doctor.  “Tmai needs you.”  He let a hand free to sign, “Snar help Tmai?”

Snar rolled their head to look at Tmai, to make an effort to understand the situation, when all understanding had fled them.  In that strange moment, they suddenly became convinced that the Ainavian beside theirself was theirself, and was dead or dying.

“Oh me,” they signed.

Shammy scooted back, but kept himself large and in between the ringside crowd and the pathetic creature.  “What can you do, doc?”

Snar rolled onto their hands and knees and pawed at Tmai, feeling them all over the torso, the neck, the arms.  It looked like more flailing from a useless junkie, but resolved into firmer palpations, assaying the damage, and what life might be salvaged from apparent death.

The crowd began to close in again, barely held back by Shammy, now helped by Jdibitong and Jdunazh.

“Give the doctor room,” Jdibitong said, still able to intimidate his lessers.

Eliza and Scuzz were in the part of the rubberneck mob held back by a Shammy cordon, both gripping his outstretched arms with tired hands.  Eliza was much more concerned for Shamar than the aliens, always putting himself in front of trouble.

Snar put a hop in their shoulders to come down on Tmai’s chest with both palms, popping it back into a more proper shape.  Blood and milkier substances bloomed and swelled under skin, all over the chest and sides, and there was a barely perceptible cough from Tmai’s throat.

“I need to get to the clinic,” Snar said.  “I’ll die if I don’t get a proper balance of transfused fluids immediately.”  Even if I do, they thought, I still might die.

The crowd obediently moved this way and that, allowing the bgrudjh and his personal assistant to bear the Ainavians to the medical facility.  They didn’t stop the Earthlings following behind, but Jdibitong’s lieutenants followed closely, to make sure they didn’t try any wild moves.  Googhi held herself, in the drifting wake of their departure, and wondered if that would be the end of her family’s power.

Buttermilk lights hummed to life and Snar let the Vinudians ease Tmai onto a table, while they worked the biosynthesizer.  More sophisticated chemicals would be needed than the drugs they’d mixed up before, and they’d need to be injected or transfused in just the right places, or they could cause more harm than good.  Their medical mind had woken up, but they still, through it all, were imagining that it was their own body on the slab.

Scuzz was starting to come out of her own daze, starting to realize Tmai returning without Pep was a bad sign.  She whimpered her concern to Eliza, who could only offer a shoulder to lean on.  Shammy took advantage of the focus being on Tmai, to relax onto a stool.  His back felt a great sense of relief, but was still a hair’s breadth from collapsing into spasms – just now in a less disc-grinding position.

Snar watched theirself laid out, mostly dead.  Enough tissues would still be alive that circulation might be restarted, but four types of fluids would need to be administered, just so.  They coldly maneuvered the transfusion heads into place, piercing their skin.  They felt no pain – a bad sign.

Jdibitong and Jdunazh watched their work closely.  What did it all mean?  The transfusion heads looked more ready for an embalming than a resurrection, chewing into the Ainavian’s cold flesh with lamprey teeth.

Snar returned to the biosynthesizer, activated the pumps, and carefully worked the knobs.  A little of this, a little of that… They felt their body growing colder, so quickly.  They saw theirself, a corpse.  Pumping the stuff of life into an unreceptive vessel.  Watering a dead plant.

How had the barrage of gunfire done so much less damage than a single punch from their brutal boss?  The piercing injuries provoked an instantaneous clotting response, with openings in the skin allowing a potentially harmful by-product to escape as gas.  The unbroken skin, the internal bleeding now…  Unlike Vinudians, who have one predominant circulated fluid and local reservoirs for small amounts of other humors, Ainavians have parallel major circulatory systems carrying a variety of important fluids that are best kept unmixed.  Snar had to work against some biochemical processes while promoting others, while all of them were interacting with each other chaotically in the same region of the thorax.

What did I do to myself?, they thought.  This is what I get for sticking my neck out, for trying to help people.  I was a fool, and now I am going to die!  They thought about the strange poisons they consumed on Earth, the filthy creatures shoving those in their face, again and again.  They wondered if it was worth the effort to save theirself.

