Now that’s a faitheist!

David Penberthy is, presumably, an atheist…but a terribly angry, ranty, sanctimonious one. He has written an amazing article damning his nemeses—other atheists.

My faith in atheism is being tested by born-agains. Not of the Christian variety, but the obnoxious, pushy, ram-it-down-your-throat, born-again atheist variety.

This new breed of Godless souls has adopted one of the most irritating features of religion. They have become belligerent evangelists for their non-cause.

The rest of the article rages on, and you might be wondering what horrible crimes these atheists have committed, and who they are. Have they been issuing fatwas, condemning people to death for mocking them? Have they been decreeing that believers are not good citizens, and should have their right to vote revoked? Have they decided that theists are hollow, immoral people and parasites on civilization?

Well, no. He’s angry at Bobby Henderson for inventing the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He dares to mock religion!

He’s furious with that big bully Richard Dawkins, because he dared to interrupt Christians on a televised debate.

He’s really pissed off at Alex Stewart, who burned a few pages of a Bible and a Koran. His own books, not that he invaded a church or mosque and set things on fire, but simply because he was offensive.

And then he tops it all off by whining about how these aggressive atheists make him want to crawl back into the closet. It is the most pathetic, pitiful, wimpy spectacle of a weepy little inactivist, someone who is so put off by humor, assertiveness, and any expression of disrespect for damfool ideas that he wants to run away and cry.

Please do, David. Hide in a closet, snuggle with your blanky, and suck your thumb all you want — you won’t be missed. And we won’t mind at all.