Footprints In The Sand…

Red State Jesus and Blue State Jesus
Were walking along, on the beach;
Discussing the issues, the fervent opinions,
And policies favored by each.

Blue State Jesus and Red State Jesus
Had two very different lists
But you won’t find their footsteps at all, in the sand
Because neither one fucking exists.

So CNN has a weird story/survey up, in which you can test whether you believe in Red State Jesus or Blue State Jesus.

If elections are about choices, so is faith. And in Christianity, liberals and conservatives choose to see Jesus in different ways. Some liberals see Jesus as a champion of the poor who would support raising taxes on the wealthy, while some conservatives think Jesus would be more concerned with opposing abortion and same-sex marriage.

and the survey?

Perhaps most Christians follow not one Jesus, but many — including a bit of a red state Jesus and a bit of a blue state Jesus. We consulted several pastors and religion professors to come up with this voter’s guide to Jesus. Answer these questions, click “Submit” and see where you fall on the red state-blue state Jesus scale:

So… how did I do? I didn’t believe in either–I could not, in good conscience, click on either option of any of the ten questions.


  1. Cuttlefish says

    I am a pollster’s nightmare. I’m in a swing state, so I get to talk to a *lot* of pollsters, and I tell them when their questions are bad. So far, about half of the calls have had horrible questions; to their credit, the callers have agreed; hey, they are only in it for a paycheck.

    These questions didn’t even have that option for me. So yeah, while Mel was obsessed, I couldn’t check it, because my true answer was “who gives a flying fuck?”.

  2. davem says

    You don’t have to believe in Jesus to answer, any more than you believe in Harry Potter. Just answer the questions, which are based on a well-known work of fiction. Mine’s very, very blue, but then I’ve understood the obvious clues in the book.

  3. Linda Grilli Calhoun says

    “Perhaps most Christians follow not one Jesus, but many…”

    Each Christian follows his or her own Jesus – the one he or she personally invented to agree on everything with him or her.

    I have said many times that I will take them seriously when most of them agree with EACH OTHER. I’m safe, though; I know it’s never going to happen. L

  4. F says

    Mine’s very, very blue, but then I’ve understood the obvious clues in the book.

    Wait – we’re you playing Myst?

  5. lorn says

    Most troubling … I don’t know anything about any red or blue Jesus. Many years ago we used to make a concoction we called Purple Jesus. The particulars of the formula varied but always included Grape Funny Face, anyone remember Funny Face?

    The formula was to get a five gallon container, a five gallon Igloo drink cooler is ideal but a clean five gallon bucket will work. Add to this citrus and/or tropical fruit cut and mashed to make mixing easier. Pour in great amounts of any available alcoholic beverages. Rum, tequila, grain alcohol, gin and vodka are all good and darker spirits may be used to add flavor. Wines are generally acceptable but care must be taken to assure that flavors blend well. Frequent tasting may be both pleasurable and necessary.

    Several packages of Grape Funny Face may be required to assure an even color and flavor. Water and ice are added to mellow the flavor and control the ‘bite’.

    Purple Jesus is a reliable and welcome addition to any casual festivity. Dedicated worship at the alter of Purple Jesus can trigger a kind of profound religious experience. The following morning sometimes brings a less joyful experience.

  6. brucegee1962 says

    Interesting what you say about polls, Cuttlefish. I live in a swing state too, and I’ve never been asked for my opinion once. Maybe that comes from not having a land line?

    I knew that in the last election, they were worried that the non-landline users weren’t getting polled. I’d kind of assumed that had been fixed by now. If it hasn’t, I wouldn’t give much for the validity of any polls these days.

  7. The Ridger says

    Yep. You pretty much need to add “who have a landline and answer from ‘number unavailable'” to the end of any thing like “likely voters” or “undecided voters” in a poll. Me, I live it true-blue Maryland so I probably wouldn’t have gotten many pollsters calling anyway, but I don’t answer my phone if I don’t know the number. If they don’t want to leave me voice mail, I don’t want to talk to them).

  8. Linda Grilli Calhoun says

    To Bruce @ #8: The reason that cellphone holders are not polled is because it’s illegal.

    The reason it’s illegal is because the owner would have to pay for the call.

    There’s no change on the horizon. Cellphone-only people would probably be overwhelmingly Democratic, so if the actual election results are very skewed in that direction and polling is shown to be very inaccurate, it’s possible that the law could be changed, but I doubt it. L

  9. Die Anyway says

    Apparently I believe in a blue jesus. Mostly I just answered randomly while checking out the survey.

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