Trump’s Plan

Republican stalwarts won’t mention “Convention”
Without saying prayers—at least knocking on wood—
It isn’t supposed to be “open”; they’re hopin’
The voters eliminate Trump, as they should
The problem is, Trump’s an attraction—some fraction
Of GOP voters think Trump is the GOAT
In races where Trump has contested, he’s bested
The party elites (when they’ve split up the vote)

Majority rules, but no “most” means no boasting
Most voted against you (if that’s what they meant).
Plurality? Yes—so, “I’m leading!”, Trump’s pleading
Though never quite gathering fifty percent
So…rewrite the rule-book! Hey, fuck it, let’s chuck it!
The toxic plurality’s coming to town!
It’s not such a bad thing, to riot—let’s try it!
We’re heading to Cleveland… to burn the place down.

Honestly, I have given up predictions. This verse was inspired by the Donald’s innocent remark (or barely veiled threat) that “I think you’d have riots” if he doesn’t get the nomination, assuming he comes to Cleveland with a plurality of GOP primary votes. Of course, having only a plurality of votes means that the majority of primary voters did *not* choose you, so (by some accounts) this is what the GOP is hoping for. Without an outright majority, anything could happen.

Near as I can tell, there are no good options among GOP possibilities. None. None. So if they implode in Cleveland, my only concern is that they don’t damage the reputation of the Browns. Who, as horrible as they are (I am a Browns fan), are better than anything the GOP is contemplating.


  1. Cuttlefish says

    I should probably mention, since it was not that long ago that I learned it… GOAT = greatest of all time.

  2. Cuttlefish says

    Well, there is some thought that he has cloven hooves…

    “I look down towards his feet; but that’s a fable”
    Othello, V.ii.286

  3. moarscienceplz says

    Near as I can tell, there are no good options among GOP possibilities. None. None.

    From my vantage, there haven’t been any good options among GOP possibilities in over a century. Burn the party down, and start over.

  4. Die Anyway says

    Fortunately there’s a spate of new craft breweries opening around here. I have a feeling I’m going to be needing them.

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