Wanted: Questions For The GOP Debates

The GOP’s seeking suggestions for questions;
They don’t like the ones that reporters might ask
The hopefuls hate people decrying their lying;
They mustn’t expect to be taken to task!
It’s politics, people! It’s ruthless! It’s truthless!
Those fact-focused folks are a pain in the ass
We need to see less confrontation; the nation
Wants leaders like these to be given a pass!

But what could you ask a physician whose mission
Is limiting health care for women in need?
Or corporate loudmouths who holler for dollars
And pledge their allegiance to corporate greed?
Senators (really!) whose pledge, it’s alleged, is
“I’ll go to D. C. and I’ll shut the place down!”
Governors (present, and ex) who want next to
Make brand new connections in Washington town

What do you ask? There aren’t many, if any,
Inquisitive questions that won’t be dismissed!
We mustn’t play “gotcha”—they’ll scold us, they’ve told us!
We’ve got to compose an acceptable list!
I know: “If you could, would you pillory Hilary?”
“What are her crimes and her sins, in your view?”
“Are liberals all worse than Satan for hatin”?”
“Has anyone, ever, been greater than you?”

(“pledge their allegiance to corporate greed” is a line (or close enough to a line) from Roy Zimmerman’s “Christmas is Pain”)

That’s right, the people vying to be the leader of the free world, the most powerful of the Koch brothers’ puppets, the president of the United States of America… don’t want debate moderators asking them tough questions. They have collectively gone rogue (did not know that was possible!), and the party is trying desperately to pretend they are still grasping the reins. They know how they’d handle Putin, but NBC would be a bridge too far; gotcha questions are the new WMDs.

It may backfire on them; their most appreciated lines last time around were when they attacked the media. With NBC out, what dragon will they slay next?

So, yeah, apparently they are looking for acceptable moderators. The comments are open for your tryouts: what questions would you ask?


  1. stevendorst says

    What is Santa Claus’ favorite cookie?

    If you are elected, what will the the Tooth Fairy’s bounty for an incisor, a canine, and a molar?

    Please say something nice about the person on your right.

    The combined campaigns debate committee has decided that the fairest way to choose our nominee is by musical chairs. Are you ready to play?

  2. StevoR says

    “Oh & if the media* is so bad why don’t you do the election Amish style and avoid every media service – all of you, throughout the whole campaign? No TV, radio, intertoob or even newspaper communication at all? Oh & no one doing it for you either since you don’t believe in it you shouldn’t ask others too either. Just go around America talking directly to voters yourselves – in person!”

    (Hmm .. maybe that’s one of the questions that cannot be asked!)


    * And how do we know that medi(a)um is bad? Because its neither rare or well done! (Stolen joke from somewhere.)

  3. says

    “What are you most proud of having accomplished in your public career to date?”
    “What do you see as the most important next step in reforming our country?”
    “What are the most admirable values about our country that you’d like to see other countries adapt?”
    “How would you make America great again without turning it into a police state?”
    “How would you inspire other countries to turn swords into plowshares?”
    “How would you inspire your fellow politicians to conduct themselves with honor, integrity, and loyalty to the Constitution and to their constituents?”


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