Miracle In Cleveland

Thank god! Our prayers are answered!
It’s a miracle, you know!
We are celebrating, crying joyful tears!
God decided, in his wisdom,
That he’d let these poor girls go
After keeping them imprisoned ten full years.

It’s a proof that god is mighty
It’s a proof that god is good
God will make this bastard suffer for his crime
It’s a proof that god will always
Make things come out as they should
Though He seems to have a different view of time

Wonderful news out of Cleveland; three women, missing for 10 years, have been found alive, having been held captive in a house, remarkably close to where they disappeared.

I’ve already heard it described as a miracle, as an answer to prayers, as something that restores one’s faith in god. And my goodness, it is astonishingly good news for everyone. But as always, it strikes me odd to give an omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent entity credit for today’s events and let that entity off the hook for the last 10 years.

But hey, come to think of it, it does have all the hallmarks of one of god’s miracles.


  1. davidsteinmuller says

    People are actually dancing in the streets. I’ve been seeing a lot of thank God stuff, but never without someone pointing out that people should be thanking Charles, the neighbor who helped kick through the door, rather than God.

  2. navigator says

    Yeah, I would say, “Hooray for the neighbor who heard screams and decided to investigate and help out.” No supernatural beings need apply.

  3. says

    Yes but you can’t complain about the delay—I mean isn’t a thousand years but an instant in god’s whatsit.

    Or something

  4. Cuttlefish says

    Ray C., near as I can tell, Sylvia is congenitally unable to feel shame. I mean, that’s got to be the explanation.

  5. says

    God could have prevented this from ever happening. Instead, he left the women to suffer for 10 years.

    Apparently, God is as much of a sick fuck as the guy who had imprisoned them.

  6. says

    A thousand years may be but an instant in god’s whatsit but it’s not in Amanda Berry’s, or the other two women’s, or their families’ and friends’, and that should be what counts. God is so fucking self-centered.

  7. Randomfactor says

    The accused kidnapper’s last Facebook post, apparently:

    “Miracles really do happen,” he writes in a May 2nd status update. “God is good :)”

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