Seeing Red (A War On Christmas Poem)

People tell you “Tis the season”
But for no apparent reason
In a time of peace and giving, they’re declaring war instead
The most trivial of matters
Have some people mad as hatters
And these “War on Christmas” Starbucks cups have got me seeing red!

See, I ordered up a Venti
(Twenty ounces, which is plenty)
It was slightly over-roasted, and exorbitantly priced
But the paper cup they gave me
Made no real attempt to save me
It’s supposed to be a Christmas cup—but where was Jesus Christ?

As we move from Fall to Winter
Starbucks should have told their printer
To put Jesus on their coffee cups, to celebrate His birth!
Their refusal to appease us
With some vector art of Jesus
Means they’ve taken sides with Satan, in opposing Peace On Earth

It’s not simply Starbucks-hatin’
This is Jesus versus Satan
Not mere tempest in a coffee cup, but real, important stuff!
We need Christmas saturation
All across this Christian nation
Cos the current 99 percent is clearly not enough!

It’s too early for Christmas, war or otherwise. So I won’t link to the dozen or so other war on christmas verses… but come to think of it, they are tagged, so they are easy to find.


  1. PatrickG says

    vector art of Jesus

    Finally, an explanation for Klingon Jesus — it was badly executed vector art!

    (Anyways, that snippet really tickled me)

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