Oohhhhh….. Mitt.

Oh, Mitt. My in-laws are so happy with your speech. Of course, as Cuttlespouse told me this evening, they’d vote for Hitler if he ran as a Republican.

Lyrics:

He’ll never use a compass
When a weathervane will do;
You can check his past directions
For the way the wind once blew
There’s no permanent position
Which, for money, he won’t bend
To the will of corporations
Cos they’re people too, my friend!

It’s time we had a president
Who will not stand for shit—
So strap your dog to the roof of your car
And let’s hit the road for Mitt!

He passed a law for health care
Which of course he now regrets
He likes to prove his honor
With ten-thousand dollar bets
Abortion is an evil, which
Good people should abhor
In utter contradiction of
The stand he took before!

It’s time we had a president
Who will not stand for shit—
So strap your dog to the roof of your car
And let’s hit the road for Mitt!

Bridge:
Oh beautiful for spacious skies
For amber waves of grain
For candidates who can’t recall
Which years they worked at Bain

His piercing eyes, his shining teeth,
His perfect, manly hair
His mainstream Christian values
And his magic underwear
He’s earned my admiration
Though it strains my common sense—
For taking strong positions, but
On both sides of the fence!

It’s time we had a president
Who will not stand for shit—
So strap your dog to the roof of your car
And let’s hit the road for Mitt!

I still need to record this in the original tune–but really, only to show you how much better this version is.

Yes, from here and here.

We Hold These Lies To Be Self-Evident…

The speeches we hear are so flagrantly truthless—
They don’t even hide their intentions—
Let’s update the saying to cover the ruthless:
There’s lies, and damned lies, and conventions.

At least five times, Ryan misrepresented the facts. And while none of the statements were new, the context was. It’s one thing to hear them on a thirty-second television spot or even in a stump speech before a small crowd. It’s something else entirely to hear them in prime time address, as a vice presidential nominee is accepting his party’s nomination and speaking to the entire country.

Headline Muse, 8/29

Never mind that real people are hurt
Here’s a chance to have fun slinging dirt
So let’s cheer for our school
Though the message is cruel
With a brand-new Ohio State shirt!

Headline: Ohio State mocks Sandusky scandal with tasteless T-shirt

the popular women’s interests blog Jezebel has unearthed a photo of a red-and-white T-shirt that reads “I’d rather shower at Penn State than cheer for the Wolverines.”

The worst part? Not the fact that the Buckeye fans were turning all of Jerry Sandusky’s child abuse into a joke … but that they aren’t the only ones.

Similar shirts have popped up at Iowa and LSU.

Get it? It’s funny, cos it’s about child rape! Which is not quite as bad as cheering for Michigan!

For the record, Ohio State University officials had nothing to do with the shirt, and they find it “unacceptable and appalling”.

Somewhere, some undergrad is as proud as a peacock about the design, and about the fact that at it was copied at at least 2 other schools.

Projection, Of Historical Proportions

I remember when believers
Showed a missionary zeal
They would meet you at your doorstep
Just to show you God was real
They would go to other countries
Cos they had to spread the word
They might learn a different language
To be certain they were heard
They attended church on Sundays
With their families in tow
They thought Jesus was the answer
And they had to let you know… [Read more…]

The Atheist Invocation

It’s a simple invocation
And delivered from the heart;
Just a message to the public
As the meeting’s set to start
For the welfare of all people,
Seeing dignity and worth
He invoked, not God in Heaven,
But the council, here on Earth

But the people didn’t get it—
Or they thought that it was odd—
“Why’s he praying to the council?
When you pray, you pray to God!”
It’s an unfamiliar concept
And it only goes to show
That their “normal” invocations
Are religious, and should go

Story after the jump: [Read more…]

NH Sheriff Candidate Would Use Deadly Force On Law-Abiders

He wants to be the Sheriff here
He’s running with a cause
He wants to stop the doctors who
Are following the laws

He knows abortion’s legal, but
He knows it’s wrong, of course—
He’s willing to prevent it, through
The use of deadly force

He’d prosecute the doctors, and
He’d drag them off to court
Or citizens grand jury, as
A path of last resort

He wants to be the Sheriff, cos
He’d answer, then, to none…
It’s time to pop some popcorn—
The election’s getting fun.

