I am very excited about this new technological development. The pope has blessed an iPhone app to help you figure out what to say in confession. I’m not at all interested in throwing away a whole $1.99 on it, but what’s interesting is the potential. Next: an app for priests to guide them in the appropriate penance to deliver. Then we add a little bluetooth/wireless capability to the apps, and confession becomes a matter of walking up to a priest and bumping your cell phones together — instant exchange! Next step: an app that reads your penance — say you’re supposed to say 25 Hail Marys — which then does it all for you, and maybe even broadcasts the recitations to a central repository (Can we call this app iRosary?). Automated contrition, perfect redemption, and all while demanding minimal effort on the part of the over-taxed, ever-dwindling population of Catholic priests.
You may be wondering why I, an atheist, would think this would be a fabulous development. I’m dreaming of the day when I buy a network ready Confession app, fill out its list of sins honestly and accurately, and walk up to a priest running iFather and do a confessional bump…and watch his cell phone detonate in his hand. It’ll be awesome.