Who am I that I even matter?  I never enjoyed life as fully as others.  So much effort just to keep up an endless season of melancholy.  They touched their head and face, felt their lips rudely, pushed on their eyeballs.

“The hell are they doing?,” asked Shammy.

“Trying to wake Tmai up?,” Eliza offered.

Snar rested their head on their own, moaned with grief.  Just because I didn’t want life doesn’t mean I should have to die.  It’s not fair.  I hate it.  They propped theirself up and got back to work, running multi-spectrum body scans.  Live, you fool.

The scans showed a terrible cloud of trisemic cords forming between the volar and vular atria.  Moturic acid was the obvious solution, but if it got into the pismal process, they could be paralyzed for life, or killed.  The only solution was manually injecting drops of moturic acid into the densest clumps and hoping it had catalyzed into less dangerous compounds by the time it escaped.  Without opening the chest, causing trauma to a body barely alive, the work would have to be performed blind.

Snar had no assistance that would understand the relevant terms, and was clearly feeling the lack, as they crashed around the lab for tools and devices.  They came back to Tmai’s body with a brace of sharp probes, and began stabbing them into their chest at irregular intervals.  Corresponding to areas revealed as problematic on the scan?  It was very hard for a bystander to tell.  Snar worked the buttons on the handles, leaving the probes standing in place, like a vampire hunter fussing over wooden stakes.

Everyone stood as close as they dared, hoping not to be in the doctor’s way if they had sudden need of yet another instrument, and soon were rewarded with a sign of life.  Tmai’s lips seemed to tremble, just for a moment.  Then an eyelid flicked.

Snar couldn’t see that, so focused on metrics and readings, adjustments and implements.  The excitement of the bystanders was an irritation, like the audience at their own boxing debut, and far from a good sign.  Suddenly, both eyes snapped open, and Snar stumbled away in shock.  Those aren’t my eyes!

What was more horrible?  That their identity had been usurped?  That their mind was so broken they’d imagined theirself into another body?  That another person’s life had been in their hands while they had been in such a state?  They fled wildly, flopping and crashing into every tray and table in the way.

Jdibitong grabbed them by the princess-sleeved arms again, and tried to speak with calm gravitas.  “Dr. Snar, please.  We don’t understand this behavior, but your Ainavian friend needs help only you can provide.  Please, please, snap out of it.”  Jdunazh blocked their way, but also made her best Vinudian gestures of supplication and pleading.

Back at the table, the humans leaned close – Scuzz closest of all.  “Tmai..?”

“Scuzz,” Tmai said, barely a whisper.

“Where is Pep?”

Tmai closed their eyes grimly.  “No Beb.  No, no Beb.”

Somehow, the message was conveyed.  Scuzz began to squall in sorrow, reminding Tmai so much of Olivia, and the larger Earthlings comforted her.  At last, Snar returned, seemingly in better wits, while physically more pathetic than ever.

Through it all, Eliza stared at Tmai in amazement.  Not at the captain’s survival or travails, but at the idea Pep was gone forever.  All of her imagining of the ways they could die did not prepare her for the reality of it, and she was completely stuck on the mystery.

How the hell had it happened?  Could they ever know?  Would they want to?

I think there will only be one more after this!  I think!  One of my regrets in the story is that there are no opportunities left for Scuzz to use her krav maga.

MonsterHearts 2025 – Day Fourteen

Don’t Miss Posts.  This MonsterHearts, I’m also having one regular post a day, if you should prefer that kind of thing.  Just look at the posts before or after this one.

MonsterHearts is a 14 day event (named after a pervy RPG) wherein my writing group votes on a monster each day to include in a story concept.  As we march toward Valentine’s Day, the theme is supernatural romance.  This year, I’ve been trying to just use “edit” mode in MidJourney to iron out irregularities, even trying to make a legible title in the AI program.  While it’s cool you can now hammer the hands and text into shape, as opposed to just photoshopping what you need to fix, there are advantages to doing it the older way.  There’s a lot less control of where and how the text is placed, and what it looks like.  This last title was horribly difficult.  I’m not doing this method again.

