I’ve gotten a few comments and other sorts of feedback on yesterday’s verse from the old blog, and since today is such a busy day, I’m just going to throw two additional old “I thought I saw an atheist” posts up, with contexts and all, from the old place. The verse form lends itself to these things, and two incidents came up which needed commenting on.
After the jump:
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I thought I saw an atheist, once, walking down the street.
I checked for horns, I checked for tail, I checked for cloven feet;
Began to tremble frightfully—my heart was in my throat—
Then sighed in happy recognition, for ‘twas but a goat.
I thought I saw an atheist, down near a swollen stream
With scaly skin, and blood so cold, I couldn’t breathe to scream!
I looked into his bulging eyes, and prayed “God, grant my wish”
Then laughed in my embarrassment—it only was a fish.
I thought I saw an atheist, with fur and pointed claws,
And wicked teeth for chewing up Judeo-Christian laws,
I ran, and tripped, and fell to earth, then hid behind a log—
It caught me, though, and licked my face—of course, it was a dog.
I thought I saw an atheist, though cleverly disguised
Not giant and reptilian, but human, normal sized,
It looked to be engaging in productive, useful labor;
But no, this was no atheist—this person was my neighbor!
I thought I saw an atheist; in fact, I saw a few!
My neighbor, and the grocer, and the cop, and maybe you!
I even found some in the church, right there beneath the steeple;
It turns out, to my great surprise… that atheists are people.
A few comments after the jump:
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When the candidates go on the air
Perry no longer plans to be there
All of Texas is burning
So the governor’s yearning
To fly back and flood it with prayer
Headline: Rick Perry pulls out of S.C. forum due to Texas wildfires
Texas is in desperate need of rain. If only God didn’t demonstrably hate Rick Perry.
If you’re looking for salvation, you don’t have to go to church
It’s the age of the computer, you can type it in and search
And you’ll find the words of Jesus from the comfort of your perch
Whether honest absolution, or you’d rather just pretend
Go to Facebook, and get Jesus as your friend
In a time of pain and trouble, one occasionally seeks
Words of comfort and support—the sort of thing that Jesus speaks
Wrapped in widdle kitty pictures! Hey, it’s marketing techniques
Cast your troubles to the internets, just close your eyes and “send”
Go to Facebook, and get Jesus as your friend
It’s a service to the people, and now millions daily try it
You would have to be a cynic to condemn it or deny it
And of course they’ll sell you supplements to help you with your diet
If you need someone to help you, and on whom you can depend
Go to Facebook, and get Jesus as your friend
It’s the minimum of effort; you can “like” Him with a click
He will comfort you in sorrow; maybe heal you if you’re sick
Or his answer might be “not today”—remember, that’s his schtick
It’s a saccharine collection of the worst stuff ever penned
But on Facebook, you’ve got Jesus as your friend
You are battling with cancer; you have bills you need to pay
You’ve been laid off at the factory; your spouse just ran away
There’s a list of looming problems, growing longer every day
Your relationships are rocky and your marriage at an end
But on Facebook, you’ve got Jesus as your friend
Thoughts, after the jump:
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So they don’t go the way of the dinos
Or so many more species that I knows
We’ll try cloning, or stem cells,
To make more of them cells,
The ones that grow up to be rhinos
Headline: Endangered species set for stem cell rescue
Good luck to them!
By request.
My faithful friends were wondering,
And I was wondering, too,
When atheists get together—
Just what all do they do?
They have no common purpose,
And so I find it odd,
To think they join together
And talk about “no god”.
My faithful friends were arguing,
I made my case as well,
Which people went to Heaven
And which ones went to Hell.
Which version of our Holy Book
Is better than the rest,
And, ultimately, which of our
Religions was the best.
My faithful friends were fighting
And I, too, joined the fight
God’s Holy Word demanded it
And so we felt it right.
The heretics and infidels
All needed to be taught;
God will not stand for people
Not believing what they ought!
