Todd Akin’s Plan B

Oh, the saga of Todd Akin
On the troubled trail he’s taken
Now his party has forsaken him, and hung him out to dry
This Republican pariah
Claims he queried his messiah
Now, this modern Jeremiah wants to have another try

From his party he’s been cut off,
And his money flow has shut off,
But he wants to work his butt off for Missouri if he can
His campaign is in a pickle
Going after every nickel
Cos the voting base is fickle, when you tell it like a man

Now he’s after your donation
Looking all across the nation
So express your indignation in a monetary form
Cos the message he is sending
With his dime and nickel spending
Is, his fight is never-ending for the male and Christian norm

He’s an underdog—a fighter,
Though the funds could not be tighter
Still the future’s getting brighter, and “legitimately”, too!
Send him lots, or just a portion
So he’ll live to fight abortion
And the GOP’s contortions are in full and vivid view.

Todd Akin, having been cut off from the more traditional sources of GOP funding, has fallen back on Plan B:

“The media is against us. The Washington elites are against us. The party bosses are against us,” Akin says in an email plea to supporters. “Will you help my fight back by chipping-in $5 today?”

You know, it costs them a bit to process each donation; I’m tempted to encourage people to pledge them one-cent donations, which would be a net loss.

I have seen both sides happy Akin is still in–Democrats happy they have someone to put a face to the GOP’s platform position on abortion, Republicans because they believe Democrats are afraid to express their own abortion position. If I were a bit less jaded, I’d be surprised by the fact that Akin apparently still stands a chance in the race.

But I guess I am that jaded.


  1. thebookofdave says

    Sorry, Mr Akin. But you made a mistake, and now you’ll have to live with that mistake for the rest of your life. You won’t have to do it alone, though. I’ll send you a dime, so you can call someone who cares.

  2. Joan says

    In his party he’s verboten
    Now his name’s the one unspoken.
    He’s been unasked to convention
    Cause he’d muddy up the race.

    But our Democrats are praying
    Mr. Akin will be staying
    Cause his defeat could be easier
    If this were now the case.

    Still this plan has many pitfalls.
    Never know quite where the shit falls.
    Underrating evangelicals
    Is risky, as we know.

    They could make of him a symbol,
    An old trick at which they’re nimble.
    Playing victim seems to activate
    Their base as much as dough.

  3. The Ridger says

    I’d be surprised by the fact that Akin apparently still stands a chance in the race. Why would you be surprised? Todd Akin is absolutely normal for a rather large sector of Americans on the right wing. (Check out Slacktivist for an inside-the-tent look at that part of American evangelicalism.) Plenty of people believe what he says – after all, it’s so damned comforting to think it’s true – and people who have said it before him have gotten elected after saying it.

    Todd Akin didn’t invent this. Todd Akin isn’t alone in believing it. And the GOP just approved a platform that agrees with his 100% in policy, if not in spelled-out justifications.

  4. The Ridger says

    ps – and the main thing is (besides the fact that they’ve sent him to the House six times and he hasn’t changed a bit): He’s not goddamn Claire McCaskill! MO conservatives hate her almost as much as they hate Obama.

  5. carpenterman says

    And lest we forget, it’s still more than two months till the election. The voters have short memories. Incumbents count on that.

  6. Joan says

    Above is a link to the best bio I have seen of the rise of Akin, Missouri’s shameful secret. The reason MO ‘hates’ McCaskill other than there are no jobs and she is a ‘shudder’ Democrat, is that for months and months before the primary we have been bombarded with Pac ads blaming Claire, the stimulus and Obamacare for the deficit. The facts are that the deficit and recession AND the ‘hated’ stimulus were on Bush’s watch. The stimulus did give us jobs in Missouri, although not enough, and that Obamacare, the smidgen we have seen before it’s officially kicks in 2014, has benefited many of these same people who are howling against it, Facts bother nobody. The latest ad blames Claire for raising the debt limit each time. Never mind the most all of congress has been forced kicking and screaming to do this to avoid total economic chaos.

    One would think that the farmers, now howling for drought help from our ‘socialist’ government, would take a moment to think. That is not the case.

    I am sadly convinced that Akin has a good chance to be our next senator. Hate has very little reasoning power and religious fervor next to none. Memories are not just short, but non-existent. The final blow will be Missouri’s nasty little version of the poll tax, the picture voter I’D’s now required to disenfranchise the poor, who tend to still vote Democratic. MO Dems should some of save their ad money and go to voter registration drives for their dwindling base.

  7. says

    The bad thing is that he’s still likely to win. It is Missouri after all. Since Obama will probably lose it too Claire isn’t going to get some of the turnout vote. Plus Akin probably really believes he is a prophet or god has spoken to him. Or, as it seems the wingnuts are doing across the board, they seem to be convinced that coming out, delivering their whole pitch without knocking off the rough edges for the undecideds is the formula to win. It feels exactly like 1964 with Goldwater, they live in their bubble and believe the country loves them and a full-blooded plan for theocratic government will succeed, so work it, baby, work it. I expect Akin to one-up himself, esp. when he gets to go back and say things about Obama.

  8. Joan says


    We are totally browned off at Akin. He’s taken
    A weird and embarrassing view.
    It has now become too much to handle, the scandal
    Is growing with each day’s news crew.

    His claiming that raped women’s lady parts have smarts
    To stave off conception’s a bust.
    But the worst of the idiot tale from this male
    Is its source can be traced back to us.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *