People, you aren’t doing your part. Yesterday, I had an almost 600 vote lead over the star-gazing bone-bag; this morning, it has narrowed rapidly to little more than 200. At this rate, he’s going to catch up and pass me today, and then the suppression of the majority invertebrates will continue to be perpetuated by this wicked chordatecentric minority. Vote, vote, vote!

How is he accomplishing these gains? There’s the kitten factor, of course: by laying on the cute, he mobilizes the shallow masses who like superficial, pretty fluff (not my constituency, obviously). In his latest missive, he also engages in most egregious flattery.

I also know I have the most honest, wonderful, and — let’s face it — best-looking readers in the observable Universe (and that includes the depths of the ocean), so I know you’ll help out in this time of need.

Consider the flip side of that comment, though: he has also called you readers and supporters of Pharyngula dishonest, horrible, and ugly. How can you vote for someone who abuses you all so? Don’t you want to see him crushed?

Another factor is that he seems to be mobilizing his minions, asking them to display a truly hideous banner and urging their readers to vote for his blog. Well, two can play that game. Here are some tasteful banners/badges featuring Iridoteuthis or Wonderpus you can put on your blog if you voted for Pharyngula: use them freely, and tell all your friends to join in.

Copy and paste this code into your website for the small badge:

<div style="width:90; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2006.weblogawards.org/2006/12/best_science_blog.php"><img alt="pharyngula badge" title="Vote for Pharyngula in the Weblog Awards" src="http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/upload/2006/12/pharyngula_rules.jpg" width="88" height="33" /></a><br /><span style="font-size: 10px"><a href="http://2006.weblogawards.org/2006/12/best_science_blog.php">Vote</a> <a href="http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/">Pharyngula</a>!</span></div>

Copy and paste this code into your website for the larger banner:

<div style="width:290; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2006.weblogawards.org/2006/12/best_science_blog.php"><img alt="pharyngula banner" title="Vote for Pharyngula in the Weblog Awards" src="http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/upload/2006/12/pharyngula_rules_lg.jpg" width="280" height="72" /></a><br /><span style="font-size: 14px"><a href="http://2006.weblogawards.org/2006/12/best_science_blog.php">Vote</a> for <a href="http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/">Pharyngula</a>!</span></div>

If you prefer, you can use the compelling hypnotic power of the Wonderpus to force your readers to vote for me. Obey the Wonderpus!

<div style="width:290; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2006.weblogawards.org/2006/12/best_science_blog.php"><img alt="hypno_pharyngula.jpg" src="http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/upload/2006/12/hypno_pharyngula.jpg" width="300" height="80" /></a><br /><span style="font-size: 14px"><a href="http://2006.weblogawards.org/2006/12/best_science_blog.php">Vote</a> for <a href="http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/">Pharyngula</a>!</span></div>

Vote for Pharyngula (and remember, you can vote every day!). Unless you like ugly banners and being insulted.

P.S. Oh, yeah, and vote for Anyone But Althouse in the Best Centrist Blog category. I’m pushing for The Moderate Voice.

Yeah, I’m thinking of the kittens. I’m thinking real hard.

I was going to say, “Because if you don’t vote for me, I’m feeding the kittens to the Kraken,” but then I realized that the kind of people who’d vote for me would probably want me to feed the kittens to the Kraken. And then I realized it didn’t matter how anyone voted, because I was going to feed the kittens to the Kraken anyway. So what the heck. Kittens. Kraken. Kraken Chow. That’s the way it is. As the kittens must accept their fate, so must Phil.

Vote for Pharyngula (and remember, you can vote every day!). Because the kittens won’t be spared whether you do or don’t.

P.S. I’m sure Respectful Insolence would love to have the endorsement of a kitty-grinding blog for Best Medical/Health Issues Blog. I’m holding out for the promise of a Hitler Zombie/EneMan crossover, though.

We’re in good shape. Pharyngula is slowly pulling ahead of Bad Astronomy, and I think Phil has just conceded by urging his readers to vote for me. He is admitting that a vote for him is a vote against the eventual squid domination of the Earth, so naturally no one in their right mind is going to vote for him anymore. He also includes a picture of the cutest little kitten as a token of his surrender.

