I’m not wearing one of these things, or obsessing over the hundred pills I choose to swallow every night, or comparing myself to my sons. I’m not Bryan Johnson, the current joke of a man aging poorly.
According to my calculations, it ain’t worth it. But he also has the penis of a 22-year-old.
He should give it back. To be clear, he has the penile health of someone 25 years younger.
How would you even measure that? By the number, duration and quality of one’s night-time erections.
And how would you even measure that? With an erectile tracker – you wear it to bed and it sends the data to your phone.
So your phone tells you your penile age? After a fashion, yes.
Where can you get one of these devices? Asking for a friend. You can buy them online for £150, but the company that makes them is oversubscribed, so there’s currently a seven-to-eight-week waiting list.
If anyone wants to buy me a present, don’t get me an erection tracker.
I think I preferred it when the parasite class just spent their money on yachts, fancy art pieces and buying politicians.
It matters how you spend your time.
“Humanity can work miracles in 80 years” #anime #animeedit #frieren #himmel
.https://youtube.com/shorts/7Xw59WL4WaI
Frieren takes out an asshole demon that sounds like a Republican.
Re-iterating a point I have made many times. If billionaires want to live longer, they should donate to research identifying longevity and tissue-repair genes in:
1: Other long-lived mammals. Bowhead whales can live more than 200 years, and despite all the cells they do not get cancer!
2: Birds, reptiles and other vertebrates that did not suffer the genetic bottleneck during the reign of dinosaurs that mammals did. And animals with no natural enemies in their adult state can live very long, like some species of rockfish. In fact, some freshwater species in USA live long, too.
-But this would require the billionaire class to skim journals like Nature and Science every week to understand the real world. I try to do it, but it is clearly an activity beneath the glorious billionaire class (but that old Microsoft guy might be doing it).
I wish you told me earlier.
What I’m I going to do with this tracker?
Happy birthday PZ.
Out of curiosity, I followed all the links and finally arrived at the ‘Adam Sensor’. The company does not make it easy to see just what the sensor looks like. But Google Images came to the rescue. It shows a small, white cube attached to a banana by an elastic cord. That’s when I snorted in derision. It looks like it’s only possible to attach it comfortably when you have a hard on. I don’t know about all you other guys, but I rarely fall to sleep with a raging erection. If I were to try to fit it on my usual, relaxed dick, it would fall off. Even if I did manage to slip it on, it would be damn uncomfortable. You’d have to sleep on your back. Roll over and, OUCHEE!
What’s the point? You learn you have a woodie at 4 a.m.? Yay! I’m 16 again?
Conclusion: Bryan Johnson is a self-absorbed, insecure man child terrified of his own mortality.
Memo to Bryan: You’re gonna die someday. Possibly sooner than you realize.
Why would you want to live like that just to live longer living like that? The irony is, he lives like that until he reaches the average life expectancy of 74.8 years for US males expecting to go on living another 20 or 30 years, and then he gets hit by a bus. Meanwhile other people taking a more reasonable healthy course breeze through to a 100+ without a hitch, have some fun along the way, and don’t spent money taking large quantities of pills and tracking their erections when they’re sleeping.
And PZ, if it’s your birthday, happy birthday. May you enjoy the day without 100 pills.
The Scopes “Monkey Trial” is turning 100.
Scopes 100
Don’t forget that the bad guys won.
Happy b’day PZ…ya punk kid. I’ll be 78 in two weeks. Neither of my parents made it past 63, so I guess I’m beating the odds.
A hundred pills a night? You have of course checked all the 4950 pairwise interactions. Right? ;)
The only thing that device proves about Bryan Johnson is that he is a dick. Which we already knew.
Selkirk @ #8 — True, the bad guys won the trial, but the ACLU, which defended Scopes, is still around and the Butler Act, which was the basis for the case, was finally repealed by the Tennessee legislature in 1967. Still 45 years is a long time to have a stupid law like that on the books. And of course, the creationist cause is alive and well so I expect more Butler Acts in our future.
Robro @ 10
I thought Tennessee was more than 45 years behind. If you live in Tennessee I assume many just leave instead of fighting the reptilian GOPer dinosaurs.
