BREAKING: Iris goes woo! Read my first psychic prediction!

Yes, friends, I hereby renounce my atheism, anti-theism, skepticism, anti-supernaturalism, all of it. I’ve gone all woo on you guys, and have hung out my own shingle as a Professional Psychic! My first Official Prediction: some peoples’ president, Donald Trump, will fire another federal watchdog very, very soon.*

And to be honest, I kinda get it: I’m not really much of a dog person myself. Anyway, YOU READ IT HERE FIRST!

That’ll be $300, please. CASH ONLY.

*What? No! Of course not! My impressive psychic prediction has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with this email alert I just got from the New York Daily News:

State Dept. watchdog finds Jets owner Woody Johnson made ‘inappropriate’ comments as U.K. Ambassador

In a section of the report that Johnson wanted suppressed, the Inspector General found that Johnson had made “inappropriate or insensitive comments” that possibly violated employment laws.

Read the Latest (at New York Daily News)

Gotta go back to communing with my spirit guides. If they have anything else to tell me, I’ll be sure to pass it right along. For $300.