The Perry Principles

I’m willing to give Rick Perry credit for one thing: he’s very clear on his objectives as a politician, even if those goals are batshit insane. He’s even published a list of priorities for a Perry presidency. These are actually seven reasons to retire him to some patch of parched desert in Texas and leave him to mummify.

He really hates “activist judges”, that catch-all phrase for judges that make decisions conservatives don’t like. His solution? Bog our congress down in appointment hearings that the Republicans will blindly block.

1. Abolish lifetime tenure for federal judges by amending Article III, Section I of the Constitution.

Also, hey, let’s gut the Supreme Court and give all of its powers to congress! Where precedent can be ignored and the crony capitalists can both make the laws and interpret them!

2. Congress should have the power to override Supreme Court decisions with a two-thirds vote.

Meanwhile, let’s bankrupt the federal government and remove its major source of revenue. We don’t need no central government, after all, just let the states each do it their own way. So why is Perry running for president again?

3. Scrap the federal income tax by repealing the Sixteenth Amendment.

The senate is not elitist enough. Let’s just appoint ’em all — and just think, the starving government can make a little money by selling those appointments to corporate citizens. Senator Monsanto, Senator Boeing, anyone?

4. End the direct election of senators by repealing the Seventeenth Amendment.

In addition to abolishing all income tax revenue (see #3), Perry will require the government to balance its budget every year. $0 in, $0 out. Easy.

5. Require the federal government to balance its budget every year.

It’s not enough that he plans to tear up the established political structure of the entire country, and destroy the federal government…he then wants to turn around and use that gutted national government to compel all the states to obey his medieval social agenda. Consistency isn’t his strong suit, nor is compassion. So, high on his list of priorities we find…slap the gays down.

6. The federal Constitution should define marriage as between one man and one woman in all 50 states.

And after those gays are shut up, let’s get to work on the wimmin. No abortions! Ever!

7. Abortion should be made illegal throughout the country.

And this deranged conservative maniac is being treated as a serious candidate by the media? Madness rules.

“love getting and staying naked”!

It’s almost getting to be a law of human nature, this event is becoming so common.

Meet Representative Phil Hinkle of Indiana. He’s a Republican. He’s strongly against gay marriage — he has voted to make it illegal.

And…you know exactly where this is going, don’t you? Every single one of you out there, even if you haven’t seen it in the news already, are sitting there, nodding your head, rolling your eyes, confident that you already know what this is about.

You’re making me feel totally superfluous, you know? Why should I even bother writing this up, when you know-it-alls can see it coming from a thousand miles away? Dammit, you’re making me feel useless.

Try to at least pretend to be surprised, OK? Just humor me.

Rep. Hinkle tried to score a rent-boy for an evening out on the town this past weekend.

Put on your shock-horror faces for just a minute, please.

OK, now you can stop putting on the act. Yeah, Hinkle browsed Craigslist for young men, found a good-looking fellow with his shirt off, and sent him an email.

“Cannot be a long time sugar daddy,” the email reads, “but can for tonight. Would you be interested in keeping me company for a while tonight?”

The email offers “to make it worth (your) while” in cash, and offers a personal description: “I am an in shape married professional, 5’8″, fit 170 lbs, and love getting and staying naked.”

Apparently, the price of a rent-boy in Indianapolis is $80, plus a $60 tip if he does a good job, plus giving him your blackberry and iPad in a desperate attempt to keep him quiet afterwards. This is good to know in case I ever turn into a homophobic Republican and rent-boy rentals become obligatory.

By the way, I’m a healthy married professional, 5’10”, 195 lbs (and shrinking), and I don’t mind being naked in the privacy of my home, but I tend not to flaunt it, and don’t regard it as a major selling point. Do I need to put these data on my business card? Or is it only relevant if I’m a Republican?

Wait, what if idiocy is blood-borne?

Larry Moran is proudly Canadian, so this must have hurt a little bit: Canadian Blood Services is advertising with a load of codswallop about your blood type. This is complete nonsense:

  1. Type A: So, you’re an A. You already know that having type A blood suggests that you are reliable, a team player and may benefit from a vegetarian diet*. Did you also know that anthropologists believe that type A blood originated in Asia or the middle east between 25,000 and 15,000 BC?

  2. Type B: So, you’re a B. You already know that having type B blood suggests that you are independent, a self-starter and may benefit from a wholesome well-balanced diet*. Did you also know that anthropologists believe that type B blood appeared between 15,000 and 10,000 BC in the Himalayas?

  3. Type AB: So, you’re an AB. You already know that having type AB blood suggests that you are organized, friendly and may enjoy a vegetarian or wholesome well-balanced diet*. Did you also know that anthropologists believe that type AB blood did not originate until 900-1000 years ago and came into existence when eastern Mongolian invaders overran the last of European civilization?

