I Think I’m Doing It Wrong

… but at least I no longer worry I’m some sort of felon for de-godding some coins.

Take a look on eBay for “Cross Pennies”. I’ll try some links here, but they may break once the auctions are over.

You can buy a penny with a cross punched out of it… for a dollar. Or fifty of them, for $14.99. Or 100 of them, for $48.00 (different groups, different pricing). One penny and a prayer for $1.69. Or if you want a heartstring-tugging tag, a “2001 Lincoln Penny Cent Christian Cut Cross Memorabilia For 9-11 To Never Forget”.

There is also (not on eBay) a “cross pennies ministries”

You may have seen them lying around or given to you by complete strangers. Either way, these cross pennies have been used all over the world by missionaries and witnessers alike to spread the Word of Christ! The penny is the least of our coins in America and to many people, it is almost worthless. Though some find it hard to believe that something with such a small monetary value can mean so much just by stamping a cross into it, we as Christians find endless worth because through the witnessing that has resulted from it, lives have been added into the kingdom of GOD!

Actually, they have taken something of monetary value and made certain it is monetarily worthless, by punching a cross out of the middle of it. At least these people appear to charge only one cent per cross penny… well, that plus shipping. A flat rate of $5.50 per 1500 pennies. Compared to eBay, this is a deal!

So, while they are charging for nearly worthless coins rendered useless as change, my godless dollars are fully functional and making their way into the pockets of people who, if they find themselves offended by the coins… can spend them just as easily as any other dollars.

Hell, they can even use one to buy a penny with a cross-shaped hole in it… though they may have to chip in a bit more for shipping.

Guess God Was Only Ceremonial, After All

When grinding the “God” off your money, it’s funny,
It really brings home how the whole thing’s absurd
It’s patently clear—as I’m grinding, I’m finding
They think “God” is special; it’s only a word.
The metal where I am engraving’s behaving
Exactly the same as the rest of it does—
No magical force to make God’s word the odd word
As strong or as weak as the rest of it was.

Some see what I’ve done to a dollar, and holler
“Defacing our currency’s wrong, don’t you know?”
I’d call minting wrong in the first place the worst case
“God” didn’t belong, and so “God” had to go.
True, Congress won’t give God’s removal approval
But this is a cure that the law does allow
So these are the coins I’m intending on spending…
I like them much better the way they are now.

Pile of de-godded dollar coins

If the last post was “Before“, I suppose this one is “During”. “After” comes when these puppies are in circulation, which might be a bit harder to get pics of–or at least, more awkward. Again, greater context here.

This was trivially easy to do–on brand-new coins, it’s actually difficult to see that anything has been done at all; the coins are shiny enough that the freshly-exposed metal doesn’t stand out. On the older Sacajawea dollars (you can see one in the middle of the pile), the de-godification is a little easier to see, at least until the metal oxidizes again and it will look like regular wear.

Blasphemy Day, Already?

Seems even more necessary this year. As I wrote before…

Blasphemy Day is important. Not for offending people, but for celebrating the right to speak without fear that such an offense can land you in jail, or worse. Political speech often offends me, but the rough-and-tumble of open political debate is a good thing. When we coddle ideas, we allow bad ones to flourish. Religious speech is, and should be, protected in the same sense that political speech is. This includes religious speech that the listener disagrees with. A day to celebrate this idea? I like it. More after the jump:
[Read more…]

Gee, Good Thing God Tells Us What To Think…

My pastor tells me “God says this!
We dare not disagree!
His word, as seen in scripture, is
Enough for you and me.”

God’s views on marriage, taxes, war—
It’s quite a lengthy list—
We’d have to work it out ourselves
If God did not exist.

My pastor says he learned these things
Through study, prayer, and search;
He’s right, though his conclusions seem
Confined to just his church:

The other churches in our town
Say God says different stuff—
They disagree—are works required?
Or is belief enough?

One church says God wants “man and wife”;
One woman and one man
Another welcomes everyone
(God tells them that they can)

Each says they speak for God, of course,
In fact, they quite insist.
We’d have to work it out ourselves
If God did not exist.