MONSTER HEARTS DAY FOURTEEN:  LOVER’S CHOICE

That means we can choose between any of the candidates that didn’t win votes.  The big list this year: Artificial, Cursed, Demonic, Experimental, Fiery, Ghoulish, Gigantic, Inanimate, Insectoid, Legendary, Natural, or Seasonal.  As usual, I’m going to try to do them all.  Probably gonna half-ass ’em tho.

TITLE:  ME & MEGAN + UNHOLY BEA

CHARACTERS:  Me: First Person Narrator and Genderqueer Bay Area Hipster, Megan Lum: Their Intended, a College Girl, Unholy Bea: a Fiery Demond.

PREMISE:  I’ve been trying to get close to this girl, right?  She is super hard to get, and that’s cool, gotta respect boundaries, so she’s just a maybe who knows kinda person, and a friend.  But the maybe who knows?  Seems a little more than friend, but awful cagey about what it would take to change the circumstance.

I just about gave up, when I found out she’s into the occult.  That’s great.  Learned some chaos magic from my gender studies prof Spiv Spivey.  Ey hooked me up with a nameless tome, I invited Megan on a trip to Mount Shasta in wildflower season, and it was all good.

THE HOOK:  For certain definitions of good.  This tome (Inanimate) had a sort of experimental vibe to it (Experimental), letting you create your own demon (Artificial), instead of summoning the usual guys.  There were bunnies hopping around the field and I guess it was Easter (Seasonal), but easy to lose track if Jesus hates you.  I get the tome out and Megan is so into it, she kisses me on the spot.  I had to keep going.

Using the natural creatures of the meadow (Natural), we grew our demon from bunny and dragonfly (Insectoid) parts, burning in an unnatural flame (Fiery) until they became a ten foot tall (Gigantic) smoldering demon (Demonic) with exoskeletal paws like they were encrusted in charcoal.

Turns out the demon was a lady, which is cool, because I like ladies.  She was a bit much for me at first, but Megan was a freak for this stuff (Ghoulish), and took us by the hand.  We all got freaky right there in front of God and everyone.  We named her after Bea Arthur (Legendary) because she was a good ally for the community.

Demon vag is cursed tho (Cursed).  Best believe we went to hell after that.  Worth it.

 

The Herfy Diaspora

Fast food franchises in the USA.  Megacorporation offloads some amount of liability and expense by making deals with small business fuckos, whereby the small business fucko owns and operates a restaurant with their branding, and varying amounts of their everything else.  The big boys like McDoodoo and Gag in the Bag exercise a lot of control – everything has to be set up just so – which is a boon for food safety.  Left to their own devices, small restaurants tend to cheap out on important elements of hygiene.  In my county, there are little food safety scores posted outside all the restaurants, and fast food places are more consistently “excellent.”

Enter Herfy’s, or rather exit Herfy’s, which was a fast food franchise until a few years ago.  Generally a burger and fry place, but with some amount of seafood on the menu.  When I was security guarding in the lead-up to the subprime mortgage collapse, my fellow guard / homeboy would sometimes get lunch at the Herfy’s across the street, and always regret it due to foodborne illness.  What’s up with that, Herfy’s?

It makes sense.  Herfy sounds like the condition of being afflicted with foodborne illness.  Oh man, think that fish sandwich isn’t done with me yet.  Pull over, I’m gonna herf.

Thank you, Garth.  Herfing accomplished, I proceed.

The Herfy’ses were always much more variable and independent seeming than franchises of the big boys.  I have no idea why, but it had an interesting effect.  When Herfy’s corporate went out of business, many of the restaurants carried on as if nothing happened!  Due to IP law and whatnot, they had to change the signage, but many of them – such as “Cow & Cod” in Auburn, even kept the Herfy’s color scheme.

I think it’s cool because more active businesses is more jobs, more variety of places to eat.  Cow & Cod is pretty great, by the way.  The corporation went down, but the Herfing continued unabated.  I’m guessing up in Seattle the exHerf that sickened my homeboy is still sickening other people’s homeboys to this very day, and classier ones like Cow & Cod are giving you an alternative to corporate fast food.  Fantastic.