  4. Type O: So, you’re an O. You already know that having type O blood suggests that you might be competitive, goal oriented and a real meat eater*. Did you also know that anthropologists believe that type O is the oldest and most common blood type, originating in Southern Africa?

Notice the personality descriptions are vague and always positive: this is classic woo technique. Forget your blood type, just read the descriptions, and if you’re willing to go along, they’ll always fit you. This is the same trick astrologers use, formulating anemic, non-specific ‘predictions’ that the gullible reader can retrofit to their own situation.

But the claims about the origins of these blood types are simply lies! They aren’t even consistent: how can you claim A and B arose over 10,000 years ago, but that the heterozygote AB never occurred until 1000 years ago? Since the ABO blood types are present in other apes, like chimpanzees, it’s obvious that claims of recent origin are bogus. Also, as Larry points out, type O is the null allele — it’s caused by a non-functional transferase enzyme. It’s pretty damned unlikely that it is the oldest type.

The Canadian site does list their sources: they include a weird Japanese blood type cult and a pop diet book from a naturopathic quack. So here’s an organization that offers important medical services, and they are peddling woo of the rankest, stupidest kind. I know that blood from morons is just as good as blood from geniuses, but really…why would you want to miseducate your clients?

(Also on FtB)

Markuze rumors

Dennis Markuze, the obsessed spammer from Montreal, has been silent since late last week — no insane death threats in my email, no furious twitter followups to everything I say, no word anywhere. It has been a very pleasant relief.

I have heard however that he has actually been taken into custody and brought before a judge, and that he’s not responding well. I’m hoping that he gets the psychiatric attention he desperately needs: I don’t want him hurt, I want him better. The Montreal police are reported to be planning to issue a press release in the next day or two.

All is confirmed. The Montreal police announce an arrest, and apparently Mabus’s computers have been seized. Tim Farley has a very thorough summary of events.

“Mabus” apparently posted a series of apologies via twitter to a number of people just before dropping out (I didn’t get any!). If you read them on Farley’s page, though, they don’t sound a thing like Markuze…I wonder if his mother was desperately trying to do some damage control?

Boycott Sugarland

An accident at a fair in Indiana has killed five people. But the big news is that God saved a couple of country western singers from the duo Sugarland from risk!

Whatever it was, members of Sugarland can thank stage manager Hellen Rollens for saving their lives by making a spur-of-the-moment decision to hold a prayer circle just before the stage collapsed last Saturday at the Indiana State Fair.

Looks like God was listening. Here’s what happened.

Sugarland’s manager, Gail Gellman, credited Rollens with keeping the country pop duo from walking down the ramp at the last second, just as a 70 mph gust of wind from an approaching storm caused the stage to topple over onto the crowd, killing five fans and injuring dozens of others.

“Everybody was standing in a prayer circle getting ready to go onstage, and [as Rollens] was walking down the ramp, the stage fell. So her decision to hold them for literally a minute saved every band member and crew’s life,” Gellman told the Associated Press.

Actually, don’t you suspect that this Rollens character frequently asks the band to waste time in prayer circles, so this was nothing exceptional? Wouldn’t it have been more impressive if God had spoken in warning to Hellen Rollens, so that she’d run out to warn everyone else and tell them to get away from danger, so that 5 people wouldn’t be dead?

Since this God is clearly an evil bastard who cares nothing for human life, and since the members of Sugarland must be agents of an evil, monstrous being who casually swats down their fans, I hope you’ll all join me in boycotting the insensitive wicked minions of this cruel god. Boycott Sugarland!*

*This is admittedly no sacrifice on my part since I’ve never heard of these dull-witted wankers before, and just the phrase “country pop duo” sends me fleeing.

Medieval mind meets modern science

I have to rush off to more meetings today — Taslima Nasreen will be speaking this morning — but I got the day off to a laughing start with this review of Hawking’s Curiosity: Did god create the universe?. The reviewer is some conservative Christian minister, and he’s one of those fellows who is really annoyed by all this Big Bang talk. So he turned his television on to watch Stephen Hawking get in his face.

I’ve heard variants of this argument so many times…

Since there is no more proof that the universe began with the Big Bang than there is that Christ was resurrected from the dead we have to engage the element of faith to build the hypothesis. In fact there is a great deal more historical, archaeological and eye witness evidence for the resurrection of Christ than for the Big Bang but that is a subject for another time.

Historical evidence for the resurrection of Jesus: None. There are no contemporary accounts of this miracle; even the books of the bible that mention it were written long after his purported death by people who weren’t there.

Archaeological evidence for the resurrection of Jesus: None. I don’t think the market for ginned-up relics to gullible Catholics counts as archaeology.

Eyewitness evidence for the resurrection of Jesus: None. A book saying that there was a guy who saw the resurrection doesn’t count as eyewitness evidence, and witnessing something is actually very poor evidence anyway. Go to a Las Vegas magic show.

