In The Land Of Clowns, The One With Funny Hair Is King

Watch politicians take their lumps
The spotlight, now, is Donald Trump’s—
Near everybody else gets single digits!
They worry as they mount their stumps
That voters see them all as chumps
Instead of how they looked before: mere idgits.

They’re poring over things he’s said
To copy quick, before they’re dead,
They practice lines until they’ve got them down
And soon enough, they’ll try instead
To wear some roadkill on their head
Cos, clearly, everybody loves a clown!

The latest USA Today poll has The Donald at 17%, with Jeb Bush at 14%, and everybody else, as the verse says, in single digits. Actually, only four candidates (those 2, plus Walker and Cruz) have support that is statistically measurable; the rest are closer to zero than the poll’s margin of error (actually, it is worth mentioning that Bush and Trump are not statistically significantly different in support, which Bush will appreciate and Trump will ignore).

The same poll has Trump losing to Clinton by a larger margin than many other GOP no-chance candidates. I do have to wonder whether some of his popularity comes from Democrats or Independents who are having fun with pollsters. I mean, the reasons given by supporters in every article or comment I have read are simply not consistent with reality. There are no *actual* reasons to support Trump.

Of course, Trump’s real value to the GOP is that he makes everybody else look… if not reasonable, at least not as unreasonable as The Donald.


  1. says

    Are cheap shots about Trump’s hair necessary? There’s such a wide target: his political views, his hypocrisy, his bad business sense, etc – making fun of someone’s appearance? You can do better.

  2. says

    Marcus, but what he does with his hair seems so neatly to encapsulate his personality. I can understand not taking a cheap shot at something someone has no control over, but he presumably does the hair on purpose…

  3. Cuttlefish says

    The point is, bad political views, hypocrisy, and bad business sense are not things that distinguish him from the other GOP candidates. You can’t even say “the loud, obnoxious one”, cos that still leaves you more than half the field. If the other candidates were looking to Trump to see what the voters want, there is nothing special there. By process of elimination…

    (Also, I’m a Letterman fan, and “that thing on Donald Trump’s head” jokes were a running bit.)

  4. says

    Marcus, but what he does with his hair seems so neatly to encapsulate his personality.

    Exactly. Poke at his personality, then.

    Male pattern baldness shaming is a cheap shot. Even “poetic license” doesn’t really cover taking a cheap shot when you’re in such a target-rich environment.

    Are you going to start fat-shaming and making gendered quips next? Hey, why not make fun of Sarah Palin’s hairstyles, too, instead of her ridiculous inability to string words together? Saying “Letterman does it” is choosing to be in pretty cheesy company. Whatever.

  5. says

    By the way, if you couldn’t think of 300 things about Trump’s presidential run announcement that were funny and had nothing to do with his hair, you aren’t trying hard enough. I’m not a poet but I’d try to work something about humpty dumpty riding into battle on an escalator…

  6. Cuttlefish says

    It rather astonishes me that a poke at one of Donald Trump’s distinguishing characteristics can be seen as punching down. Male pattern baldness… no one makes fun of Trump for male pattern baldness. Trump’s “hair” bears little to no resemblance to any “hair club for men” member. Trump has spent more money than I have ever imagined on his image. Whatever his hair is, it is not “typical male pattern baldness”, it is “Donald Trump’s Hair”. It (among many things, including his tax records) is his peacock’s tail; it announces his presence, it reminds us that he is above our petty concerns. His hair is no reason to dislike him, but it can identify him, and that is how it is used here. I’ve never seen anyone with hair like Trump, other than Trump; his hair does not magically grant him underdog status in any way, shape, or form.

  7. grumpyoldfart says

    The Republicans won’t stay out of the White House forever. One day one of those clowns will be the President.

  8. says

    It rather astonishes me that a poke at one of Donald Trump’s distinguishing characteristics can be seen as punching down.

    I don’t see it as “punching down” — your words. I see it as a weak cheap shot. Creatively shabby.
    See the difference?

  9. StevoR says

    @ ^ Marcus : Trump chose his hairstyle, it is something thatis very distinctively him by hios choosing so, nah, Idon’t agree with you.

    @7. grumpyoldfart : Maybe the Republicans will get back in eventually but if they do I very much doubt it’ll be with any of the klowns currently running.

    Which one if any do you think makes a plausible future POTUS?

    (Looks down list of twenty odd runners, him.. nope? Her .. No way! Er nope, nope, gotta be kidding! Shit no! Ha-h-ha-ha- no. Nyet, nein, no, nada, nope, hmm possibly, possibly .nahh! )

  10. StevoR says

    PS. If the Republicans ever do get back in then given demographic, generational and cultural shifts in the US of A they virtually have to change dramatically from where they are now and for the better. Look at the age of their voters and the views of the majority of young Americans versus the Republicans Tea-blaggard influenced policies. I expect we’ll see at least eighth years of Clinton in the presidency which i guess will give the R’s time to change and by that time the “Underton Window” (opposite of Overton one) will have shifted US politic and culture a fair way left.

    It is also not unthinkable – although admittedly a seemingly remote possibility – that the Republicans may be replaced by another new major party or that a shift in US political system will mean an end to the old two party dominance.

  11. Die Anyway says

    By now, Trump has to know that most people consider his hairstyle unflattering if not downright clownish. That he continues to retain it says something about his character and thought processes. As a candidate for president, these attributes are open for discussion and may either be lauded or derided as appropriate. If hairstyle were like nose shape or skin color, poking fun at it would be inappropriate. But it’s a choice, and a choice that Trump has continued to make for years, so I think it is fair game as a stand-in for his personality and decision-making ability. If a candidate continually wore hugely oversized shoes, white face paint and a big red ball on his nose, would it be ok to comment negatively on the way he presented himself? I think that most of us would agree that such commentary would be acceptable. Trump’s hair falls into the same category.

  12. says

    Good grief! Defending Donald Trump
    Whose hair looks like a horse’s rump
    Against the Cuttlefish’s wit
    Makes carpers look and sound like sh*t.

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