The demon-haunted world of Illinois


Illinois legalizes same-sex marriage, with governor Pat Quinn signing the legislation into law on Wednesday. The law will go into effect on June 1, 2014. Hawaii’s legislature has also passed a similar measure and its governor signed it into law on Wednesday too. So the two of them become the 15th and 16th states to legalize such marriages. Since both laws were signed on the same day but Hawaii’s law takes effect on December 2, 2013, it may be listed as the 15th state and Illinois as the 16th.

Of course, both occasions were greeted with protests by religious people who feel that their religious freedom is being infringed upon because the laws did not take into account their weird fears, which as usual took the form of “Will no one consider the children?”

One person wrote:

“We’ve seen how marriage redefinition leads to those who believe in traditional marriage being punished, labeled ‘bigots’ and ‘haters’ in the public square, and forced to be silent about their deeply held beliefs or face repercussions. And their children? They’re taught in schools that the values planted in them at home are bigoted and outdated, the equivalent of racism!” Brian Brown wrote in a blog post.

Another person said:

“Is a kindergarten teacher going to be forced, even though she is an evangelical Christian, to teach children that same sex relationships are the same as opposite sex marriages?” Breen said. “My great fear is that by taking away the maleness and femaleness we’re going to lose that message that moms and dads together are important for raising children.”

But the award for the most over-the-top response has to go to Thomas John Paprocki, the bishop of Springfield, Illinois who actually conducted an exorcism to undo the work of the demonic powers that led the people of his state into this abomination.

Before a mostly full cathedral, the head of the capital city’s Roman Catholic flock looked both to the heavens and to Gov. Pat Quinn’s bill-signing ceremony for same-sex marriage Wednesday and uttered three words in Latin: “I exorcise you.”

In justifying the exorcism service, which started a half hour after Quinn’s bill-signing ceremony, Paprocki said, “God is asking me to speak out and give these prayers.” The bishop also insisted the church embraces chaste gays and lesbians, even while abhorring same-sex marriage.

I have to say that I heartily approve of this exorcism and hope that more catholic clergy follow Paprocki’s example and that exorcisms are held everywhere. By linking opposition to same-sex marriage to one of the most laughable but ancient practices of the church, the bishop is cementing the idea that opposition to same-sex marriage is a medieval attitude that has no place in the modern world.

Comments

  1. raven says

    My old church didn’t really believe in demons or satan and hell for that matter.

    Which means whenever I hear some superstitious fundie (or Catholic) going on about demons (which are very in these days among the Dark Ages crowd), it is like someone complaining about the Faires.

    The Fairies picked all my poppies!!! The Fairies stole the dog’s dish!!!

    Or complaining about Vampires, Brownies, Elves, Orcs, or how the Leprechauns keep moving their pot of gold.

  2. Kathleen McNamara says

    That exorcism prayer is actually a lot more mundane than a “real” exorcism, as portrayed with demonic possession in movies. It is a prayer for protection from evil, and gets used more than you would think.

  3. Chiroptera says

    And their children? They’re taught in schools that the values planted in them at home are bigoted and outdated….

    Wait, what? Aren’t these the cretins were keep insisting that schools teach kids values? I guess it’s not so much fun if it isn’t their values, is it?

    “Is a kindergarten teacher going to be forced, even though she is an evangelical Christian, to teach children that same sex relationships are the same as opposite sex marriages?”

    Well, I would expect that he or she would not be allowed to create a hostile learning environment for his or her students based on his or her bigotry. If that counts as teaching “that same sex relationships are the same as opposite sex marriages,” then that’s a good thing!

  4. Al Dente says

    The demon-haunted world of Illinois

    It isn’t now since Paprocki did his duty to exorcise all the demons. Or does his demon casting-outage only work in the diocese of Springfield?

  5. raven says

    It isn’t now since Paprocki did his duty to exorcise all the demons.

    You don’t quite understand Sophisticated Theology.

    Demon exorcisms are like mowing the lawn. They will be back in a week.

  6. hyphenman says

    Good afternoon Mano,

    I have to say that the first quote is, sadly, most likely a fair assessment of what is to follow and very similar to the reasoning of outdated, bigoted and racist thinking prevalent during the early days of the Post WWII struggle for Civil Rights and the repeal of Anti-miscegenation laws.

    Teenagers openly denigrate their fellow students for holding racist, bigoted and homophobic ideals.

    Blame, however, does go to the parents who have instilled those heinous ideals in children who are not yet prepared to hold beliefs different from those they’re taught.

    In the vein of catching more flies with sugar than vinegar, I’ve talked with students to consul them to vary their approach to educating other students to broaden their world view.

    This will be a process, a painful one for some, but history has shown that the process works.

    Do all you can to make today a good day,

    Jeff

  7. raven says

    My old church didn’t really believe in demons or satan and hell for that matter.

    There was a good reason for that. If you try to make sense out of xianity, you can’t do it. It’s incoherent and contradictory.

    God, the all powerful creator, created the demons, satan, and hell. As the controlling entity, he lets them run around doing whatever they do. Which means the demons are employees of god.

    You can fix that problem if you assume that they are what they appear to be. Ancient superstition.

  8. justsomeguy says

    Harken to my voice, heroes! I seek a team to brave the hell-scorched wastes of the Land of Illinois and face the demonic creatures that dwell within! The faint of heart and weak of body need not apply, for this shall be a most perilous quest, to be undertaken only by a group of four adventurers level 10-12. We’ve got a pally and a frost mage already, so an archer would be a good addition; we could also use another front-line fighter or another healer, because we all know from last time that the paladin can do one or the other at a time, but not both.

    Yeah, I dropped character halfway through that paragraph. Deal with it.

  9. debbaasseerr says

    The bishop also insisted the church embraces chaste gays and lesbians, even while abhorring same-sex marriage.

    I remember hearing a version of that from the priest in church as my first serious “wait what?” moment. In retrospect, the spark of doubt that caused was fairly slow burning, but it never went out. God has a plan for everyone, and that plan is for some people to be gay and just never have sex. Or else! I hadn’t even started to go through puberty yet, and that seemed shockingly cruel.

  10. Acolyte of Sagan says

    They’re taught in schools that the values planted in them at home are bigoted and outdated, the equivalent of racism!”

    And still the penny doesn’t drop.

  11. says

    justsomeguy, I was thinking we call in Sam and Dean, let them know they need to put together a team of hunters who’ve got experience with demons, do a short training camp, and then head to Chicago to get some Latin and fightin’ in.

    But hang on, wasn’t he looking at the sky for part of this? Was he exorcising the skywizard maybe? Maybe he’s just new at this?

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