The Grinch And The Atheist (or, revisionist history down in Whoville)

The Grinch hated Christmas, and all its abuses,
But blamed just himself—he would make no excuses—
They told him (naïve, he had no need to doubt)
That his undersized heart—that was what it’s about.
The Christians could claim the town square as their own;
They could feast on roast beast and not throw him a bone.
The Grinch blamed himself; he’d accepted the dictum
That framed him as villain while truly the victim.

The Whovian Christians just giggled and chattered
They’d gotten their wishes, and nothing else mattered;
If someone (the Grinch) thought their season was folly
They’d double down, claiming that Jesus was jolly!
No reasonable person had cause to complain—
Why, Christmas gives pleasure! It never gives pain!
If Christmas is something that bugs you at all,
It must be your heart is two sizes too small!

A heart less than “small”—why, it’s more “Lilliputian”
(In Who-Ville, you see, there is no Constitution—
No wall, separating the church from the state,
So the reason for not loving Christmas is… hate).
But… wait. We’re not Whos. We’re not stuck in some fiction;
Our real-life complaints are no artist’s depiction!
It could be, our love for our neighbor or friend, meant
We’re not “anti-Christmas”, but “pro-First-Amendment”!

Our hearts are not small; we’re not selfish or greedy,
We help out the poor, and we give to the needy,
We love one another whatever the season
We don’t need religion to give us a reason
But yes, if you’re looking at staking some claim,
That good only happens in Jesus’s name,
Your bluff will be called. It’s a lie, nothing more.
A religious objection is grounds to ignore.

A heart that’s described as “two sizes too small”
Is the Christian excuse as the cause of it all—
The reason that Christmas is sometimes unloved
Is, it’s sometimes “presented”, but more often “shoved”
Three months it’s in stores, but it’s under attack?
So the War Against Christmas can cut us some slack
And as for the “Christmas display” at Town Hall?
If there’s room there for one, better make room for all!

Yeah, well, my aggregator pointed me to a cartoon. Actually, to a complaint about a cartoon. For those who don’t want to click through, the cartoon features the Grinch and a generic white man labeled “American Atheists, Inc.”, both stuffing their sacks full of Christmas goodies (oddly enough, the Grinch is stealing the presents and decorations he has become a contributer to, while the AA guy is stealing the nativity scene, which the Grinch completely ignores. The Grinch is saying “I have a heart two sizes too small–what’s your excuse?”

It’s the perfect cartoon for those who spend ten months a year pretending to love a constitution they have never read, and two months ignoring that constitution in favor of a bible they have never read.


  1. Linda Grilli Calhoun says

    “Why, Christmas gives pleasure! It never gives pain!”

    The last year I worked in public mental health, I was on call. I spent Christmas day and the two days after with no food, and no sleep. The siege started with a successful suicide. I then proceeded, for the next three days, to put thirteen people in the hospital.

    Because the last one was Native American, I had to accompany the transport to an IHS hospital sixty-five miles away. When I got back, a friend whose family owned a restaurant said to me, “Jeez, you look terrible.” He offered to cook me some food. I feel asleep on the restaurant kitchen floor (after hours) while he was making me a cheeseburger.

    That kind of permanently soured me on Christmas. L

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