As I am sure my many tens of loyal readers will recall, I had to leave my apartment for the first time in months for a doctor’s appointment. This was a perilous endeavor, for two reasons I mentioned:
The virus appears far deadlier for cancer patients, according to a study by the Lancet. “Researchers found that 13 percent of the current and former cancer patients died within 30 days of testing positive for coronavirus, a far higher mortality rate than has been observed in the general population.”
(HealthDay News) — Ten percent of COVID-19 patients with diabetes die within a week of entering the hospital and 20% need a ventilator to breathe by that point, a new French study found.
And there’s a third: I am a goddamn New Yorker. Virus or no virus there are RULES here, people – and one breaks them at one’s peril. I speak of fashion, of course. If I die of shame, the consequences of a misstep here are worse than contracting COVID-19!
So what’s a New York City diabetic cancer patient to
I had already decided that I was gonna rock this shit like the motherfucking Queen of England.
Her Majesty Elizabeth II, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of her other realms and territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith.
And so I did.
Her Majesty Iris Vander Pluym, in a tasteful, head-to-toe black, gold and white ensemble except for the dark blue gloves because they made me change out of my pale ones at the entrance, Defender of the Non-Faith.
I am not so worried about contracting the virus via surface contact; as soon as I got inside my front door I stripped my clothes off, laundered them and showered immediately. I also wiped down my tote with anti-viral wipes and decontaminated the umbrella. My fear is droplets. So in addition to the bubble umbrella to help keep indoor air currents away from my head, I am also wearing glasses I don’t need to help further shield my eyes, as well as an N99 mask I was fortunate to receive as a gift from a severely immunocompromised friend who stockpiled them long before COVID.
BECAUSE I CANNOT EVER GET THIS FUCKING VIRUS THE END.