Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
It’s true — the cracker incident is still dribbling on in my mailbox. The email is down in volume considerably — only a few dozen angry letters a day. I’m still getting a handful of actual letters every day, and those are both comical and pathetic. Usually, they’re an announcement of some ceremony that was carried out to rescue me from evil. I’ve also got lots of pamphlets and even a couple of books about ‘eucharistic miracles’, which aren’t having the effect the senders intend, I’m sure — all they do is demonstrate a greater depth of insanity than I had previously imagined.
I’ve tossed a few of the recent letters below the fold for your amusement.
Once upon a time, Charles Darwin crossed the equator in the Beagle, and he received the traditional hazing:
We have crossed the Equator. I have undergone the disagreeable sensation operation of being shaved. About 9 oclock this morning we poor “griffins” two and thirty in number, were put altogether on the lower deck. The hatchways were battened down, so we were in the dark and very hot. Presently four of Neptunes constables came to us, and one by one led us up on deck. I was the first and escaped easily: I nevertheless found this watery ordeal sufficiently disagreeable. Before coming up, the constable blindfolded me and thus lead along, buckets of water were thundered all around; I was then placed on a plank, which could be easily tilted up into a large bath of water. They then lathered my face and mouth with pitch and paint, and scraped some of it off with a piece of roughened iron hoop, a signal being given I was tilted head over heels into the water, where two men received me and ducked me. At last, glad enough, I escaped, most of the others were treated much worse, dirty mixtures being put in their mouths and rubbed on their faces. The whole ship was a shower bath: and water was flying about in every direction: of course not one person, even the Captain, got clear of being wet through.
On our cruise to the Galápagos, we also got a much, much milder version of the hazing, a night with King Neptune, who chose a queen (Susan Hurst in this case), and then made a few of us do very silly things. The movie below has pirates with charming Ecuadorian accents, King Neptune, and absurd rituals, but the real highlight of this video, though, is getting to see Phil Plait do the mating dance of the blue-footed booby (about 6’30” in).
For extortion purposes, I do have a higher resolution copy of this video. Maybe it should make an appearance at the next TAM…mwahahahahaha!
Any science journalists out there? You might not want to read this webcomic. The rest of you…sure, go have a laugh. It’s rather accurate.
In reaction to the Freedom from Religion Foundation’s billboards, FoxNews asks, “What’s your reaction to the ‘Imagine No Religion’ billboards?”. Unfortunately, you only get your choice of two poor answers: “I’m not offended…it’s free speech” and “I’m offended…America needs religion”. What about “I’m offended…but it’s free speech”?
Sadly, “America needs religion”, the worst of the two, is currently leading with 56% of the vote.
An elementary school in Missouri has been allowing the Gideons to distribute bibles to students on their lunch hour. It’s crazy stupid, a clear violation of the separation of church and state (not that fundie churches care about that anymore). Fortunately, Americans United is on the ball.
In its brief, AU asserts that the U.S. Supreme Court has held that school district promotion of religion puts pressure on nonbelievers or dissenters and is unconstitutional.
“In the cafeteria, students who choose to take Bibles and those who choose not to will be visible to much, if not all, of the student community — a prospect made more likely given the school’s small size, 427 students,” the brief said. “Any child visibly ignoring the availability of the Bibles or returning to class empty-handed will stand out to his peers and thus feel pressured to take a Bible.”
The Gideons distribute the Bibles “to encourage the children to accept Christ as their personal savior.” The Bibles distributed at South Iron also include a place for students to sign under the written statement: “My Decision to Receive Christ as My Savior.”
That’s a sound, frequently-used strategy. May I suggest another? Next time the Gideons invade the school, dispatch a crack team of radical atheists to the lunch room to:
Show students where the racy/violent parts of the bible are.
Teach them how to fold an origami pigasus from the pages.
For students with less dexterity, to referee paper airplane flying contests.
Let’s teach students to disrespect foolishness!
But if you want to do a little something to tweak the noses of the Religious Right, the American Patriarchy Association has called for a letter writing campaign. It seems that Hallmark Greeting Cards are peddling a line of gay-friendly cards, which irks poor little Donald Wildmon something fierce. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because they’re cute, stylish, and witty, but at the same time he’s afraid to mail a coming-out card to his Mom?
Anyway, Wildmon is asking his flock to send negative letters to Hallmark. How about taking a moment to send the very best to thank Hallmark for being non-discriminatory? Use the AFA’s form, or email directly to Donald J. Hall.
Bonus action! Since poor Don is having a snit over being left out, maybe we can make it up to him. Next time you’re in a store with the gay greeting cards, buy one! Make Hallmark happy by giving them a little money. Then the fun part: send it to Don! I’m sure he’ll appreciate a coming-out card or gay wedding announcement. Do it even if you aren’t gay or aren’t getting married — it’s the thought that counts, you know.
Here’s his address:
Donald E Wildmon
AFA
PO Drawer 2440
107 Parkgate Drive
Tupelo, MS 38803
Just watch. With this outpouring of love and happiness, Don’s heart will grow three sizes that day, and he’ll realize that love is love and he doesn’t have to dictate who may share their love, and that his love for his wife (or his dog or George W. Bush) is not diminished if two other people of the same sex care for each other.
The first day of classes is on Wednesday.
<insert long despairing wail here>
I have to get ready now, so life is going to be a bit frantic for a few days. This term I’ll be teaching Developmental Biology, a fun class and not a problem right now, and I’ll also be teaching our intro course, Fundamentals of Genetics, Evolution, and Development. That’s going to be a bit more work; it was taught for the first time last year, and it still needs some fine-tuning.
Then, just because my semester isn’t crazy enough, there are travel plans. I’m losing a lot of weekends this term. Here’s the rough schedule for the year, which will probably expand as time goes by:
7 September: Minneapolis, Minnesota
12 September: Denver, Colorado
19 September: Madison, Wisconsin
25 September: Long Beach, California
31 October: Toronto, Ontario
13 November: Kearney, Nebraska
20 November: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
30 January: Edmonton, Alberta
mid-February: Greencastle, Indiana (tentative)
22 April: Ashland, Oregon
If I’m not in your area sometime, don’t fault me, I’m trying. Now, where are all the invitations to speak in Australia and Hawaii? Why isn’t the deep South asking me to come on down?