I don’t know if Herfy’s was just a PNW thing or if the situation looks similar elsewhere.  Feel free to herf about them in the comments.

MonsterHearts 2025 – Day Thirteen

Don’t Miss Posts.  This MonsterHearts, I’m also having one regular post a day, if you should prefer that kind of thing.  Just look at the posts before or after this one.

MonsterHearts is a 14 day event (named after a pervy RPG) wherein my writing group votes on a monster each day to include in a story concept.  As we march toward Valentine’s Day, the theme is supernatural romance.  This year, I’ve been trying to just use “edit” mode in MidJourney to iron out irregularities, even trying to make a legible title in the AI program.  While it’s cool you can now hammer the hands and text into shape, as opposed to just photoshopping what you need to fix, there are advantages to doing it the older way.  There’s a lot less control of where and how the text is placed, and what it looks like.  Surprised I’ve kept up the effort this long; looks like I’m gonna go all the way with it.

MONSTER HEARTS DAY THIRTEEN:  SHAPESHIFTER

TITLE:  ROCK TO DEATH

CHARACTERS:  Skizzy Portentous: an Early ’90s Hair Metal Guitarist, Donny Colbert: the Drummer.

PREMISE:  Skizzy only cares about guitar and rocking out.  He doesn’t have time for groupies, doesn’t have time for love.  It’s all about pedals and amps and flying V-neck thirteen-string harmonic something somethings.  Donny loves Skizzy, but it must always be from behind the drum kit.  Probably there’s a rhythm guitarist, a bassist, and/or a singer in the mix too, but never mind them.

Wait, more band members is more chances to come up with funny names.  Bosley “Heroinhands” McGee, Ten Inch Tidwell, and Howlin’ Harry Knuckledusters.  They exist now.  Sorry.

THE HOOK:  Skizzy locks himself away in the tour bus, finally near completion of the world’s most perfect guitar.  The band has to perform with a roadie on lead guitar, just to keep the crowd from rioting.  After the show, they approach the tour bus.

It rips to pieces in a spray of metal guitar strings.  Skizzy has become half-man, half-guitar, and he will destroy the world with rock.  Donny chases Skizzy around the city begging him to stop the rampage, but finally gives up and plays the drums for him.  Harum-pum-pum-pum.

 

Love Time

Get loved on, fools.  If you have somebody to love on this day, do your duty.  If you have not, well, yours is another kind of love.  The love of your fellow humans, of those kinds of humans that can have love for you.  Like me, por ejemplo.  I can love you.  It’s easy.  Mwah!  I blow kisses.  Or offer solemn salutes, if that’s more your speed.  Fist bump?  A terrorist fist jab..?

How do I love strangers?  Let me count the ways:

I’m an everyday people fetishist.  If you don’t look like a model, you’re probably on the list of people I’d bone, if I wasn’t in a closed relationship, and if you were amenable.  Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you, baby.  Especially if you’re over forty and overweight like me.  Yeah, I’m talkin’ to me, baby.

That was a bit off color.  Moving on…

We’ve all got our own row to hoe, as they say.  I respect the struggle.

We are all subject to egregious indignities, and slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.  Your pain is not worth it, but it does ennoble you nonetheless.

We are all made out of the same parts in varying proportion, mentally and physically, and how could I hate somebody like me?  That would be like hating myself, which is just not in my nature to do.  The people on my shitlist had to work pretty hard to earn that position.

And if you’re here, it’s probably because you have similar values to me, whether we agree about every last detail of it, and that makes us comrades.  Camaraderie is no joke.

While I can’t be very emotionally available to very many people, I will generally do my best.  If you need some affection, holler at your dogg.  I will love upon you in the comments below.

MonsterHearts 2025 – Day Twelve

Don’t Miss Posts.  This MonsterHearts, I’m also having one regular post a day, if you should prefer that kind of thing.  Just look at the posts before or after this one.

