For Your Enjoyment: Penises, Pepsis, and (Grocery?) Bags

We Hunted the Mammoth is a website probably at least vaguely familiar to any reader of Pervert Justice. While WHTM may or may not be to your taste, author/curator David Futrelle has discovered something interesting and terribly, terribly funny about the tastes of a certain misogynist. While I highly recommend you spend some time browsing the site and especially reading the particular post in question, I cannot stop myself from stealing a few snippets of Futrelle’s work and pasting it here for your enjoyment. Permit me to begin by reposting the very interesting writings of a particular misogynist discovered by Futrelle:

My logic is such that I imagine a typical girl fucks 12 chads per year, 1 per month ... So the younger they are ... the less cock they've ridden....would you rather have a new pepsi bottle, or one that had taken 12 penises per year since the age of 18? I figure I'd rather drink a pepsi that had 12 penises in it

Mikveh Prefers Only 12 Penises At A Time, Please.

I cannot tell you how many questions immediately popped into my brain. I was going to deposit my wit in the comments at WHTM, but Futrelle had already covered many of the pertinent subjects for investigation:

Were these 12 penises just dipped in the Pepsi bottle or are they all still stuffed inside of it? How do you squeeze a normal-sized penis through the narrow bottleneck? Would the number of acceptable penises per bottle increase or decrease if the bottle contained Coke or RC Cola or Dr. Pepper instead of Pepsi?

I cannot tell you how hard I laughed. I was also reminded of another bit of content I should blatantly steal, as long as we’re asking ourselves philosophical questions about hypothetical containers of dicks:






  1. kestrel says

    OK, now the Partner and I have tears coming out of our eyes and I can hardly see to type this. That was pretty funny.

  2. UnknownEric the Apostate says

    /jim croce voice

    If my penis fit in a bottle…
    …the first thing that I’d like to do…

  3. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Oh, Eric! If I knew you I’d tell you just how hard that made me laugh. I’m old enough to remember that song, and the image is perfect.

    “But there never seems to be enough time, to do the bottle you want to do, once you find it…”

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