-BTW Kirk Douglas made it past 100 while having fun. He made some bad films, but he made a lot of good films, too. He showed his butt on some films but he never used an *-tracker
Erectile dysfunction can be an early indicator of cardiovascular disease, but being obsessed with aging and your penile health is indicative of mental illness.
What a sad, limp way to live your life.
I’m not just the president, I’m also a client.
@11 birgerjohansson
Behind whom? “thank God for Mississippi”
Happy Birthday Mr. Myers and many happy and healthy returns!
Tethys at #12 beat me to it. Whilst obsessing over one’s nightly boners is not healthy, not having them can be a symptom of other diseases so the device’s existence is not completely silly. It is silly in this one man’s context because he is clearly obsessed with not aging and not dying. It won’t work, he will age and die like everyone else.
If you’re happy with your awake-time erections, should you be worried about the sleep-time ones?
I think it is a large part to vanity but there’s also the nerdy “measure everything I can” aspect to it. Pretty much if you can produce a gadget that can somewhat measure something about some bodily function, there is a market for it and some people will buy them. I mean, look at this guy for example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvqRLG0K4SQ
cartomancer at 1 – Hi!
This is extremely OT (albeit in a thread on a silly post), but I need to ask you something. Is there a classical Latin term for athletic runner?
I gather that the Romans weren’t nearly as much into running sports as the Greeks. I often see the term “dromeus” in English language sources, which I understand to be a latinization or Latin spelling of the Greek term, but it’s usually used in the context of Greek games. I wonder if it was standard term in contemporary Latin?
@12 Tethys wrote: being obsessed with aging and your penile health is indicative of mental illness.
I reply: Great thought. I think that some of these miscreants misread it thinking it admonished them to be obsessed with their erection when it actually said to be obsessed with the election!
Oh, and of course, Happy Birthday, PZ and we wish you many more. Wait, oh, no, is that wish actually a curse in today’s world?
There sure is a focus on penile hydraulics, but it’s not from him.
It’s from PZ and from other commenters.
Tethys at #12 beat me to it.”
“@12 Tethys wrote: being obsessed with aging and your penile health is indicative of mental illness.
I reply: Great thought.”
cf. https://freethoughtblogs.com/pharyngula/2025/01/23/what-fathers-are-supposed-to-share-with-their-sons/#comment-2251787
“Here, a primary source on how he views it: https://protocol.bryanjohnson.com/#routine-measurement
It’s but one of 44 measurements he takes as to measure his physiological status.
Like, he’s quite obsessive, but not so much about virility (or libido, presumably), and more about ageing.”
(Yet that’s the one about which people obsess, out of the 44)
—
Right? The obsession is with measurement of longevity metrics as he understands them, not with boners.
(And the blood transfusion thingy from his son is no longer a thing, because the measurements showed no biggie thereby)
lumipuna, #19
You’re right, Romans generally thought of track running as a distinctly Greek form of competition and exercise (and occasionally as a mildly scandalous one, given that it was traditionally done naked). As such almost all Latin terms for athletes are derived from the Greek. “Dromeus” might be the closest to foot-race runner, but the similarly Greek-derived “athleta” or “xysticus” could also do the job (both are more general terms for an athlete, though, and sometimes refer specifically to wrestlers). The native Latin “cursor” would also be understood as a runner, though not necessarily one competing in sports, just as likely it could be a messenger or delivery runner. “Competitor” would also fit the bill as someone participating in an athletic competition (though, again, not necessarily a running race).
If PZ has the energy to stay up, anyone who live in the western hemisphere can see a total lunar eclipse Thursday night into Friday morning (Murphy’s law decrees your own patch of sky will be overcast).
“If PZ has the energy to stay up…”
Bryan knows just how much he, um, stays up.
(heheheh — so juvenile of me!)
The purpose of nighttime erections is to increase blood flow in the penis which keeps it healthy. Fewer erections causes deterioration of the penis. Since 2014 Cialis in daily 5mg doses has been approved by the FDA. Since it lasts 36 hours one is always ready for sex. I’m 83 and have been taking it for over a year and find it helps a lot in my sex life , helps with urinary flow, and makes the penis 2-3 times larger all the time. It also is associated with a lower risk of cardiovascular events-see below. I love it.
At least you admit it.
