Priest Gets Text Messages From Demon, Following Failed Exorcism

Social media breeds hatin’
There is really no debatin’
But text messages from Satan?
I’m not certain I believe!

But an exorcism session
Didn’t lessen her possession
Now the priest hears her confession
Cos the devil will deceive!

Let’s take pity on the preacher
Such a poor and helpless creature
As he texts the girl, to teach her
She is in the hands of God

In reply, instead, a demon
Who was listenin’ in and schemin’
Now this sordid story’s seemin’
Unbelievable and odd

See, the devil’s getting busy
And the preacher’s in a tizzy
He’s a brave, brave man (or is he?—
Cos he’s maybe just a fool)

I suspect the priest is falling
For a bit of plain crank-calling—
Seems the teaching was appalling
In his exorcism school!

Via the Christian Post (because, why not?), just when you thought the concept of exorcism couldn’t get any stranger…

A Polish priest claims to be receiving text messages from Satan after performing an exorcism on a teenage girl. Father Marian Rajchel has said that he failed to drive out the demon that possessed the young girl and as a result, he is being haunted by the demon.

“The author of these texts is an evil spirit who has possessed her soul,” Father Rajchel told the Austrian Times. “Often the owners of mobile phones are not even aware that they are being used like this.”

The text messages are reportedly filled with hate and specific messages for the priest, who said that he is personally being attacked because of his failure to deliver a girl from demonic possession. The Times was able to read two of the messages, which had clear warnings for the priest.

Because that is the simplest explanation–it couldn’t be that some poor troubled teen, annoyed by some god-botherer’s insulting attention, decides to yank his chain a bit. “Oh, my, no, father, I would never have texted you something like that! I can’t imagine! It must have been the Devil made me do it!”

Cuttlecap tip to the morning newsreader (I did not catch her name) at RTR-FM.


  1. Kate Jones says

    Good grief, what rubbish sprouts
    From priest’s satanic bouts
    That no one even doubts:
    He failed to drive the devil out.
    But the devil texts and types–
    In English yet, and hypes
    His powers, and sideswipes
    The lame-brain. It’s a rout!
    Is Austria so blighted
    With believers so benighted
    That demons can be sighted
    On cellphones roundabout?
    In Twenty-Fifteen which is
    More likely, ghouls and witches,
    Or hitches in the britches
    When priests their folly tout?

  2. Die Anyway says

    It’s scary enough living in a world where your body can crap-out on you at any moment (heart attack, stroke) or start going wrong despite your best efforts and positive attitude (cancer, Alzheimer’s, etc.) but I’m not sure that I can even imagine what it’s like to also believe in demons which can infest you and a Devil who is actively working to destroy you. But… now that I’ve written it and thought about it, maybe it’s pretty much the same thing. Life has its scary parts either way. Now if the Devil starts texting me that’s going to shake the foundations of my disbelief. :-)

  3. Pierce R. Butler says

    From the linked story: … it’s believed that the young girl is the author of the texts and is able to send them via her phone.

    A perfect example of the evils of the passive voice in writing: nobody can tell who’s doing that believing – though apparently it’s not “Father” Marian Rajchel, the full-time professional believer.

    Other important news from the Christian Post front page at present: “Top 10 Worst Offenders of Free Speech on College Campuses”; “Apocalypse Poll: Republicans More Confident Than Democrats About Their Survival”; “Ouija Board Victim ‘Possessed’ by Several Demons, Family Says, ‘She is a Christian Girl'”; “Daughter of Satanist High Priest Shares Her Story”; “The Godly Truth About Bikini’s” [sic – hey, Jesus didn’t say anything about apostrophes]; and “Top 10 Bible Verses on SEXUAL IMMORALITY” [only ALL CAPS headline shown – CP editors know what matters to their readers!].

  4. Ed says

    Foolish Christians! Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies, Prince of the Power of the Air, the Ancient Serpent, the Bringer of Light whom you call “Satan” does NOT debase himself by your practice of TEXTING!

    In the unlikely event that he has anything to say to you, he will shout it, probably in an ancient tongue, from the mouth of one of his many possessed. They are everywhere, you know. Or he will telepathically burn his message directly into you weak mind.

    His servants, the demons, may choose to communicate with you through a Ouija Board, Tarot cards, or if they are in a particularly generous mood, a Magic 8 Ball. But none of the Hosts of Hell will text, tweet, leave a voice mail, send an e-mail or for that matter drop off a letter at the post office.

    Do you expect them to pay service fees? Buy stamps? Ha!

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