My faithful friends were killing
As we have throughout the years
An internecine battle with
Our brothers and our peers
With countless souls in suffering
And countless hearts in grief
To show that there is nothing
More important than belief
My faithful friends were dying
By the dozens, by the scores
In random city bombings
And in major bloody wars
We lose our lives as instruments
Of God’s own rightful wrath;
And when we’ve gone, our children too
Will follow in our path.
My faithful friends were wondering,
And I was wondering, too,
When atheists get together—
Just what all do they do?
They have no common purpose,
And so I find it odd,
To think they join together
And talk about “no god”.
Inspired by PZ’s post here, and the linked article from The Age, “2500 people with nothing to talk about?”
There are worse things than having nothing to talk about.
I’m the “equal and opposite scientist”
And my thinking is outside the box
I’m the one who knows climate is cooling
And I’m willing to say so on Fox
Metaphorical six-gun for hire
If your story is lacking “both sides”
I can give you an expert opinion
From somebody with real bona fides
An idea outside of the mainstream
Needs a face with a real Ph. D.
If there’s nobody else in your corner
For a price, there can always be me
I can give you my expert opinion
Make it sound like an absolute fact
What you need isn’t really an expert
But an expert-ish-type who can act
“Well, the jury’s still out on this issue”
“Yes, but not every expert agrees”
“We’re still waiting for adequate data”
I’ve got dozens of answers like these!
“We don’t know if it’s safe for our children”
“Might have side effects yet to be seen”
“We are messing with powerful forces”
You’re beginning to see what I mean
And when science has reached a consensus
That’s the time that it really gets fun
When it seems there is no opposition
On the news, hey, you only need one
All it takes is one expert opinion
All it takes is one chance to confuse
I’m the “equal and opposite scientist”
I’m the one that you see on the news
When you need to create some confusion
I’m the one you can count on to thank
I’m the “equal and opposite scientist”
And I’m smiling my way to the bank
thoughts, after the jump:
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Though it seems, to most pundits, misguided,
Some scenarios have been provided
It may take all your cunning
To see: is she running?
But Palin says “still undecided”
Headline: Palin still undecided on White House run.
She makes Hamlet look positively brash, in comparison.
The in-house Fox psychiatrist
Has seen his share of crazy
Surrounded by his talking points
His frontal lobe’s gone lazy
He claims he has compassion for
“Transsexual” Chaz Bono
But watching “Dancing with the Stars”
While Chaz is on? A no-no!
If children see Chaz dancing, why,
That glorifies her change!
And children might see sex as something
They can re-arrange!
The siren song of surgery
Must surely be entrancing
If children want to nip and tuck
From merely watching dancing
I guess when Fox was looking for
A television shrink
Ability to bullshit trumped
Ability to think
If children are in danger when
They watch the idiot-box
There’s far, far greater damage if
They watch the news on Fox.
More, after the jump:
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When I walk behind the curtain with my ballot in my hand
There is no one standing looking over me
Why a ballot must be secret, I am sure you understand,
And agree that it’s the way it ought to be
If a stranger or a neighbor could be standing right beside me
Or my union or employer could take notes
Or my pastor, priest, or rabbi could decide they need to guide me
One might wonder who was really casting votes
But in all too many places, while you’re voting in seclusion
Jesus watches you, and helps your soul to search;
The first amendment builds a wall preventing such collusion
So it’s time to get our voting out of church!
Over at our new friend Blue Collar Atheist, Hank Fox writes about the all-too-common phenomenon of voting in churches. It really isn’t a stretch at all to think that the presence of religious symbols would have an effect on voting; something as simple as a photograph of eyes on a wall has effects on people’s behavior. And there is not a lifetime (for some) of experience with those eyes, like there is for the religious symbols, to move behavior in a particular direction.
As Hank Fox notes, it is not unusual for churches to have explicitly held positions on ballot issues. Given the possibility (at least!) of conflict of interest, there is every reason to eliminate the practice of voting in churches.