It’s worse than that; there can be n-way interactions for n > 2 as well.
Just for a simple example, if half of them have mildly cholinergic side effects, though any two or few of those might be safe in combination, glug them all and you might as well be huffing nerve gas.
And, I shall also note, 9.33×10^157 greatly exceeds 4950.
Good luck checking all those, Johnson. (Also, don’t you think your surname is a little bit on the nose? Or should I be addressing that last to Stephen King, or whomever it is, who penned this bizarre absurdist-horror story I seem to be a character in? What was the title of that, Under the Dome II maybe?)
Re: the OP; this was the inevitable result of someone landing in the intersection of the Tate fan club and the LessWrong cult. I just wonder how the guy deals with all the false positives; presumably that fancy tech gadget goes off every time he gets out of a chair.
Badum-bum.
Cis men’s obsessions with their dicks is weird (see #26)
Weird. Because of Cialis and the fact that my girlfriend and I can no longer have orgasms . We make love for,about. 2 hours at a time twice a day. It is truly wonderful. Loving. Nothing weird about it . Pure,joy.
Not an obsession with the dick, great interest in and joy from because several factors, most of all the lovemaking with my love.
Mate, these are the comments on a blog post
chesapeake, relax.
(Hey, just call it Tantric sex, and it becomes impressive!)
Anyone else wondering if that “tracker” is actually giving accurate readings vs just giving some impressive sounding numbers to keep the idiot who’s willing to spend money on something like that happy?
It’s impressive no matter what you call it. My therapist was very surprised that we could have so much great lovemaking at out age. What is impressive to us is the great joy we get out of our lovemaking now that we don’t have those pesky organs .yes, they are comments on a blog. What is your point. Out of bounds? Shouldn’t talk that way. I thought someone might be interested in the health benefits of daily Cialis. The penis of every man deteriorates with age because of lack of blood flow. I would think many would want to do something about it. BTW, yes, I am obsessed with my penis.as it gives ,e such joy, more than ever before. My girlfriend loves,it,and love to,do things with it. Nothing wrong with my obsession.. or hers. Being in love will do that.
When I was in school, in the locker room I often felt inferior because my penis was quite small when fflaccid. I learned much later it was actually 20% larger when erect. Anyway., now that it is 2-3 times thicker
When flaccid not only means it is healthier but it looks better, more manly., not little and pathetic.I like the way it looks. Makes me feel more manly. Nothing wrong with that. And as I said my gf loves it.i recommend it for men . Promote penis health and feel better about it and better lovemaking. And if the Cialis is not adequate a penis pump to get and hold a huge erection is wonderful. I wrote many posts about this at a site with mostly women and they were very interested and very encouraging. Mostly happy about the love we shared.
And I gave no intention of relaxing. Our love making gets better and better every time we are togeth, about 2 weeks a month. I am thrilled about our relationship and don’t want to be relaxed.
cartomancer at 23 – Thank you very much! I needed this information to confirm a minor but personally bugging detail in my fiction writing.
chesapeake@36: That’s really interesting, how do you think it affected your LSAT scores?
Nah. Over-egged the pudding, you did.
Oh yes. Also, even if it is accurate, how scientifically robust is the link between the readings and actual health outcomes?
Happy belated birthday PZ.
Happy belated birthday, PZ!
I found something that would be of actual use for chasing longevity.
Exploring the Greenland shark’s secret to extreme longevity
https://phys.org/news/2025-03-exploring-greenland-shark-secret-extreme.html
When I wrote here about the benefits of Cialis I had hoped some here would be interested in using it because of its possible help in reducing cardiovascular problems, help with urinary flow, as well as it sexual benefits. On one seemed interested. Instead people mocked and derided my comments. Oh well. To be expected here.
chesapeake @44: Welcome to the internet. Maybe some people did take an interest in your recommendations, but for whatever reason, didn’t acknowledge them. You expressed yourself. Isn’t that enough?
That might have something to do with you mentioning it suppressing orgasms?
Who wants cake with no icing?
@46 I made no mention of it suppressing orgasms. It doesn’t
‘T. What it does is help keep the lovemaking going for hours, which just happens not to be interrupted by pesky orgasm. At 83, by far the greatest sex/lovemaking of our lives.