MonsterHearts is a 14 day event (named after a pervy RPG) wherein my writing group votes on a monster each day to include in a story concept.  As we march toward Valentine’s Day, the theme is supernatural romance.  This year, I’ve been trying to just use “edit” mode in MidJourney to iron out irregularities, even trying to make a legible title in the AI program.  While it’s cool you can now hammer the hands and text into shape, as opposed to just photoshopping what you need to fix, there are advantages to doing it the older way.  There’s a lot less control of where and how the text is placed, and what it looks like.  Surprised I’ve kept up the effort this long; looks like I’m gonna go all the way with it.  Although I did run out patience for getting accent marks into my name properly on this one.  I’m just gonna finish it out like this out of compulsion.

MONSTER HEARTS DAY TWELVE:  PARASITE

TITLE:  DAMNED MINNEAPOLIS

CHARACTERS:  Cleavon White: an Early ’90s Funk Musician, Komla Abasom: a Vampire.

PREMISE:  Parasite is the vampire category and I tend to not do straightforward vamp stories.  Early results in seeking a cover for this one yielded nothing but white people, and per Billy Martin’s most recent word on race in gay vampires, I banged on this one until they were black.  Now, to come up with a story that justifies the image, and is at all interesting.  Let’s see…

In the last days of Minneapolis funk, a drummer and keyboardist named Cleavon was part of the never-ending scene rotation, trying to form his own bands or dropping in on somebody else’s thing, and nothing was sticking.  The crossover with hip-hop was promising, but rappers could find success without the effort of a real instrumentalist behind them, and those projects also fell flat.

Mysterious businessman Komla said, “It’s all who you know,” Cleavon said, “I know,” and Komla said, “Get to know me.”  Soon he was able to get studio gigs for cool rappers, and reel in some dollars.  But music success wasn’t the only thing Komla had to teach.

THE HOOK:  This rap villain is here to make a killin’.  Komla liked repping rappers because their dangerous lifestyle added life insurance payouts to his revenue – and because nobody would question why the blood kept flowing.  But more sophisticated music moved what was left of his ancient soul, so he took Cleavon under his bat wing.  How far are you willing to go, funk man?

Creativity Feels Like…

Do you know what’s going on in your mind, when you’re doing something creative?  Of course not, like, biologically speaking what’s going on in there is so complex that the best experts on the topic have kind of a glimmer about it, and the rest of us not even that.  But what’s it feel like?  That’s information.  Sometimes we can have a pretty good idea of how our minds are operating.  It’s a kind of data, if one that is inherently very subjective, and can be essential.

Marcus asked, what do you think is going on in your mind, when you’re being creative?  To get at that, we need at least a workable placeholder definition for creativity.  Narrow things down a lot, so we don’t have to write a five hundred page tome on the subject.  In his examples, he was not looking at art.  He was talking about problem solving.  One could look at any human task as a place where creativity can be applied.  Let’s say, it’s generating an idea for how to perform a task, that is at least new to you, in that moment.  You might piece it together from things long ago learned and forgotten, or you might just use observation and reason as a springboard to a novel approach.  The novel approach in that example is the creative act.

Going by this definition, creativity must involve something like originality.  It doesn’t have to be “pure” originality, just new to you at the time you’re resolving your task.  A huge reason this discussion is happening is the advent of “generative AI,” which has motivated a lot of humans to draw lines around what, if anything, could only be achieved by human beings.  I don’t have that emotional motive.

I have a different one, which is to defend humans that want to work with AI from abuse, but I’m going to leave that aside here, just to answer the question.  Because it is a question that has some interest when stripped of that particular argument.  I recently said that I am “throwing myself into creativity” as a way of coping with grim realities, but what does that mean?

I’m writing, doing writing exercises, and using AI art to illustrate ideas.  Some of these things are idle as games, some of them are chasing lofty ambitions.  To keep the controversy out of this post, we’ll ignore the AI art and focus on the writing.  And because the AI art has influenced my process for writing MonsterHearts and Spooktobers, I’m going to ignore those too.  Let’s just contemplate the long form prose.

When you’re writing a work of prose, there are many cognitive tasks involved, some disparate and some very intertwined.  How they are performed can vary a lot with the task, so I pretty much have to try and separate and simplify these.  Let’s restrict the scope of my analysis to “Coming up with the Concept,” which a lot of people seem to regard as the “most creative” part of the act.

