I’m saying “Merry Christmas”!
It’s so wonderful to hear!
Thanks to Trump, I get to say it,
Which I hadn’t, since… last year. [Read more…]
I’m saying “Merry Christmas”!
It’s so wonderful to hear!
Thanks to Trump, I get to say it,
Which I hadn’t, since… last year. [Read more…]
The War Against Christmas is over!
(Well, you knew that it never could last)
Christmas Present has changed beyond telling
And you’ll nevermore see Christmas Past [Read more…]
Holy Zombie Jesus! Christ is risen from the dead!
That’s the message that they’re sending, but they’re catching flak instead
For their baby zombie Jesus, with a manger for His bed
Which the neighbors do not like, in Cincinnati.
A nativity with zombies—for the most part, cos it’s fun!
It’s an advert for a haunted house a local group has run
So it’s good for Christmas business, see, when all is said and done,
But the neighborhood is going rather batty. [Read more…]
People tell you “Tis the season”
But for no apparent reason
In a time of peace and giving, they’re declaring war instead
The most trivial of matters
Have some people mad as hatters
And these “War on Christmas” Starbucks cups have got me seeing red! [Read more…]
‘Twas the night before Christmas; the Christians all hunkered
In basements of buildings they’d armored and bunkered.
They huddled in silence; they huddled in fear,
With thoughts that the atheists soon would draw near [Read more…]
From the Cape of Good Hope to the Newfoundland islands,
The sands of Iran to the Panama isthmus;
From Outback Australia to Inverness Highlands
It’s time to take arms in the War Against Christmas!
My weapons are mistletoe, Christmas trees, holly,
A yule-log, and caroling out in the snow;
Sleigh-rides and snowball-fights, eggnog and Jolly
Old Santa Claus, laughing his loud “Ho! Ho! Ho!”
We’ll make them forget all the Truth of the season—
The sacrifice planned by a god up above—
And have them believing some bastardized reason
Like giving, or kindness, or caring or love!
I’ll cruelly and callously help out a stranger
Who’s down on his luck or has suffered some loss,
I won’t even speak of the babe in the manger
Whom God sent to Earth to get nailed to a cross;
When the winds of December conspire to freeze us
I’ll help collect sweaters and coats for the poor,
Neglecting to make any mention of Jesus,
Whose torture is really what Christmas is for.
My hatred of Christmas will focus my labors
On weaving an atheist fabric of lies—
For instance, I’m giving to all of my neighbors
Gift baskets, cookies, and fruitcakes and pies!
I’ll say “Merry Christmas!” I’ll say “Season’s Greetings!”
I’ll say “Happy Holidays—Joyous Noel!”
Intending of course, that with each of these meetings
The Truth About Christmas can just go to hell.
The truth is that Christmas is not about presents
It’s no time for songs, It’s not time to be nice
It’s not time for feasting on turkeys or pheasants—
It’s sin, and redemption by blood sacrifice.
No time to be jolly; no time to be merry
It’s time to be solemn, and grim, and devout!
The heathens might find it depressing or scary
But that is what Christmas is truly about.
Yes, Jesus is really the ultimate reason
And Christmas is really redemption and sin;
The war against Christmas is early this season—
For God’s sake, let’s hope that the atheists win!
A bit of history of Christmas in America, after the jump:
I am as busy as a very busy cuttlefish can be, but I see that people have been visiting the site looking for Christmas verses. So I have two things: first, one that is not complete, but was written because I was giving a final exam, and there were extra pieces of paper and #2 pencils, and I couldn’t help myself. It’s only three verses, prompted by Ed’s reporting that Bill O’Reilly has finally won the War Against Christmas. [Read more…]
In their fight against Christ
Just how vast is their search?
Have they come for your house?
Have they come for your church?
Have they come for your neighbors,
Your family, your friends?
In this fight against Jesus,
Just what are their ends? [Read more…]
The Grinch hated Christmas, and all its abuses,
But blamed just himself—he would make no excuses—
They told him (naïve, he had no need to doubt)
That his undersized heart—that was what it’s about.
The Christians could claim the town square as their own;
They could feast on roast beast and not throw him a bone.
The Grinch blamed himself; he’d accepted the dictum
That framed him as villain while truly the victim. [Read more…]
I packed up the kids, and we went to town hall—
Because Solstice was coming! We wanted it all!
From the tinseled-up spruce-tree to Clarence’s bell
To the picture of Lucifer tumbling to hell [Read more…]