I heard the TV preacher say,
Without a trace of hate
“When Jesus sees a tragedy
He likes to show up late.
He likes to wait till things have gone
From bad to much, much worse,
To demonstrate to everyone
He runs the universe.”
Disaster strikes, and people ask
How bad it’s going to get—
In pain, afraid, they pray to God
But Jesus says “not yet.”
Almighty Christ could calm the storm
And heal the injured quick
He likes to make an entrance, though,
Cos Jesus is a dick.
The sanctity of suffering?
The cleansing pow’r of pain?
Excuses by apologists—
The gospels make it plain
When people are in trouble
And it’s time to get to work
You can count on Christ to clock in late…
Cos Jesus is a jerk.
So I turned on the TV this morning, and (you know, because Christianity is being silenced everywhere) it was one of those Sunday morning sermon shows, in this case from Jubilee Christian Church. The preacher was speaking of the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead; in this interpretation, Jesus hears that Laz is in trouble, but rather than hurrying to his side, he casually mentions to a couple of companions that this was all going to work out for the glory of God… then waits until everyone thinks it’s too late (Lazarus has died, after all), then zaps his buddy back to life.
The preacher likened it to “making an entrance”. Not wanting to fix a problem until it was a worthwhile challenge, something that would really bring glory. After all, preventing suffering is an invisible trick. No one can see it, so there’s no praise or adulation. But wait until someone is in their final death throes, in mortal agony, or later, and then step in? They’ll write books about you. They’ll talk about you on TV some 20 centuries later.
Of course, this is not a terribly flattering picture of Jesus, so I had to keep watching to see where this was going… and… Bingo! “Mysterious ways”, chronos vs cheiros, have faith that Jesus is doing what is in our best interest. Mind you, the egotistic picture of Jesus the preacher had just painted would be completely consistent with a Bully Jesus, dunking humanity’s head in the toilet and asking us to praise him for pulling it out just before we drown.
But of course, if that’s the way Jesus is, then we’d all better praise him, and pretend we believe the “mysterious ways” Jesus, cos He might get mad, and pull out the Divine Noogies.
Strangely, the show being only half an hour long, the sermon was cut off in the middle of “God’s time (cheiros) vs our time (chronos)”, so I’ll have to wait until next week to see if Jesus turns out to be the good guy or the bad guy.
I think I’ll sleep in.
Edit: Mysterious Ways…