Coming up with the concept can be that bolt of lightning that hits you out of nowhere, but that’s very unusual.  Most of the time, I’m starting from a desire to write a story, deciding what my goals are, and spitballing how I’m going to achieve them.  Some examples:

A long time ago, I randomly watched a cheap-ass 1970s anime and thought, in a fit of hubris, “I could do that!”  Not having to hand-paint celluloid and use film, animation has gotten a lot more achievable, but no, of course I cannot, as an individual, make a cartoon series.  Not without devoting my life to it, and having a lot more resources.  But in response to this dubious inspiration, I outlined a single season of an anime show, a parody of Star Blazers, Gundam, Macross – that kind of shit.  It was very fun and I haven’t forgotten the idea.  I still poke at it, from time to time.

Cognitively, what was going on there?  See a thing, feel “I could do that,” and then take the first direction with it that popped into my head.  In this case it was parody, which is deceptively easy to write.  Good parody is probably a lot more difficult.  I don’t think Weird Al bats a thousand with it, and he’s the expert.  But parody, like other types of art, is reactive.  I look at what somebody else did, do the same thing, but throw my own flavor on it – in this case, just highlighting whatever I regarded as absurd from those shows.  Plotwise, it was Space Battleship Yamato (1974) but transplanted into American culture in the ’90s – and what I remembered of being a teenager, since all anime characters have to be snot-nosed kids.

So I was consciously crafting a pastiche of previous art I’d consumed, and transforming it by using related experiences and ideas from my own life and culture.

Let’s look at Centennial Hills.  That was conceived when my husband and I first challenged ourselves to do a turbo writing event.  At that time we were aiming for fifty thousand words in three days, which I still have not achieved.  He did make the score, but doesn’t want to hurt his hands like that anymore, and we only turbo when we can line up four days in a row now.

I can no longer remember which of us came up with the idea to both use stereotypical UFO pilots in our stories, but we did.  Mine were grey and his were green.  His greenliens were amusing monsters.  My greyliens were inspired by a very sketchy and legendary youtube short called “E.T. 2,” in which a Communion-type alien comes to earth and gets wasted on alcohol and drugs.

That was classic dudebro humor – take something innocent and make it into the “adult” version, like making cartoons fuck.  I thought, what if I show both sides of that, to express my views about people, the way we really are?  Hence two aliens get split up, one having innocent misadventures with a little girl, and one falling in with crappy scumbags.

Creatively speaking, what was I doing here?  Um…  consciously crafting a pastiche of previous art I’d consumed, and transforming it by using related experiences and ideas from my own life and culture.  Much more elaborately than the anime, but still…  Is this all there is for me?

Let’s take a third idea, one I have not written yet.  In response to the unfortunate passing of David Lynch, and my husband’s aeternal lament that there is no new art for him anymore – that he long ago consumed all the art he was ever going to be interested in and now there’s nothing left – I decided to write “The Best Novel That Ever Existed” for this particular audience of one.  To do this, I’ve been looking at all the things he likes and dislikes about his favorite narrative art ever, seeing if I could derive unifying themes that could be deployed in an original way by yours truly.

But that’s kinda consciously crafting a pastiche of previous art I’d consumed, and transforming it by using related experiences and ideas from my own life and culture, isn’t it?  It’s going to be much more original than the other two, I think, but still… It exists in reaction.

But then, Marcus’s problem-solving creativity existed in reaction to the problem, yes?  Same thing?

I don’t know.  I’d like to bring in one of those “bolt of lightning” stories for comparison, but I easily forget the actual experience of those moments, and could not tell you what I was thinking during any of them.  The only one that comes to mind from recent years is when I wrote the lines, “This rhyme has no composure like a whack-ass thesis, Your boyfriend’s on macaque like a monkey rhesus,” and again, the moment literally happened when I was on the john, leaving no trace of its fundamental path in my memory.

Make of that what you will!  I’m done.

MonsterHearts 2025 – Day Eleven

Don’t Miss Posts.  This MonsterHearts, I’m also having one regular post a day, if you should prefer that kind of thing.  Just look at the posts before or after this one.

