Home Stretch »« Headline Muse, 10/18

Fred Karger For President

Technically, Ron Paul was the first candidate to file for New Hampshire’s “first in the nation” primary (date, to be decided, after everybody else jostles for an early time. It might be next week.). But in the Granite State, Real Candidates file in person. And the first candidate to file in person was… *drum roll* …Fred Karger.

That’s right, Fred Karger. That Fred Karger. The one 99.99% of NH voters have never heard of. That’s one reason he’s getting the much sought-after Cuttlefish recommendation.

Lemme ‘splain. After the jump:

I (the meatspace me, not Cuttlefish) have received votes in both the primaries and general elections, going back at least two decades. I would never vote for myself, but I offered up my name to any student who said “I’m withholding my vote as a protest.” It is impossible to distinguish between a vote withheld by protest and a voter to lazy or ignorant to go to the polls; I told my students that if they truly wanted to protest, write me in and have anyone else do the same, if they honestly wanted to protest. If they just couldn’t be bothered, I told them to actually take some time and choose a candidate. Or, hell, I’d choose one for them. But if they wanted to send a message…

This year, Fred is the message.

Imagine. Primary election night. Talking heads around the country are all after “the story”. Depending on who is the flavor of the week, somebody wins. It’s usually very predictable. And somebody does better than they should, and somebody does worse. But just think of the story, think of the narrative, if Fred Karger gets more votes than, say, Huntsman (chosen because he is apparently sane, and thus holds last place among the “real” candidates). Imagine the headlines if Fred Karger somehow gets more votes than the Newt. The reporters would be all over him. His story would eclipse the winner’s.

And his story is gold.

No, he’s not perfect. But… he’s the only openly gay candidate. He’s in favor of same-sex marriage. He’s a firm believer in a woman’s right to choose. He’s in favor of energy conservation and exploration of alternative energy sources. He’s… Here, you can see for yourself. No, not perfect, but could you ask for a better protest candidate in the GOP? He’s even got a scan of his birth certificate on his site. What’s not to love about this man?!?!?

And he’s not a write-in. He’s a legitimate candidate for the presidency, at least in New Hampshire. He’s… perfect.

I am hereby withdrawing my own run for office (yeah, I’ll still accept campaign contributions), and am throwing my support behind Fred Karger.

Ok…

No, he won’t win. He won’t do well. But a solid protest vote for Karger only needs a few hundred votes to beat the lowest of the mainstream, and that is not unreasonable. The odds are against it. But what sort of But what sort of oddsmaker would throw this GOP field together?

There is no better time for Karger than now. There is no better person for now than Karger.

I am serious as a heart attack. And so is the election. Fred Karger is our first best chance to send a real message to the GOP.

Vote Karger, whenever the hell New Hampshire finally decides its primary will be! (once they decide, that slogan will likely be a bit catchier.)

Comments

  1. astrosmash says

    He’s not a republican. Not even a fiscal one. Their “fiscal responsibilty” stance turned out to be a fraud anyhow. All his policies otherwise would map out as WAY left in our current climate.

  2. Cuttlefish says

    He’s filed for the Republican primary, so he’s Republican enough to serve my purposes.

  3. Cranapple says

    One of the best things about voting in NH is the line to register for a party before voting in a primary election… which swiftly becomes a line to un-register from said party once you’re done voting.

    I’ll be briefly registering as a Republican so I can vote in the primary, thanks for the heads up on Karger.

    Also, I’m pretty sure I live in a town right next to Cuttle-University. If I ever meet you, “meatspace” Cuttlefish, I owe you a beer.

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