Vote for Pharyngula (and remember, you can vote every day!). Unless you think kittens don’t deserve tentacles.

P.S. I have to give my vote to Majikthise for Best Individual Blog.

Look at this…Phil is sneaking around my back, recruiting people at the JREF to vote for him, as if he is the only skeptic in the running. He’s also tried to win people over on talk.origins. I’ll have you know I’ve been fighting for the forces of rationality for years now. I’ve debunked astrology, I’ve jumped down Deepak Chopra’s throat, I’ve skewered creationist cranks, and yes, I’ve even done movie reviews. There is also much more sex on a biology blog than you’ll ever find on a mere astronomy blog.

Although, I do have to grudgingly confess, Phil’s recent post about religious goons violating the lighting laws near Palomar Observatory was darned good stuff, too. So he gets it right now and then…it’s still not a good enough reason to vote for a sneaky squid-hater.

Vote for Pharyngula (and remember, you can vote every day!). Unless you’re a woo-woo or a eunuch.

P.S. You might also vote for GeekyMom. Geeky moms are the finest kind.

Phil is still playing the speciesist card, and now he wants to invoke the so-called superiority of bony internal skeletons. There’s nothing wrong with a good hydrostatic skeleton, you know, it’s one of those useful innovations that allows a soft tissue to extend and become rigid. I’m sure Phil’s lovers have all wished he had one. (Perhaps that’s the source of the telescope fixation over there, a little rigid tube envy).

And look at how far he’s willing to go:

That is why I am promoting the “Defense of Vertebrates Act”. This legislation, which I will submit to the National Academy of Higher Mammals, states that affection, care, and declarations of ” Awwwww, isn’t that cute!” can only be given to animals with bones (and to whatever animal goes into making McNuggets).

If he’s going to do that, we’re going to have to restrict all declarations of “Thou art AWESOME!” to organisms other than the bone-bags he’s raving about. He can have the trivial “cute” adjective for all of gangly, clumsy concatenations of stick-like sprues he favors, and we’ll reserve “terrifying”, “slimy”, “spiny”, “oozing”, “gelatinous”, “tremendous”, and other such inspiring adjectives for the non-vertebrate biota—the majority, as we all know.

Vote for Pharyngula (and remember, you can vote every day!). Unless you like flaccidity.

Now Phil has gone too far. In a Rovian scheme to pander to bigotry, he has confessed to cultivating my love of cephalopods to discredit me, and he has also stated that liking invertebrates is “unhealthy”. And now he has called us cephalapodufascist!

This is what he sent me in his sneaky, long-term plan to pander to the anti-cephalopod faction. It’s adorable, it’s charming, it’s sweet…yet Phil Plait considers it “unhealthy”. He probably hates Cephalopodmas, too.

Vote for Pharyngula. Unless you hate squid and want to be eaten last.

By the way, you should also vote for Sadly, No for Best Humor blog

Phil is pleased that water has been discovered on Mars, and thinks this is a good reason to send spaceships there…and back. As a biologist, I wonder what alien life forms could be flourishing in that damp opportunity, and would urge careful disinfection. Who knows what weird parasitic microorganisms could be lurking there? Do you really want to endorse a rocket jockey when what you really need is someone able to understand and fight the alien threat?

Vote for Pharyngula. Unless you want Martian pod-fungus to eat your brain.

P.S. Also, you need to vote for anyone other than Stop the ACLU in this category.

Really, I wasn’t going to make a big deal of this award, but then Phil had to go and mock the noble name of Pharyngula, and make it all a challenge. Now as a matter of honor I have to try and defeat the Bad Astronomy blog.

I have to do this. If you read that post, it is revealed that Phil has posed nude for the SkepDude calendar. This is a troubling precedent, I’m sure you’ll all agree that we shouldn’t encourage bloggers to let it all hang out in public like that.

Vote for Pharyngula. Unless you want me to pose nekkid.