MonsterHearts is a 14 day event (named after a pervy RPG) wherein my writing group votes on a monster each day to include in a story concept.  As we march toward Valentine’s Day, the theme is supernatural romance.  This year, I’ve been trying to just use “edit” mode in MidJourney to iron out irregularities, even trying to make a legible title in the AI program.  While it’s cool you can now hammer the hands and text into shape, as opposed to just photoshopping what you need to fix, there are advantages to doing it the older way.  There’s a lot less control of where and how the text is placed, and what it looks like.  Surprised I’ve kept up the effort this long; looks like I’m gonna go all the way with it.

MONSTER HEARTS DAY ELEVEN:  INCORPOREAL

TITLE:  MAD MALWAR3 GIRLZ ROOOL

CHARACTERS:  Colleen Crash: a Trans Computer Hacker Type, ANи1KA and M0NiK4: Sisters who also Hack, or Virtual Illusions?

PREMISE:  In some unimaginable dystopian version of our world, the most obvious con man and fascist thug in human history has convinced half of america he’s harmless and the other half that he shits gold, thus acquiring enough power to rewrite anything that was worth a shit in the place.  Within this impossible world of banal evil that is just so soulcrushingly tedious nobody would ever want to write a story about it, god it’s so boring, the only life and liveliness must come from hacktivists and gay weirdos.

THE HOOK:  Colleen’s best friends in the CYb4Rsp8s are the sisters ANи1KA and M0NiK4, altho there is some risk of the friendship blowing up because both sisters wanna get with Colleen.  Or are they even real?  Maybe they’re a cheap sex fantasy that escaped from her mind.  Maybe they’re cointelprobots, sent by the NSA to lure her into federal prison.  Or maybe, they’re a new life form, on some Ghost in the Shell type shit, wanting to bone Colleen into a Brave New World.

Chaos Rules Everything Around Me

C.R.E.A.M. by the Wu-Tang Clan says “Cash Rules Everything Around Me.”  No, my fellas.  It is Chaos that reigns supreme.  I do think you understand that – it does get mentioned in your song, by synonyms.  Anyway, I’m feeling it tonight, feeling my religion, as I ponder the problems of our time and come back knowing less than before I started pondering.

The biggest problems that face humanity may be insoluble.  No resolution but the bitter end – which I don’t expect for some time to come, will not likely live to witness myself, so don’t get too bent.  But it’s a possibility – over a long enough arc an inevitability – so whoever is there to bear witness, I hope they can care for each other with a dignity that has eluded the masses of people for a long time.  Learn the lessons of Hellstar Remina.

But smaller problems than the apocalypse are giving me a case of the ass right now.  Take any one issue, think of a solution, and you can think of a thousand ways it can fail.  The nature of life is that everything angles for every advantage it can achieve until it undermines itself or is outmaneuvered by another angling life form or circumstance that throws the chess pieces on the floor.  Start over, if you can.  The same principle seems to apply to civilization.

One of the big problems that philosophy applied itself to, going back to the ancient world, was to decide what is the best society, and how it can be best achieved.  By the nineteenth century and early Modernism, this took the shape of various theories about the natural progression of history, of which Marxism was the most enduring.  I remember hearing a Rage Against the Machine song where lil’ Zacky said, “It’s the end of history,” and the commie rocka was not talking doomerism, more the idea that capitalism was entering the stage where it is inevitably defeated.  Lovely vision.

I’m pretty sure one or more of those old Modernist theories included the notion that this progression of history is cyclical – that societies come and go in a predictable way.  To that I say, maybe not all that predictable, but yes, invariably societies fall.  Political ideas and orders fall.  The idea that America was ever about freedom, that is rocketing into graveyard of history.  It’s sickening to see all of Orwell’s observations about totalitarianism coming to pass here – especially the inverted language.  Yell freedom while demanding servitude and conformity.  Seriously, fuck the USA so fucking much on that one.  Y’all fascists make me wanna puke.  Utterly beneath contempt.

