Ave atque vale

I’m a fan of the comic strip Lio — the one with the weird little kid with the pet squid and whose antics clearly make him a descendant of the Addams Family. The strip for Christmas eve was a little different, though.

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It hit home for me because the day after Christmas is my day of melancholy. It was the day after Christmas, 1993, that I got a phone call from my mother to let me know that Dad had died, unexpectedly, suddenly, quietly. It’s a memory that colors my holiday season every year, and it’s a strange thing — the grief and sadness never go away. One of the lies we always tell ourselves is that the pain will go away with time, that we’ll get over it, that time heals all wounds, and it’s not true. Every loss is forever raw, and we can feel it all again with just a thought or a reminder, like a Christmas phone call to the family. The older you get, the more of these moments of grief you accumulate, and they never leave you.

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Bad idea, putting me on a poll

It’s just a silly online poll, and I don’t have a stake in how it comes out one way or the other, except for one thing: I must defeat Brad Pitt. I like the guy, and I’ve enjoyed his movies, and I’m happy that he’s come out as an atheist, but you know…I’m looking forward to being able to go into the bedroom and tell the Trophy Wife™ that I’m better than Brad Pitt at something. And she will say, “I know, baby, I know,” no matter what, but it would just be nice to have some statistical backing for the claim.

Atheist of the Year 2009

Richard Dawkins
32%
Bill Maher
15%
PZ Myers
17%
Greg Epstein
0%
Margaret Downey
13%
Fred Edwords
6%
Brad Pitt
15%

If you all run over there and push Brad Pitt over the top, at least I’ll still be able to demonstrate my superiority in one area with a graphical demonstration of Pitt’s hideous beards.

Anyway, have fun storming the poll, no matter how you vote!

P.S. I just realized that I have a trump card. Even if he beats me on this poll, I’ve still got a more attractive wife than he does. So go ahead, vote however you want, my ego is safe.

Shame on Italy

This is absurd. The Italian National Research Council is sponsoring the publication of a creationist book, titled Evolutionism: The Decline of an Hypothesis. Right away, from the title alone, you can tell that the book has problems: evolution is not a theory in decline, no matter how much the creationists declare it so, but is guiding a thriving research program. The contents are something else, too: apparently, it declares that dinosaurs went extinct just 40,000 years ago, and that radiometric dating is wrong.

Wow. It’s not just a creationist book, but a young earth creationist book. Right away, we can make some predictions about the author. Roberto de Mattei: that he knows nothing about science, and that he’s a political creature.

Bingo.

De Mattei, a political appointee to CNR, teaches the History of Christianity and the Church at the European University in Rome and is president of the Rome- and Washington, D.C.-based Lepanto Foundation, a Catholic group.

You know, when you sponsor a book that proposes to throw out basic physics, chemistry, and biology, you really ought to make sure the author has some chops in those fields.

We’re very traditional around here

THIS. IS. MINNESOTA. We like our Christmases white around here, and it’s not enough just to have a few decorative snowflakes tumble down — we need a blizzard, and that’s what we’re going to get. I was out there in the frigid whiteness earlier today, clearing the driveway and sidewalks, and now I’m all worn out, ready for a good night’s rest. I expect I’ll get up tomorrow to find even more snow piled up everywhere.

Another traditional way to spend the day before the blizzard is to scurry about stocking the larder, and I did a bit of that too…which led to the nicest, sweetest, most heart-warming occurrence. I was listening to the radio, and the announcer came on to mention the coming major snowstorm, and then — O Christmas Joy — began to read off a long, long list of church closures, religious programs cancelled, and Christian events shut down. It was like the Atheist Rapture had come. I felt my heart grow two sizes, and it wasn’t just congestive heart failure brought on by over-exertion.

