Meet Horus Gilgamesh

Well, here’s a treat. That bible item isn’t from a kiddy bible at all, it’s from a grown up mockery of the bible. The author is Horus Gilgamesh (see what he did there?). He’s a former Catholic turned born-again turned missionary turned guy who understands that starving people need food not bibles.


The Lord wasn’t a fan of the Midianites, so he told Moses to command his army to slaughter all of them. Well, almost all of them…

Much like the modern day Boko Haram in northern Nigeria, Moses’ army took the virgins for themselves, to do with as they pleased – turning them into forced brides, sex slaves, or to sell on the black market.

Interestingly, God never disciplined Moses or even mentioned the horrible actions against women and children. Instead, the story goes on to explain how the Lord made a deal with Moses to receive an offering of the spoils of war through Eleazar the priest. In the end, 32,000 virgins were captured and divided with the rest of the livestock – 16,000 of the girls were given to the soldiers while the Lord demanded 32 virgins for… Himself!

QUESTION: I always find it interesting how quickly Christians point to Islam and accuse the prophet Muhammed of being a pedophile because of his marriage to Aisha, a nine year-old girl. However, Muhammed was a man. God is God. What exactly did God do with these 32 virgins?

32 Virgins For… God

That’s just one. There are a lot more. Catch you later.



  1. RJW says

    “What exactly did God do with these 32 virgins?”

    I’m sure God’s representatives on earth, the priests, knew what to do.

  2. Akira MacKenzie says

    “What exactly did God do with these 32 virgins?

    A more troubling question is how was God supposed to take possession of these virgins? Considering the stories of Issac and Jephtha’s daughter, I don’t think that the act of human sacrifice was as abhorrent to the ancient Hebrews as modern fundie Christians would have us think.

  3. RJW says

    @2 Akira MacKenzie,

    Agreed, human sacrifice is a plausible explanation, there’s no reason to assume that the Jews were any different from other contemporary cultures. Then of course there’s little evidence for Moses, the Exodus, or the conquest of Canaan.

  4. Pierce R. Butler says

    What exactly did God do with these 32 virgins?

    Traded ’em for a starship, what else?

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