I don’t listen to country music, that would be obvious to anyone paying attention to my musical choices every day. Bluegrass, sometimes. Rockabilly, yeah. Keith Urban’s choice of a song to perform just added yet another reason onto my pile of reasons for not listening to country music. The song was not written by him, it was written by Shane McAnally, Ross Copperman, and Nicolle Galyon. Yes, it took three whole people to write this…song.

When you hear somebody say somebody hits like a girl
How does that hit you?
Is that such a bad thing?
When you hear a song that they play saying you run the world*
Do you believe it?
Will you live to see it?

*A reference to a Beyoncé song.

[Chorus]
Sister, shoulder
Daughter, lover
Healer, broken halo
Mother nature
Fire, suit of armor
Soul survivor, Holy Water
Secret keeper, fortune teller
Virgin Mary, scarlet letter
Technicolor river wild
Baby girl, women shine
Female

Ummm, some of those words don’t belong together. A whole lot of those words just don’t belong, period. ‘Baby girl’? Really? Hmmm. Oh look, it’s the madonna/whore thing again. Gee, that’s all kind of old and tired. I can’t imagine these people patting themselves on the back for this dreck. How was this written? Mad Lib Songwriting?

When somebody laughs and implies that she asked for it
Just cause she was wearing a skirt
Now is that how it works?
When somebody talks about how it was Adam first
Does that make you second best?
Or did he save the best for last?

Sigh. I think I’ll go pound my head into a concrete block.

Repeat the awful chorus here.

[Refrain]
Yeah
Female

[Bridge]
She’s the heart of life
She’s the dreamer’s dream
She’s the hands of time
She’s the queen of kings

Yeah, no. No, no, no. Just a different version of making women less than real, mystical, and up on another weird-ass pedestal. We’re people. Regular, typical people. We even fart and burp, oh my! And if I’m the hands of bloody time, why can’t I turn the clock back? I’m staring at 60 here.

Repeat the awful chorus again.

[Outro]
Mhm
Female

This um, song, was supposedly written in response to the Weinstein allegations. I, uh, I can’t even. Just can’t. As for Mr. Urban, who I had never heard of until today:

I think it’s just time for a recalibrating of the past, you know? Things have been a certain way for a long, long time, and I think you’re seeing a turning of the tide for that. This song just spoke to me. I just wanted to get in and record it right away. I am surrounded by females in my life. I grew up in a house with boys, no sisters. Now I am in a house that’s all girls. So this song speaks to me on a lot of levels.

Oh gods. No. No, you’re not helping. That ‘song’ is not helping. Not at all.

From all over the internet. Lyrics from here.