One more traditional affair to take care of: when I was a young’un in Seattle, on Christmas eve we’d watch the television clown, J.P. Patches, who would always have a little conversation with Santa. It’s not quite Santa, but they’re pretty much the same thing: tonight, from 9-11 Central time, you can tune in to Pacifica radio 90.1 in Houston, Texas, and listen to Scooter chatting with Jesus! Oh, that will make the conservatives so happy, that liberal radio jettisons the secular icon of Santa Claus and goes straight to the founder of their faith. It’s going to be a great Christmas program, and it should be unperturbed by our upper Midwestern blizzard.

Now you may be thinking, “But I’m not in Texas!” This, of course, is yet another reason to praise Jesus. You’re also in luck, because Jesus will be streaming over the interwebs. You can also call in to 713 526 5738 and speak to Jesus — maybe you can tell him what toys you want.

I understood there will also be a Hell Pope of the Subgenius on, so all theological issues will be thoroughly covered.

The reason for the season!

It’s Christmas Eve. You’re probably all busy with holiday preparations, getting together with family, making the traditional dinner, all that secular stuff that makes the day worth celebrating. I know that in the midst of this hustle and bustle you already don’t believe in Santa Claus, but I’m going to ask you to take a quiet, contemplative moment to think about the roots of this day, and don’t believe in Jesus, too.

I know, I’m agreeing with all those crazy Bill O’Reillys and Donald Wildmons and other shrill Christian combatants in the war on Christmas who demand that you acknowledge the “holy” in holiday, but it’s true: the midwinter seasonal holiday was created by people with the superstitious belief that supernatural transitions accompanied natural ones, and these few days are traditionally special because of a belief in their magical importance, and every religion attaches some godly event to the solstice season. It’s why you’ll get a day off on Christmas, which means it was good for something. So just pause, bow your head, and think about Jesus. And reject him.

Also consider God, the Holy Ghost, all the prophets and saints, the angels and demons, the Great Old Ones, any pantheon ever erected in heaven, all the ghosts and boojums, and deny them, every one. Think about all the pious, sanctimonious god-bothers who tell you to worship their dead gods on this day, and tell them, “No.”

You’re free.

Feels good, doesn’t it? Remember the reason for the season, and be sure to go “Ho ho ho!” at it now and then, and let laughter fill your home.

War on Christmas, continued

There is a sign among the various holiday displays at the Illinois state capitol, set there by the Freedom from Religion Foundation.

At the time of the winter solstice, let reason prevail. There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell. There is only our natural world. Religion is just myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.

I like it, but then I would. Somebody else didn’t like it, which is his right, of course…but what he doesn’t have the right to do is to try and tear the sign down. William Kelly, who is also a candidate for state comptroller (he got his cheap publicity), has the standard cowardly excuse: think of the children!

The fact that sign was immediately in front of the tree, I found that to be disturbing because any family and any child would run up to that tree with a smile on their face, and they would immediately see that sign.

Hide the wimminfolk and babies! There’s atheists in Springfield!

I find nativity scenes to be disturbing. Am I therefore justified in smashing them with a hammer? I rather doubt that Kelly will be able to comprehend the equivalence of that situation.

Spotting the black hats among the climate change denialists

Jim Lippard has put up an excellent post identifying the major institutions behind climate change denial. They are almost uniformly conservative and populated with old and unqualified cranks, although Jim is too genteel to put it that way. It’s useful information if you need a scorecard to keep track of the players.

It’s also amusing. Lippard makes this passing mention of a certain notorious crank in a discussion of the denialists with the best academic credentials:

The top-cited scientist, Lubos Motl, has 150 citations for his fourth-most-cited paper, but he’s a theoretical physicist with no publications containing the word “climate.”

Lubos Motl replies!

Commie,

I urge you to instantly remove the libels and lies from this blog, otherwise I will start to work on the legal liquidation of the criminal that you are.

These things may be common among the green trash in which you seem to live but I won’t tolerate it against myself.

Wow. “Legal liquidation.” I’m impressed. Although…did anyone spot any lies or libels against Motl? Does he have 151 citations for that paper, or what?

If you hadn’t realized that Motl is a freakish little sociopath before, that comment may just persuade you.