Idealism in action

From Andy Borowitz at the Borowitz Report

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Acknowledging that the government shutdown was coming to an end, an emotional Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) took to the Senate floor today to make an impassioned speech, telling his colleagues, “The dream of keeping poor people from seeing a doctor must never die.”

His eyes welling up with tears, Sen. Cruz said, “I embarked on this crusade with a simple goal: to keep affordable health care out of the reach of ordinary, hard-working Americans. And while this battle was lost, that dream—that precious, cherished dream—will live on.”

What could make Ted Cruz a better human being? Skepticism?




  1. Funny Diva says

    Wait, you do realize the Borowitz Report is satirical, along the lines of The Onion, right?

    Just checking…

  2. Richard Smith says

    It does make one wonder, sometimes, why people like Cruz never just come out and say what they mean anyways, as it seems the bulk of the people supporting them either know what they’re actually all about, or just don’t care what they say or do, as long as they’re not, you know, different.

  3. says

    What could make Ted Cruz a better human being? Skepticism?

    There’s not enough skepticism to do that. Even if you skinned him and stuffed the empty hide with pure skepticism.

  4. Jackie teh kitteh cuddler says

    It may be satire, but the ring of truth is what makes it funny.

    Except for some reason, I’m not laughing.

  5. Funny Diva says

    Oh, absolutely, Jackie teh kitteh cuddler @7…Mr Poe of “Poe’s Law” was certainly on to something!

  6. Al Dente says

    Richard Smith @3

    Basically Cruz and the rest of the Tea Party have been saying it. I was impressed by one Tea Partier who admitted that they wanted to kill Obamacare before it went into effect because they were afraid it would become too popular for them to kill later. Such admissions of truth are rare among the Tea Party.

  7. Richard Smith says

    Al Dente (#9)

    They may have been honest in what they intended (i.e., killing Obamacare), but they’re very seldom, if ever, honest about the why. The concern over when to kill it still doesn’t explain why it should be killed at all. They get to win personality points for “honesty” without really saying anything everybody already didn’t know.

  8. says

    OT: Marcus Ranum, just a thought, your comment:

    There’s not enough skepticism to do that. Even if you …

    …was really triggering in its unexpected metaphorical dehumanizing and violence. I know, from reading and having respected many comments from you, that this was almost certainly completely unintentional, and I don’t even really need an apology. Life happens, and I’m a big girl.

    What I would ask in lieu of any apology or anything, if I might, is that in future when commenting publicly, you consider whether a graphically violent metaphor or image is really warranted or necessary, given the risk of being triggering to people who are survivors of various types of violence.

    Thanks for considering it, as previous interaction leads me to suggest you will in good faith. If you decide differently from me, well, that’s up to you, and I won’t be haranguing you about it, I just might be more careful about reading comments you make. But I think if I’ve read you right, I can feel confident you’ll give it real thought if you’re asked, so I feel safe in saying thanks for thinking it over. 🙂

  9. says

    What I would suggest is just making it more unmistakably figurative – I think “stuffing him with” is fine; it’s the “skinning” that’s a bit [cough].

  10. says

    Thanks, OB, yes, that was the objectionable part. I was stepping around so as not to make my own flashbacks worse, thanks for filling the hole I’d had to leave. 🙂

    Even “emptying” would have avoided the issue, for me at least. And again, I totally know that Marcus is one of the good guys, and don’t have any concern that he’d hear this badly. Thanks for the clarification, OB.

  11. says

    It’s late October; Halloween approaches. I seem to be the only person I know who doesn’t find it festive to see things like giant images of zombies pasted to windows of pleasant ordinary houses around my neighborhood. Blegh.

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