Story, after the jump: [Read more…]

Todd Akin’s Plan B

Oh, the saga of Todd Akin
On the troubled trail he’s taken
Now his party has forsaken him, and hung him out to dry
This Republican pariah
Claims he queried his messiah
Now, this modern Jeremiah wants to have another try

From his party he’s been cut off,
And his money flow has shut off,
But he wants to work his butt off for Missouri if he can
His campaign is in a pickle
Going after every nickel
Cos the voting base is fickle, when you tell it like a man

Now he’s after your donation
Looking all across the nation
So express your indignation in a monetary form
Cos the message he is sending
With his dime and nickel spending
Is, his fight is never-ending for the male and Christian norm

He’s an underdog—a fighter,
Though the funds could not be tighter
Still the future’s getting brighter, and “legitimately”, too!
Send him lots, or just a portion
So he’ll live to fight abortion
And the GOP’s contortions are in full and vivid view. [Read more…]

Legitimate Pinheads

When you cannot escape
Cos they’ve got it on tape
It’s “Legitimate Rape” to your credit

Now the system is broke,
Even GOP folk
Say you clearly misspoke when you said it

Still you must not lose face
With your radical base
You must keep them apace while you edit

Say you spoke off the cuff
But on rapists, you’re tough
Hope this whistle’s enough, and embed it.

But it’s out on the wire
And despite your desire
You have started a fire and you’ve fed it

Now, you miserable gent,
You begin your descent,
But your path only went where you led it. [Read more…]

The Ground Zero Cross… Again.

For some who’ve experienced losses, the cross is
A symbol of grieving, of heartbreak, of death;
They’ll flock to a church or museum to see ‘em
Defending their presence with all of their breath.
The tomb of a great many heroes, Ground Zero’s
A place to remember who answered the call;
The cross stands for good Christian brothers, but others
Have different symbols—and some, none at all.

The privileged among us will fight for the right for
Their privileged positions to carry the day;
The Christians assume God protects, and expects them
To honor His care, in the usual way.
The cross at Ground Zero is holy, but solely
For Christians, as others have quite clearly shown;
The atheists, Muslims, and Jews are just losers—
They want it to be there for Christians alone.

I can take my pick of sources… David Silverman is in the news again, fighting the Ground Zero Cross.
As always, the comments vary across sites, and as always, it is a display of Christian privilege.

Silverman is forced into the position of looking like an utter dick. The “cross”, a bit of wreckage from the ruins of the twin towers, is such a trivial thing–who could oppose its inclusion in the 9/11 memorial? Like “in god we trust” on money, it’s ceremonial deism, religion diluted homeopathically, something that should be opposed more by religious believers than by atheists…

Except.

When you read the writing on the wall, and the absolute zero of religion’s future is compared to the statistical irrelevance of ceremonial deism, suddenly the trivial battles are worth fighting, and silly crossbeams are now religious icons of the highest order. Seriously, the most common juxtaposition of beams in a heap of rubble is now worth going to the wall for. Because God, that’s why.

David Silverman does not have my stamp of approval. But he does have my sympathy. I would not take his job for a pile of gold. I doubt very much that he wants to take most of these cases, but he is in the position of taking them or ceding another few inches of territory, each and every time. So he is forced to fight.

The fact that we are fighting over more and more trivial notions is testament to Silverman’s success. The real estate we are quibbling over is smaller and smaller, and as a result, the skirmishes are more and more nasty. I mean, seriously–two bits of girder? In a building that was constructed of tons upon tons of girders welded at 90 degrees to one another? Three thousand deaths, and a couple of girders are a symbol worth fighting for?

Fight, David Silverman. Fight, Christians. The big battles are already decided.

Crosses are sooooo two years ago.

Thirteen Percent

Mitt Romney complains about taxes, and waxes
Nostalgic, and asks where America went—
Though singing aloud of its beauty, his duty
To fund it is capped off at thirteen percent.

Though tax under Reagan was higher, denyers
Say taxes today are a punitive fine—
Though shouting with all of the bluster they muster
The noise I am hearing sounds just like a whine.

So Mitt says he’s never paid less than 13% in taxes in each of the past 10 years. Our tax burden is remarkably low when compared to our historical levels (most of Reagan’s years saw a 50% top bracket, and war years saw rates of over 90%, back when we actually paid for our wars), but you wouldn’t know it to listen to the TP/GOP.