Evidence for the Big Bang: ubiquitous and replicable. Aim your radio telescope at the sky and measure the cosmic background radiation. Look at the red shift of the stars as a function of distance, and see that they’re all expanding away. This isn’t a point of dogma, but a product of observation and theory.

Hawking knows a little bit about black holes, and one part of the show explained that time would stop as one entered a black hole — this is another subject that annoyed the reviewer.

The biggest leap Curiosity takes is where it completely misses the mark. Interspersed with Hawking’s remarks and surmising about using the simple kinder alternative of science to explain the universe, we are subsequently taken on a swirling thrill ride through the entire universe to arrive at an un-named giant black hole. It is there we are told that everything, matter, stars, planets and even science’s revered creator, the original sub-atomic particle, will be sucked in and even time itself will cease to exist.

No allusions to the Bible or the science of homeostasis is relied upon to explain fully how, or why, time ceases to exist and the sense of the doom of all things manages to prevail. In some way the entire idea is like a scientifically inspired version of hell. It is hopeless, final and indescribable. Again the faith that would have to be mustered to accept this theory is incomprehensible. The Bible’s version certainly is less cerebrally taxing, has a real historical context, and is for most people still far more credulous.

Oh, no, the bible doesn’t say anything about black holes, therefore, it’s just not believable. The bible also doesn’t say anything about people flying, therefore I’m going to have a really tough time getting home from Oslo on Tuesday.

I snorted a bit when I read “the science of homeostasis”. I’m sure it just sounded good to him, but homeostasis is a biological term that refers to the property of physiological or ecological systems maintaining a stable, constant system by regulatory feedback. We biologists don’t really have anything to say about black holes, I’m sorry to say, except maybe to mention that conditions of intense radiation and tidal forces great enough to shred bacteria probably aren’t going to be conducive to organisms; even space medicine becomes irrelevant in such situations.

But it’s the last line that is a real winner. Yes, I will agree: the bible is less cerebrally taxing, and certainly is the source for people with a willingness to believe any ol’ thing. I suspect he probably meant to write “credible” there, but God must have guided his hand to write the truth, instead.

Remind me to “hijack” more crazy crank polls

Another site expresses outrage that atheists “hijacked” the Blaze poll, and I just got through to my email from Amsterdam and whew, I have gotten so much hate mail overnight! It gives me a warm happy glow to see the frothing.

Here’s a ‘nice’ one. Too bad he wants to argue creationism with me!

Our tax dollars go to support you and the educational elite to “educate” the youth of this nation and this is how you use your position?

Who don’t you get out in the real world and leave the world of academia and see how the real people of this country live and what they worship?

If you would like to carry on some “long distance” dialogue, please feel free to call me.

BTW, I only have an undergraduate degree in music, but I am fairly decent at communicating.

May God bless you and yours,

Jack

This one from Joseph Hasay isn’t so friendly, but more representative.

Loser asshole!

Hahaha! Beck caught you with your pants down you pathetic piece of human flesh!

David Dunn doesn’t like me at all.

YOU PROFESSOR

You are a FUCKING scumbag and you will rot in HELL!!! ENJOY eternity you waste of space!!

I could go on, but that’s enough — I’ll have to find more reasons to annoy Glenn Beck fans.

Markuze investigation continues

According to this news story from Montreal (Google translation), the police have opened an investigation into Dennis Markuze. Whatever that means.

One interesting part of the story: the reporter contacted his mother, who is in deep denial.

In a brief telephone interview with La Presse yesterday, the mother of Dennis Markuze confirmed that he is the author of the messages. However, she refuses to condemn the writings of his son, who still lives in his house, and ensures that it is not violent. “I do not ask him to stop, no. Why should I? It is his job, for what he believes. Why should I stop? “Said Ms. Markuze English.

She quickly washed away when the press told him about death threats that many people say they have received. “He never did that. It does not even kill a fly, sir. I do not believe. You probably understand its messages. “To quote some excerpts (” I’ll put a bullet in the head, “” I’ll t’exécuter “), she replied:” Read the full what he writes and you’ll see “before hanging up.

Oh. It’s his job to spam death threats over the internet. Is there good money in that, I wonder…

A character named Zenbuffy has decided I’m just as bad as Markuze, because i’ve been stalking her for ten years and sending her a collection of death threats every day. Oh wait, no, I haven’t done that…it’s because she has experienced mental illness personally, and because I think obsessively sending many hundreds of violent threats every day all day is a sign of being mentally disturbed (you think?), I have stigmatized every single crazy person in the universe. While I do think Zenbuffy is a narcisstic wanker — it’s not about you at all, lady, it’s about the guy who floods me with nonstop hate mail — I don’t regard all mental illnesses as the same, I don’t consider a history of mental illness as an evil. I just want ONE crazy stalker to stop what he’s doing and be taken seriously by community authorities.