Not what I was thinking about when I started this post.  Here it is:  when the fascist screws tighten on the internet, how will we communicate with each other?  When the police state algorithmically suppresses all leftist / lgbt+ / non-christian thought online, how do we stay in touch?  Social media is a panopticon.  Right now, the means to communicate “off the grid” are too elaborate for the average person use, in practice.  VPNs are controlled by businesses, which are all focal points of attack for fascists – systems that can fail.  Being based in Uzbekistan doesn’t make your VPN much safer; it just means the efforts to compromise it will be covert and illegal.  The dark web is grimy pedo murder city, no place to be, and involves some kinda weird technical knowledge just to get through the door, right?  Ya probably don’t want to answer that question if you know, heh.

Chain e-mails?  I’m told e-mail has terrible security.  Encrypted e-mails?  How does that shit work?  Could we get everybody on the same page in time to dodge the hammer coming down?  Will we be passing around secret media, thumb drives in brown envelopes?  What will we want to tell each other about, and how can we do so, in a way that minimizes exposure to a state run by murderous thugs?

Everything I can think of has failing after failing, exploit after exploit, and can’t hope to rival the reach of even the worst social media sites.  I’m not looking forward to this becoming a more significant problem than it already is.

One sliver of hope in that:  When corporations are the only law, competition between those corporations gives windows for some small amount of liberty.  For example, let’s say the fuckos who run bluesky decide they want to keep snatching all the business from non-creeps, and successfully resists buy-outs and government pressure.  Eventually they will become corrupted or fail, but in the meantime, it’s somewhere to be that isn’t run by the state’s biggest corporate allies.  The hand of the market giving us a favor, for a minute.  Maybe this keeps happening – we all just keep wandering from place to place, until our years in the desert are at their end.

It’s chaos.  The corporations would like to monopolize everything, fight to become Big Brother, but they’re still ruled by entropy, at the end of the day.  They eat each other, teeter, and fail from their own internal corruption.  We’re just fleas on the dog.

Anyway, for the time when Matt Mullenweg’s meltdown consumes wordpress and thereby Freethought Blogs, I hope you’ll all subscribe to my xerox’d zine, coming soon to the haunted and burned-out remains of a university near you.

MonsterHearts 2025 – Day Ten

Don’t Miss Posts.  This MonsterHearts, I’m also having one regular post a day, if you should prefer that kind of thing.  Just look at the posts before or after this one.

MonsterHearts is a 14 day event (named after a pervy RPG) wherein my writing group votes on a monster each day to include in a story concept.  As we march toward Valentine’s Day, the theme is supernatural romance.  This year, I’ve been trying to just use “edit” mode in MidJourney to iron out irregularities, even trying to make a legible title in the AI program.  While it’s cool you can now hammer the hands and text into shape, as opposed to just photoshopping what you need to fix, there are advantages to doing it the older way.  There’s a lot less control of where and how the text is placed, and what it looks like.  Surprised I’ve kept up the effort this long; looks like I’m gonna go all the way with it.

MONSTER HEARTS DAY TEN:  DREAMER

TITLE:  M-74S

CHARACTERS:  Sra. Seagrave: a Bureaucrat of the Dream World, Sra. Grijalva: a Dreamer.

PREMISE:  Señora Grijalva is asleep.  She fell in love at first sight, as you do in dreams, with an elegant lady working the office of Dream Bureaucracy.  To have excuses to get back in line, get to her window, to see and talk to her again, she takes it upon herself to perform increasingly arcane bureaucratic tasks – getting licenses for her pet licenses, special ordering sub-certified copies of her passport application application, etc.  Heartless monster Señora Seagrave isn’t making it easy for her.

THE HOOK:  The last and worst form is M-74S, which needed so many stamps and signatures, Sra. Grijalva’s sleep is nearly at an end by the time she has it completed.  The form needs an extended private review by Sra. Seagrave, which is everything she’s been fighting for.

But as she wakes up, the world begins to disintegrate.  It feels like she’s dying, like she can’t make sense of anything.  Sra. Seagrave realizes the affection was mutual too late.  Or does she just seem like she does, because dreams forget their own rules as they draw to a close?