The church downtown says one thing, but
The East Side church says no
The West Side church and South Side church
Say they’re the place to go

There’s this church, and there’s that church
And there’s seven more in town
And they disagree on what God thinks—
His will can’t be nailed down

My pastor tells me “God says this”
My neighbors say he’s wrong
My relatives have different views
But mostly get along

For every view their God supports
A thousand are dismissed…
We’d have to work it our ourselves
If God did not exist.

Context, over at Good As You.

And Jesus Saith “Take My Wife, Please!”

The fragment of papyrus read:
“And Jesus said, My Wife…”
Which shocked those unaware of this
Dimension of His life

The fragment, though, is incomplete;
It leaves the scholars vexed.
I’ll ask my learned readers, then…
What do you think comes next?

So, yeah… via National Geographic… A fourth-century fragment of papyrus is making some waves.

The papyrus made international headlines when it was cited in a new paper by Harvard historian Karen King. Smaller than a business card, the fragment includes several lines of handwritten text, composed in Coptic language, which uses Christian symbols.

The final line of text includes the words: “And Jesus said, My Wife…” while quoting Jesus.

My question, then, is simple: What’s the next line? What’s next, that the papyrus got cut off before it told us? For me, I see Jesus as a borscht belt comedian, stealing from Henny Youngman, Jack Benny, and Uncle Miltie…

And Jesus said, My Wife Simon Peter and I will be taking the weekend off..

And Jesus said, My Wife, when she sits around the house, she sits. around. the house.

And Jesus said, My Wife complains about dinner: loaves and fishes again?

And Jesus said, My Wife–Take her, please!

And Jesus Said, My Wife…

What?

Stoning Atheists At Penn State

If you’ve ever seen an atheist,
And wished you could have simply chucked a stone
You’re not alone
If it nearly feels reflexive, like
The rock was waiting, wanting to be thrown
Well, that’s well-known

If your holy book commands it
Or your sense of self demands it
You can send a stone in transit toward a head
If you’re faithful, you can show it—
Buy a rock or two, and throw it
And pretend that heathen know-it-all is dead!

Since it’s being done for charity
Just tell yourself your money is well placed
And not a waste
And because the “stones” are water-filled
Balloons, there’s no real danger to be faced…
It’s just bad taste [Read more…]

Just Another Religion?

We gather together each Sunday
With people who share our beliefs
We’ve been waiting all week for this one day
And we’re all gonna cheer for the Chiefs.

Or the Lions, or Packers, or Ravens
Or the Titans, or Jaguars, or Jets
And we turn to statistical mavens
Who advise us on placing our bets

When the oddsmakers, wonks, and diviners
Say our team earns more flags than first downs
We’ll ignore them, and root for the Niners
Or the Eagles, the Dolphins, or Browns

Our allegiance to team never varies
As we cover our faces with paints
Though the Cardinals throw their Hail Marys
We poor sinners will stick with our Saints

See, Sunday’s the day for our Steelers
As for church—really, nobody cares—
They say Jesus is first among healers
But it’s not like he plays for the Bears. [Read more…]

Church Scandal Speed Record?

We’ve opened up our ministry
A mere two weeks ago
And we’re building it by going door to door.
So I’m witnessing to prostitutes—
Like Jesus did, you know—
They’re a group that we’ve neglected, heretofore.

It’s a missionary calling
In the name of Jesus Christ
With additional positions to explore
We discussed a second coming—
Some alternatives were priced—
She assured me that it costs a little more.

I delivered her my message
‘Twas a sermon from the mount
And I told her God forgives her for her sins
I’ve increased my congregation—
She’s increased her bank account—
When you think about it, everybody wins!

What I did, I did for Jesus;
For the future of our church
It’s a duty I’ve been given from above
If you’re looking for religion
Let me help you in your search
Visit Sunday, and I’ll demonstrate God’s love. [Read more…]

On Original Sin

Because of what happened in Eden
When humanity toppled from grace
Every man, every woman, each baby
Bears the sins of the whole human race

Now, I know there are men who are wicked
And some women have evil within
But I cannot see damning a baby
Cos it’s born with original sin… [Read more…]