What fathers are supposed to share with their sons


Bryan Johnson, that weirdo millionaire who wants turn aging backwards, taking megadoses of supplements and transfusing himself with blood from his son, has another game he plays with his kids: plethysmography! Every night they strap a measuring device on to their penises, and then the next morning they compare the frequency and duration of their erections.

So far, the kid is winning.

How many of you would make this effort for your kids? And still aren’t in prison?

Comments

  1. rorschach says

    Look, it’s science right? Right? I do have to say, 6 erections a night, no wonder I wake up tired most mornings. What’s the biological thing with that anyway?

  2. says

    Even by lonely-irrelevant-crank standards, this guy is just a useless creep. If any non-famous-millionaire admitted to playing this sort of “game” with his kids, he’d be tarred as a pedo and put on a sex-offender registry, AT LEAST.

    Is anyone taking this wanker seriously? If so, WHY?

  3. birgerjohansson says

    He is obviously gone bye-bye reality. Time to call in child services. Not that authorities will dare do their job.

  4. larpar says

    What is it about the Johnsons?
    Mike Johnson (Speaker of the House) has an app he shares with his son that informs the other when one of them are viewing porn.
    I don’t know which Johnson is worse. (It’s Mike, but that’s beside the point.)

  5. robro says

    That is really very creepy, particularly with the intro line “Raise children to stand tall, be firm and be upright”. And I have the clear impression that Bryan has no idea how creepy he’s being to do this in the first place much more to be publishing it. Jeez.

  6. says

    Yeah, another rich person turns out to be a clueless idiot with no effing idea how real people function in the real world outside the bubble-verse he’s bought for himself and his kids. This is what we get when we worship rich people as paragons of bravery and virtue.

  7. torcuato says

    Sorry to burst everyone’s outrage bubble, but there’s no “child” anywhere in this story. Bryan Johnson’s son is a 19-year old adult man. There’s no evidence anywhere that his father is publishing this story against his will, or that he is being abused in any way.
    “Call in child services”? Haaaa ha!
    Creepy? Well, creepy is in the eye of the beholder.

  8. oddie says

    19 year olds are still children. They maybe legally considered adults but they are still teenagers. Also the dude is literally a vampire feeding off his own kid. It’s exploitative and gross.

  9. seachange says

    #1 @ Reginald Selkirk
    Every sperm is sacred
    Every sperm is great
    If a sperm is wasted
    God gets quite irate
    -Jaquemin & Howard/Palin & Jones

    @strewth #3
    So darlin’, put your goggles on,
    And up-up-and-away we’ll fly!
    In a big ginormous airplane,
    In a big ginormous airplane,
    In a big ginormous airplane,
    In the sky!
    -Provenmire, Marsh, Olson, and Culross Jr.

  10. chigau (違う) says

    torcuato #12
    If you cannot legally purchase and consume alcohol, you are a minor.

  11. says

    torcuato: minor or not, this is still creepy, at least in the eyes of this beholder.

    If my dad had suggested this “game” when I was 17 I would have considered it creepy, and run like hell away. And I wouldn’t have considered it any less creepy if he’d suggested it when I was 18, or 19, or 21…

    (chigau: “Minor” generally means under 18 — that’s the age when you get to vote, join the army, have sex, marry, sign contracts, etc. Where your state sets the legal drinking age is another matter.

  12. John Morales says

    I think it’s damn obvious Talmage is quite aware of what’s going on, and has bought into the idea.

    From an article I checked last time this was mentioned here:
    https://time.com/6315607/bryan-johnsons-quest-for-immortality/

    Johnson is currently single. His older son is serving a mission for the Mormon church, and his younger daughter is 13 and lives with her mother. So Johnson spends much of his time with his 18-year-old middle son, Talmage, who commits to the Blueprint diet, rest, and exercise routines, but skips the anti-aging therapies. He briefly donated blood plasma to Johnson in order to test whether it had a measurable impact on his father’s aging, but stopped once Johnson decided it didn’t work. Talmage, who is about to start his freshman year of college, says that he’s adopted many of his dad’s attitudes towards lifestyle and life extension. “The idea of having pizza is more painful than pleasurable for me,” he says.

  13. Rob Grigjanis says

    chigau @15: In the US, age of majority varies from 18 to 21, depending on the state. But age you can buy alcohol is 21.

    In Canada, the age of majority can be 18 or 19, depending on province/territory, as can the age you can buy alcohol. But the two ages don’t always match. E.g., in Ontario, age of majority is 18, but you can’t buy booze until you’re 19.

  14. chigau (違う) says

    Many years ago I went on a trip from Calgary to Washington State University in Pullman to visit some friends who were in grad school. Maybe it was University of Idaho in Moscow, Idaho.
    The two University towns were 9 miles apart on a fairly straight, flat stretch of road BUT they were in different states.
    One state had 18 as a drinking age, the other had 19.
    That stretch of road was interesting on weekends.

  15. chigau (違う) says

    A quick google tells me that in USA, 16 is legal to get married in most states, all branches of the military will take you at 17, and voting at 18 rather than 21 was to provide cannon-fodder for the Vietnam War.

  16. silvrhalide says

    Just when you thought reenacting as a Confederate soldier or a Nazi with your kid wasn’t creepy or weird enough.
    Move over Muskrat, there’s a new creepiest dad in town.
    What brainworm caused either of them to 1) think it up in the first place and 2) think it was a good idea and 3) think it was a good idea to post it to social media?

  17. says

    @rorschach #2, One M.D. on YouTube alleged that the purpose of night erections is to properly exchange blood in the organ and ensure the supply of oxygen and nutrients to the tissue. If it were shriveled up all the time, the tissue could degenerate and lose function. These night erections are not always (possibly seldom) accompanied by erotic arousal.

  18. says

    Every night they strap a measuring device on to their penises, and then the next morning they compare the frequency and duration of their erections.

    Did he ever specify why this metric is even relevant or worth talking about?

  19. Bekenstein Bound says

    I guess he views it as a measure of “virility”, always enormously important to those generously endowed with toxic masculinity.

  20. John Morales says

    Maybe, BB.

    Here, a primary source on how he views it: https://protocol.bryanjohnson.com/#routine-measurement

    It’s but one of 44 measurements he takes as to measure his physiological status.
    Like, he’s quite obsessive, but not so much about virility (or libido, presumably), and more about ageing.

    Supposedly, it’s an indicator of vascular health.
    I mean, I’m not a quack, but it does seem rather redundant, other metrics surely already cover that.

  21. says

    #20: Yeah, I did a visit to WSU when I was shopping for universities. It has long had a reputation as the party school in Washington state — I decided against it.
    Then I looked into UW, and discovered that the frat house party scene in Seattle was far more intense and decadent than anything going on in Pullman/Moscow.

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